


Whumptober 2020

by Dabberdees



Series: Whumptober [2]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Torchwood feels in chapter 16, Whump, Whumptober 2020, bi!graham, oneshots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:07:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 71,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26754046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dabberdees/pseuds/Dabberdees
Summary: All the prompts I'm doing for whumptober 2020.Descriptions will be added to the top of each chapter.
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Graham O'Brien, Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan & Graham O'Brien & Ryan Sinclair
Series: Whumptober [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948666
Comments: 83
Kudos: 90
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	1. Shackled

**Author's Note:**

> Contains: Kidnap, Violence, Losing Identity, Fighting for Sport, Numbered Names. (Think Gladiator)
> 
> Whumpees: All of them in a lot of ways, but mainly Yaz and Graham.
> 
> 1st: Shackled.  
> 2nd: "Pick who dies."  
> 3rd: Held at gunpoint, uh, I mean knifepoint because this is Britain-  
> 4th: Collapsed Building.  
> 5th: Failed Escape | Rescue.  
> 6th: "Get it out."  
> 7th: Support.  
> 8th: Isolation.  
> 9th: Presumed Dead. (Alt list)  
> 10th: Nightmares | Comfort. (Alt list)  
> 11th: Defiance.  
> 12: Memory Loss. (Alt list)  
> 13th: Water. (Alt list)  
> 14th: Branding.  
> 15th: Science Gone Wrong.  
> 16th: Hallucinations.  
> 17th: Dirty Secret.  
> 18th: Falling. (Alt list)  
> 19th: Grief | Mourning Loved One | Survivor's Guilt.  
> 20th: Lost.  
> 21st: Infection.  
> 22nd: Withdrawal.  
> 23rd: Found Family. (Alt List)  
> 24th: Stitches. (Alt List)  
> 25th: Disorientation.  
> 26th: Concussion.  
> 27th: Power Outage.  
> 28th: Accidents.  
> 29th: Shot. (Alt list)  
> 30th: Wound Reveal.  
> 31st: Altered State. (Alt list)

How many days has it been? Eight? Sixteen? Longer than that? Neither one of them are all that sure now. Neither one of them gets a chance to see the passing of the sun and moon as they're lead from the barracks to that room they both dislike, but refuse to speak about. 

_Neither one of them reassures the other that help is on its way anymore._

That hope has been pushed so far down by now because showing it ended painfully for both of them.

_Can they even be found?_

It was quick, a flash, and they were gone, dragged from whatever planet the Doctor took them to and before they realised it they were shackled, given a number, and collared.

_Not slaves, worse._

_Would-be murderers._

Their eyes meet every now and then, but their mouths remain clamped shut in fear of causing the other one pain.

_'For every disobedient act, your friend will suffer because of it.'_

Yeah, it only took Yaz once to learn that lesson when she ran to the defence of another prisoner only for Graham to call out in pain, the electro whip falling from his back just as fast as it struck.

_'Learn, Fifty-Four, that your actions have consequences.'_

And as much as Yaz wanted to run to Graham's side, to help him up, she couldn't. Instead, she felt the bile rise in her throat at the sight and smell of burnt leather and scarlet flesh.

So, now they sit together in the barracks like all the others with them. Mothers and sons, fathers and daughters, sisters, brothers, friends-

_A grandfather and a young woman who might as well be his granddaughter._

They know what's expected of them.

And maybe that's why they're punished the most because they refuse to kill even after all of this time.

It would be so easy to follow what their captors want them to do, but they can't, it goes against everything they both stand for.

_Justice with courage._

_Be the better-_

"I can't do this any longer, Yaz," Graham breaks the silence between them, his throat raw from disuse. "Every time I refuse, they retaliate against you, and it only gets worse for the both of us-"

"I know, Graham," Yaz cuts him off. "But don't give in because it's what they want us to do."

Graham turns his head to face her. His exhausted and bruised blue eyes lock against her dark ringed brown ones. "You ever think the Doc and Ryan are coming for us?"

"I have hope that they will."

"I thought it left you," Graham rests his head back against the cold wall that he's shackled against. "It's been months; if she could've found us by now, she would've done so," He sighs. "I guess I've given up hoping we'll be saved from this hell."

"The hope never left me, Graham, I just buried it," Yaz reveals in a low whisper after a moment. "Has it really left you?"

"No, maybe," Graham raises a dirty hand and waves it in the air. "Fifty-fifty, depends on if she breaks down that door and gets us out in the next five minutes."

"And if she doesn't?"

"Then I'm not going to be the better man anymore, and that's a promise."

Yaz stares ahead. Her eyes narrow. "If you get there first, that is."

Graham's head snaps to Yaz's face, and he sees the look on her face. "Don't-"

"Why should you be the one to throw your morals away?"

"Yaz-"

"No, Graham," Yaz turns back to him again. "It's only fair-"

"I won't let you do that," Graham snaps. "Let my hands be bloody, I can live with that, but you," He stares at her imploringly. "You have a lot more to lose than I do."

"Like what?" Graham looks away, unable to answer her question. "I don't want you killing someone for me, Graham."

"And I don't want you doing the same for me," Graham mutters abruptly. "But something has to give, and if it's between the pair of us, then it's better if I do it."

Yaz goes to open her mouth only to clamp it shut the moment she spots the guards. Tall, dressed in black robes and armour, beaks sharp and glistening in the low light. "You two are up," The lead guard snaps, their winged arm waving through the air and releasing the shackles around their arms and legs. "Let's hope you follow our orders today."

Graham picks himself up from the floor with a grunt. He doesn't turn and help Yaz up. Not that Yaz expected it, weakness means pain, and if you can't get up by yourself, then you're expendable and expendable means dead.

Like the people they're currently being led towards.

_Unfortunate souls really, too weak to handle the punishments._

And now one of them is going to die, and from a human's hand to boot.

_The Doctor would be really proud of the human race right about now._

They wait as they have done for the past however long, the time has long since bled into nothing for them.

The bird-like alien gestures towards a pitiful sight really, a furred creature, smaller than Yaz, is cowered against the wall, chain wrapped around its midsection.

"Kill it," The lead guard orders. "Or suffer again."

Graham spots Yaz's foot inching forward reluctantly, and he rests a hand on her arm, shaking his head. "I said I'd do it, cockle."

"Graham-"

Graham ignores her and turns towards the bird-like alien. He holds his hand out for the weapon, wrapping his fingers around it when it materialises in his palm.

He sucks in a deep breath and raises it to the cowering creature in front of him, their eyes meet, blue locked on black orbs and his hand shakes.

"Do it, Fifty-Five," The vicious bird-like alien snaps. "Or you'll both end up like that waste of flesh, this is your last chance," Graham's finger ghosts the trigger. "Do it, or I'll make you-"

The shot honestly surprises him, his hand jerking back painfully, the orange glow burns at his eyes, causing them to water while the smell of charred flesh fills the air.

"Good," The lead guard says, satisfied. "See, I said humans were useful once you find the right motivation for them."

"But Fifty-Four didn't kill-"

"Fifty-Four stepped forward," The lead guard looks towards their companion. "If Fifty-Five didn't act, then Fifty-Four would've acted, now-" The gun vanishes from Graham's hand, but he still feels the remaining warmth from it. He turns and looks at Yaz, spots the sheen to her eyes, feels it in his own.

Shame.

"Let's get them taken for processing and training."

Graham throws a silent apology to Ryan and Grace as he and Yaz are pushed back through the winding building, this time being led past the barracks and towards a different room, brighter and harsher on their eyes.

Their new lives.

Maybe it would've been better if they were expendable.

_Anything would be better than what they're about to become._

* * *

"Are you sure you found them?"

The Doctor stares at the leaflet sent to the TARDIS through time and space from an old friend. "It's them."

Ryan, older than he once was, walks forward. "Let me see."

The Doctor steps back, allowing Ryan to look down at the advertisement. "They look-"

"Different, yeah," The Doctor finishes Ryan's sentence. "But it's them."

"Was it as long for them as it was for us?" Ryan asks as his eyes roam over their pictures. Graham's hair is shaved short, his face leaner than it once was. Younger as well if that is possible. His eyes flick to Yaz next, her hair is drawn back, short as well, face as blank as Graham's. "Fifty-Four and Fifty-Five?" Ryan murmurs as he looks back at the Doctor. "What does that mean?"

The Doctor can only shrug in response because what confirmation could she give to the now twenty-five-year-old Ryan Sinclair that would be comforting? "I'm sending the TARDIS there now," She says instead. "Jack will be waiting for us."

Ryan reaches out and takes ahold of the console. The flight is swift and over just as quick as it started—no time for showing off now. There's a knock at the doors, and the Doctor pushes herself from the console. Ryan follows in her footsteps as he has done for the past five years.

No Earth, he refused to go back without Yaz or Graham. If they aren't there, then he doesn't want to be either.

Exiting the TARDIS leads them onto a dirt path that contains a man in a grey-blue trenchcoat.

"Doctor."

"Captain."

Jack looks towards Ryan next. "Ryan," He steps forward and pulls the younger man into a bone-crushing hug. "I said I would find them and I did."

"How long has it been for them?" Ryan asks again, this time hoping that the Captain will answer his question as he lets go of the immortal man. "I need to know."

Jack's eyes flick between the Doctor and Ryan before he sighs. "Couple of years at max I think," He reluctantly answers. "I've done a bit of digging into the organiser of this-" His hand waves through the air. "-display."

"And?"

"Better that you don't know, Ryan," Jack says, sharing a glance towards the Doctor.

"Don't treat me like a kid," Ryan stares at Jack. "I ain't a kid, and I've been through a lot so don't fob me off with bullshit-"

"It won't help you knowing, Ryan," The Doctor mumbles.

Ryan faces her intending to snap, but her expression causes him to pause. "Doctor?"

"I failed them," The Doctor confesses. "Should've got them home safely, but instead of doing that, I allowed them to be taken-"

"You didn't," Ryan shakes his head. "We both know what happened on that planet 'cos it wasn't just them that were taken-"

"No, it wouldn't be," Jack adds on. "It could've been you and Graham, or you and Yaz, even the Doctor and any of you."

"What?"

"These people, they take people that know each other because it gives them the power to threaten them with violence, every disobedient act results in the other getting punished, which leaves them following orders without a fight."

"And then what?"

Jack looks away once again. "Soldiers, assassins, hitmen, spies, you name it, they're it, and they're hired out," He stares down the dirt path. "I'm not even sure if they're who they were anymore, not after the training they've been through."

Ryan's stomach drops to the floor like a lead weight. "But we can get them back, can't we?"

"Yes," The Doctor answers. "We're getting them back."

"And if Jack is right, if they're not who we knew-" Ryan's eyes flick between Jack and the Doctor. "-what are we going to do?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," The Doctor states. "But let's get to that bridge first."

* * *

"You both know what you need to do," The first guard croons, winged arm brushing against an armoured shoulder. "It's what you've been trained for."

The second guard glances between the two humans in front of them. "You will make us a lot of credits, Fifty-Four, Fifty-Five," The two humans merely stare ahead, jaws clamped shut. "Stick your helmets on and get into the fighting pits, let's show the patrons what you can do."

The first guard bows their beaked head and waves a hand, breaking their shackles as they've grown accustomed to.

Blue-grey eyes lock onto brown, narrowing ever so slightly. "Stay out of the way and let me deal with the biggest threat, Fifty-Four."

"I can look after myself, Fifty-Five."

"I know-" Fifty-Five falters, showing weakness isn't allowed. "I just want you to-"

"Get moving."

Fifty-Four grabs him by the hand and pulls him along and down the winding corridor. Aliens cower from them in their cells, scared, and it's enough to make both of them taste bile.

But they did what they had to to keep the other one safe.

And if that meant losing what made them human-

_-Then so be it._

"We won't be here for much longer," Fifty-Four says. "We just have to make a good show."

"Don't kill anything," Fifty-Five pleads.

Fifty-Four pauses by the door leading out into the fighting pits. "I won't, but that means you don't as well, don't give them what they want," She states. "You know the-"

"I do," Fifty-Five nods. "Not here, though."

Fifty-Four only nods in response before turning and stepping out into the harsh sun. She feels Fifty-Five at her back, his hand passing over a bladed weapon. "Take the left; I'll go right."

Fifty-Five glances towards the left with a frown. "Sure?"

"Yeah," Fifty-Four gives the bearest of nods. "See you on the other side."

* * *

They're lead towards seats, golden and jewelled. Fresh food supplied on shining plates, and it's enough to make a man sick. The Doctor ignores it all in favour of reaching into her coat and pressing her sonic, checking for devices and exhaling with relief when they are none. "Speak freely," She says, looking between Jack and Ryan. "It seems the patrons and the organisers work on mutual trust about one another."

"Makes sense," Jack muses from the column he's leant against. "This goes against a myriad of laws within numerous systems," His eyes flick back to the Doctor and Ryan. "It's why this is wild space; no one checks what goes on unless they're called here, it's a free for all."

The Doctor merely grunts as she walks forward to look down into the arena. It's pristine if not for the rust stains littering the sand brick walls. Her eyes roam from the currently unsullied theatre of death and into the stands.

"Different races, different systems," Jack informs. "Crime syndicates, corrupt governments, dynasties of pain, people with money to spare, they're all here."

"And what are we then?" Ryan finally joins them.

"What did it say on your psychic paper?"

The Doctor pulls the leather-bound wallet from her pocket and opens it, reading the name written across it in red. "Doesn't matter," She shoves it back down.

"Doctor?"

"It says Time Lord," The Doctor whispers. "No one is willing to argue against the Time Lords," Jack squeezes her hand, offering the only support he can give. "You're my retinue."

"All right."

And then they wait, watching as people are brought into the arena—scared people, terrified of what's to come for them.

But they have to wait, listen to the speech given to them about the spectacle that they're about to see. 

_How proud they are to be invited here to witness the best of what they have to offer._

Each patron has joined them at the edge of the arena, pushing down on it from their private booths. There's excited chatter, betting about which poor sod will die first-

_'Heard they were humans.'_

_'Humans?'_

_'Versatile,' Their neighbour says. 'Can slip onto many planets without being checked, handy when their filth has spread so far across the universe.'_

Ryan begins to turn and stops when he feels a hand gripped around his arm. He faces Jack, who shakes his head. "We're not filth-"

"I know, Ryan," Jack interjects. "I know."

The Doctor's sudden movement catches their eyes, and they follow her gaze towards the steel doors being opened. It's only a moment later that two figures step out, dressed head to toe in black, feathers and talons carved into their armour.

"Is that-"

The Doctor gestures for Ryan to shut up. She reaches into her pocket again, thumb pressing down on her sonic to see if she can pick up a faint reading of artron energy.

_The answer sickens her._

"Yeah," She confirms with dread. "It's them."

They watch as the taller of the two hands the smaller a sword, bending to listen before moving towards the right.

"Doctor," Jack whispers. "Their necks."

"I know," The Doctor nods. "Can't interfere with that on them," She concludes. "Stay here, watch, show interest, pretend to bet-"

Jack reaches out to her, stalling her for a moment. "Where are you going?"

"To put a stop to this," The Doctor states as she pulls her arm free and makes her way down from the viewing box and out of the doors.

"Great," Jack grunts as he makes his way back up to Ryan again. "What have I missed?"

Ryan gestures towards what they assume is Graham judging by the height. "I don't know if I can-"

"Then don't, look away," Jack interrupts. "But it's not him doing it, Ryan, it's not Graham."

"I need to watch," Ryan says bravely. "I know it's not him, he wouldn't do this willingly, so I need to be here for him."

But he can't help the flinch when Graham lashes out, his bladed weapon slashing through the air, breaking the defence of the poor sod brave enough to protect the others, but quickly moving onto the next, leaving the alien to crawl away.

Ryan snaps his eyes away from Graham and focuses them on Yaz, watching as she cuts down someone begging. Her sword jabs at the legs, leaving them rolling on the ground as well, but alive at least.

"They aren't killing them, Jack," Ryan points out.

"They aren't," Jack answers with a frown. "Something isn't right.

"They're not doing what we thought they were going to do," Ryan concludes. "Look at the other patrons, they're-"

His voice breaks off, and he frowns down into the arena, eyes locked against Graham's frozen sword, so close to a trembling alien. His head turns from the alien and locks onto Yaz. She's equally locked in place.

"Fifty-Four, the collar," Graham calls out, stunning the crowd into silence. His sword arm lowers, and he brings his right hand to his neck, pulling the metal away and throwing it to the floor at the same time Yaz does hers. "This wasn't-"

"No," Yaz turns from her target and approaches Graham. "It wasn't meant to happen," She drops her sword. "Now is our chance, Fifty-Five."

"I'll pull you up," Graham says, his voice cutting through the quiet of the patrons. "All right?"

"Got it."

Ryan spots Graham turning to look up into the opposite box, and before he realises, Graham is running towards the wall, grabbing at a ledge and pulling himself up. He turns and extends a hand down to Yaz, yanking her upwards and into the box.

"Jack-"

"That was-" Jack blinks, surprised at the sudden agility from a man who last they knew was in his sixties. "-fast, too fast for the Graham we knew."

"Where are they going?"

Jack squints at the box on the opposite side, spotting the cowering from the ones inside and then the quick disabling of the guards. "Come on," He grabs Ryan's arm and pulls him down to the doors that the Doctor left from. "Something tells me that the Doctor had something to do with those collars unlocking, and whatever it is we probably don't want to be here right now."

"What about Graham and Yaz?"

"I think that they'll be all right for the time being," Jack says reluctantly. His mind flashes back to the box. "We can try and head them off 'cos I think they're trying to escape-"

"Do you have any idea where you're going?"

Jack grunts and shrugs. "I'll figure that out," He glances at Ryan. "Always do."

They run through the chaos behind the scenes, weak prisoners stumbling out from open cells, guards dashing around, ignoring them for the moment as they all sprint in same direction.

"Hey, Jack-"

"Yeah?"

"Should we follow the guards?" Ryan breathes out through the stitch in his side. "They're all heading in one direction."

Jack reaches out, hand clasping around a guard and pulling him towards them and into a cell. "What's going on?"

The guard's eyes dances between Ryan and Jack. "You were in the boxes, weren't you? I remember you three arriving, you the Time Lord's retinue-"

"Just tell us what is going on because that was obviously not part of the show," Jack snaps, dropping the guard's arm. "Unless it was and you have piss poor control over your stock," The words tar his tongue the moment they leave it.

"Something has happened," The guard flounders on the spot. "But they can be controlled; I promise you they can be-"

Jack punches the guard, knocking him out. He shakes out his hand before reaching down and collecting the weapon from the guard's belt.

"What are you going to do with that?"

Jack barely looks at Ryan as he steps from the cell and turns the way the guards were running. "I think the Doctor is beyond the point of caring whether I kill them or not-"

"But she-"

"She might not do it," Jack beings making his way down the corridor again. "But I will, it's for protection."

Ryan can't honestly fault Jack's logic. "Give me a weapon then," He asks. "I know you have two on you now."

"No, Ryan," Jack shakes his head. "Keep your hands clean."

"This is my family we're talking about; I want to help them-"

"So help them by keeping your hands clean, all right?" Jack edges around the corner, slowing his footsteps and indicating for Ryan to fall in behind him. "Keep quiet."

They walk in silence as they exit the building; the alien sun beats down upon them, and they squint through the brightness. Jack scans the area, and he spots footsteps heading off towards the landing bays. "This way," His feet take off once more, up and over the small hill before skidding to a stop.

Ryan nearly crashes into Jack's back, stopping at the last second to stare wide-eyed at the carnage. "Are they-"

"No," Jack shakes his head as he moves through the disabled and moaning guards. "They've been unarmed and taken down, not killed."

Ryan looks towards the nearest guard. Human-ish, but that means nothing in the long run. His helmet has been knocked away, leaving his auburn hair to drape across his youthful face. Ryan crouches down, and he grabs the guards tunic. "Where are they?"

"Gone-" The guard chokes out. "-took out our squad without breaking a sweat-"

"Ryan," Jack nods towards the landing bay. "We still gotta find the Doctor and them, come on-"

"Doctor?" The guard blinks. "What do you mean by Doctor?"

Ryan drops the guard to the floor and stands. "Wherever she is-" He mutters and joins Jack again in a jog. They reach the landing bay and look over the gathered ships. "They could be in any of them."

"Or none of them," Jack murmurs. "If they try leaving via a ship they'd get shot down-"

"So, why have they come here then?"

"I don't know, but we just need to-"

There's a blur of black, and Ryan finds himself pinned to the floor next to Jack. There's pressure on his back, pushing him down and into the ground.

"I thought that was the last of them."

Ryan's eyes widen when he recognises the voice. "It's us-" He calls out, wriggling in the grip of his captor. "Graham, it's us!" The pressure on his back is relieved in an instant, and he feels himself roughly turned over. A gloved hand grabs at his face and angles his head to face the helmeted man above. He spots the blue eyes beneath the dark leather, narrowed. "It's really us, Graham."

"Not Graham," The man grunts. "Fifty-Five."

"What?"

"Fifty-Five," He gets up and stands back. "My name is Fifty-Five."

"It's-"

"Ryan," Jack shakes his head at the younger man. "Not now," He turns back and looks at two armour-clad humans before him. "Do you know who we are?"

"Ryan Sinclair, Jack Harkness," Fifty-five answers. "You found us,"

Ryan snaps his head to the shorter of the two. "Yaz-"

"Fifty-Four."

"You're not numbers," Ryan declares. "You're Yasmin Khan and Graham O'Brien, you're not bloody numbers."

"They're gone," Fifty-Five states. "We don't deserve those names, not anymore."

Ryan moves forward quickly, hands reaching out and pulling off the helmet from Fifty-Five's head. "You're Graham, you're not a number, and I missed you-" He grabs him into a stiff hug. "-I bloody missed you."

Fifty-Five looks at Fifty-Four, watches as she takes off her own helmet, throwing it to the floor to join his. "We need to leave, Fifty-Five, now, get out of the radius," Her eyes flick to Ryan. "And for his sake, if they find out-"

Fifty-Five nods and pushes Ryan back. "Leave-" He turns to follow Yaz. "And don't follow."

"Wait," Jack reaches out. "I know where the TARDIS is-"

"You came in the TARDIS?"

"Yeah," Jack turns and marches the way they came. "It's not far from here, come on."

"Lead us to it," Fifty-Four decides. "But we'll keep watch, make sure you get there safely, then you leave."

Jack hums at that. It should be him keeping watch, not these two who when he first met them all that time ago looked new-ish, still filled with a little bit of wonder—now filled with something else, jaded, unwilling to use their names. Just what was done to them? "Did you see the Doctor?" Jack spares a glance behind himself. "She left, and I'm assuming she's the reason you lost the-" He gestures at his neck.

"Collar?" Fifty-Five finishes off Jack's question.

"Yeah."

"No," Fifty-Four shakes her head. "Didn't see the Doctor."

"Maybe she's gone to the TARDIS-" Ryan suggests after a moment of thought. "But probably not-"

"What were you doing at the landing bay?" Jack looks at Fifty-Four and Fifty-Five. "You're both clever, you knew they would've shot you down the moment you tried to leave, so what were you doing there?"

"Are we far enough away?" Fifty-Five asks Fifty-Four. "From the bay and the complex?"

Fifty-Four nods and pulls out a small box-shaped object. She shows it to Jack, who widens his eyes. "An explosion?"

"Trap the bastards here," Fifty-Five spits. "Wild space, no laws, no one comes here, no ships to rescue them," He stares at Jack. "Hunt them down, kill them for what they made us do."

"And then what?"

"It's finished, no more," Fifty-Five says. "Never again, we stay here."

"But you can leave now," Jack points out. "In the TARDIS, you don't have to kill them; you can let them stay here as punishment."

"No."

"No?" Ryan repeats. "What do you mean by no?" Fifty-Four hands the device over to Fifty-Five who flicks the cap open; he presses his thumb against the trigger. "There are people there that you didn't kill, Graham."

"They are responsible," Fifty-Five stares at Ryan. "They profited, made me kill for sport-"

"But you don't have to kill them now," Ryan reminds, deciding now is not the time to consider the second statement. "I'm not saying they don't deserve to die, but you don't have to kill any more people, no one is making you kill them now but yourselves."

"You don't understand what they did to us," Fifty-Five snaps, eyes shooting to Jack when he spots the other man pull Ryan back. "They deserve to pay for every person that they murdered, that they made me-"

"They do," Fifty-Five spins and faces the Doctor. "But don't be the one to pull that trigger, Graham."

"Not Graham," Fifty-Five snaps. "Dead, gone, _I'm just a number now_ , but I kept her safe, kept her from the worst of it."

"Graham?" The Doctor looks at him. "Are you really gone?" The pause drags on. "If you were just a number, if you were _dead_ , as you have said, you wouldn't be hesitating on that trigger right now," She holds her hand out towards Fifty-Five. "Hand it over and step away because you're free now."

"Graham," Fifty-Four moves, and she takes the device from Fifty-Five's slack hand, rolling it in her hand before holding it out to the Doctor.

"Thank you, Yaz, thank you."

"You should leave," Fifty-Four says.

"Not without you two," The Doctor counters. "We've spent too long looking for you to leave you behind now."

"You said I couldn't travel with you if I killed, and I have, Fifty-I mean, Yaz, she hasn't, I did it for her, covered for her, kept her safe, had to keep her safe," Fifty-Five stares at the floor. "I can't go back to Earth; you said you wouldn't travel with me."

"No one will make you do anything you don't want to do, Grah-"

"Don't call me that," Fifty-Five mumbles. "Please."

"I'm not calling you by the number they gave you."

"Graham," Yaz says, and he snaps his head to her. "You don't have to protect me anymore," She stares at him. "I'm Yasmin Khan, Yaz to her friends, not a number, and neither are you," She takes his arm. "You know we responded to the names they gave us because if we didn't it would- well, it doesn't matter, but they're not here now, we can go back to our names."

"I've done too much-"

"Graham-"

"Yaz, Graham," The Doctor hands the trigger over to Jack. "We need to leave."

"What will happen to this place, Doctor?"

The Doctor looks behind her, eyes lingering against the sand brick building. "I've locked them out of their systems, programmed their anti-airship guns to target anything leaving the planet, and finally, I set the complex to broadcast a distress signal," She turns back. "To planets that they stole from."

"They'll die," Jack concludes. "You might've well pulled this-" He gestures the trigger in his hand. "-Doctor."

"Not all of them, Jack," The Doctor focuses on him. "The ones stupid enough to resist, everyone else will get a trial."

"And then what?"

"It's justice," The Doctor decides. "Our hands are bloody enough as it is; they don't need to be tarnished any further," She closes her eyes, takes in a breath and opens them. "Let's go, all of us."

Ryan extends a hand towards Graham. "That means you as well, gramps."

Fifty-Five looks at the hand before dragging his eyes upwards and locking them on Ryan's misty eyes. "Gramps?" He frowns. "You said gramps."

"Yeah, you're still my grandad no matter what they did to you or made you do," Ryan steps closer. "Unless you want me to call you Fifty-Five, 'cos I ain't doing that so that that idea can leave that head of yours."

"Okay."

"Eh?"

"No, I mean," He continues to stare into Ryan's caring face. "Call me-" He smiles, brief, alien on his face for the first time in years. "Call me Graham, Fifty-Yaz is right, they're not here, and I can use it, it's my name, just-"

"What?"

Graham looks away for a moment. "Maybe just wait on the grandad part," He looks back up at Ryan. "Let me feel like I deserve to be called that again, all right?"

"Okay, Graham," Ryan nods. "Now, shall we listen to the Doctor and go?"

Graham looks at the Doctor, sees the pain hidden on her face. "You sure?"

"Whatever you've done wasn't your choice, Graham," Her eyes flick to Yaz. "That goes for the both of you," She exhales. "I can't change what happened, but I can help you now, make up for the mistakes I made."

Jack rolls his eyes. "Maybe we can have this heart to heart in the TARDIS and not in a wide-open place that we're trying to escape from?" He claps his hands together. "So, shall we go?"


	2. "Pick who dies."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not what it seems, believe me, I would warn you if it was.
> 
> We're not about surprises like that here!
> 
> Whumpees: The Doctor with a little bit of Fam whump.
> 
> (PS, I wrote this ages ago, took it down and edited it to fit my writing style now/added to it so if it's familiar, that's why)

The Doctor awakens with an ache in her head that makes her feel woozy. She brings a hand upwards and rubs at her eyes, willing the dizziness to go.

"You've woken up then." A voice says from everywhere, and nowhere at the same time. "It's about time you did, because you, Doctor, you have a game to play and a choice to make."

The Doctor perks up at that, head snapping around the room and landing on her friends. Each one locked behind their own personal prison with a shadowy figure stood threateningly behind them. She leaps to her feet and rushes forward, hands leaving fingerprints on the glass while she tries to find anything that looks like it would open them.

"It's fruitless, Doctor," The voice points out. "There's no way for you to get to them, we know your tricks, and we've taken your screwdriver," She sends a hand to where she knows she keeps it and to her horror, it is gone. "See?"

"What do you want with them?" The Doctor demands in a threatening tone while looking around the room. "They've done nothing to you, whoever you are."

The voice lets out an indifferent chuckle. "Ha, nothing, I suppose they've done nothing accept travel with  _ you, _ " There's a beat on the other end. "The Destroyer of Worlds, the Oncoming Storm, the Great Exterminator, or simply put; War. And that's just to name a few. If I were to name them all, we'd be here for a long time, a very long time, huh, do they know those names of yours?"

Her face hardens, and she sees the flash of shock on her friend's faces. Ryan's apprehensive look, Graham's confusion, and Yaz's narrowed eyes. She never wanted them to know about that, wanted to let them believe the lie she built around herself this time, but with the Master showing back up, that's been hard to keep.

"Let them go," The Doctor warns. "Take whatever you need from me but let them go."

There's that laugh again. "Do you not get it, Doctor? Harming you would serve no purpose, killing you, no purpose. You'll come back again, a new face, and you'll repeat the cycle," She looks around the room again, trying to pinpoint where the voice could possibly be coming from. "Do you want to know your weakness?"

Whoever is speaking, hard to tell who they could be, their voice changing between sentences she thinks quickly as it pauses again. Almost like they want her to confirm what they already know.

She doesn't answer.

There's a sigh over the microphone. "Your weakness is them, Doctor, they've always been your weakness, haven't they? How many have you got killed over the years, Doctor? Or have you lost count?" There's that pause again. "Do these new ones know they're part of a list? One that contains the likes of Bill or Clara, perhaps? They were the latest to die, weren't they?"

She turns her head away because she can't bear to look into the faces of her new friends. "They've done nothing," She repeats again, pleading with the voice to listen. "Let them go, please ."

"Begging, Doctor, really? My, how far you've fallen, no, I don't think I will let them go, they're a major part of my plan and game after all."

"What plan?"

"I want you to pick one," She frowns and turns back to her friends. "Oh the other two will be fine, I'm not completely a monster, not like you," There's a sudden horror that flashes through her. "I want you to pick one to die."

"No, I'll have no part of your sick little game!" She screams to the room. "They've done nothing!"

The voice sighs again. "That's the other condition; you don't pick, they all die," Whoever it is, leaves the air empty once again, the dramatic pauses causing anxiety to build within her. "I'll give you five minutes to think it over. If you haven't decided by then, I will kill them all."

Her hearts are thumping in her chest, and she turns her panicked eyes to her friends. How could they ask her to pick one to die? She can't do it, but if she doesn't, they all will. Flicking her eyes across them all again and she sees the fear on all of their faces. Ryan and Yaz' are similar, but as she turns to Graham, she sees the same look but not directed at her but at Ryan and at Yaz instead.

She realises she can't hear them, whatever Ryan and Yaz are shouting at her falls on deaf ears. Eventually, Graham takes his eyes from Ryan and looks at her, he's pulling against the figure holding him in place, and she spots him mouthing something.

" _ Pick me Doc, don't you dare think otherwise, pick me! _ "

They stare at one another. He's made her decision for her, and it's the logical choice. He knows it, and she, unfortunately, knows it as well. Graham has had a good portion of his life after all, unlike the other two. 

That doesn't make it easier.

In the corner of her eyes, she sees that Ryan and Yaz have figured out what they've both decided and they turn their fearful eyes onto Graham, yelling and shouting at him. He chooses not to look at them, his eyes only locked on her, pleading with her to pick him.

"Have you picked, Doctor?" The voice asks with bearly concealed joy. "If you haven't, they all die."

The Doctor stares back at Graham, and he gives her a tight, knowing look. "I have."

"Who is it then, who are you killing this time? Which death will be on your hands today?" She doesn't dare speak; she knows she couldn't if she tried. The only thing she does is raise her arm and eyes to her chosen target. "Very well, the old man. It's the logical choice really; the other two are younger, more useful to you. He's had his life after all, hasn't he?"

She ignores the voice; whoever it is doesn't deserve her focus right now. Her friend, Graham, who's about to die, he does. And she's powerless to stop it from happening; she can only witness it.

"I'll tell you what I'll do though; I'll let you cradle him as he dies." The voice says in mocking kindness. "It's more than you deserve."

The Doctor widens her eyes, and she screams when the shadowy figure behind Graham rears back. It stabs it's darkened blade through his back and out through the other side before dissipating in smoke. The glass prison surrounding Graham falls away, leaving him to slump against the floor, his blood pooling around him as he gasps for needed air.

She sees the creatures holding Ryan and Yaz disappear as well, but their prisons stay up, blocking them from running to Graham.

"Graham!" The Doctor yells as she runs to his side, knees smacking painfully against the floor and sending shockwaves through her body. "I got you," She holds onto his slumped form and gently rolls him onto his back. "I got you, it's okay, all right?"

Graham stares back up at her, blood coating his mouth as he coughs. "It was the only choice Doc." He breathes out in gasps. "I don't blame you, mate, wouldn't blame you at all."

"You should."

"But I don't," Graham murmurs, eyes flicking to her face. "Keep them safe, all right? Get them home."

"I promise," The Doctor replies. "I'll get them back home."

"Good," Graham chokes. His head hits the floor, and he stares upwards, unfocused. "Good, not your fault-"

The Doctor takes in a shaky breath of her own, and she feels the tears escape her eyes. She has nothing to say to him, nothing to help or to offer to his dying body. She can only hold onto his hand, his grip and hers all the conversation they need together now.

But that soon falters, and she stares into his eyes and watches as the light leaves them with his head lolling to one side. Another one dead, another one on the list.

The Doctor buries her head against him, and behind her, she finally hears the swish of the glass that holds her two remaining friends getting lowered.

"You can't protect them, Doctor, you never can," The voice baits. "How many have you lost?"

She doesn't answer; she has nothing to say to them.

"It's for the best that this is simply a punishment for you, I suppose, no ones really dead," That gets her attention, and she snaps her head upwards. "This never happened, it was all a figment, you see, we tracked you on a planet. Figured out who and what you are and implanted this little plan within the food you ate, simple and unique and based entirely around your own thoughts Doctor. You friends were merely the passengers to your inner pain and your inner shame." The voice reveals. "You'll see soon enough."

The Doctor, Ryan and Yaz all look around. They flinch back when the very walls around them dissipate like the previous shadowy figures, leaving them all within the TARDIS console room to realise that this was all a pure evil and nasty trick.

They all leap back in shock when Graham jumps awake his hands pulling at his thankfully now blood-free shirt in terror. He snaps his eyes to his chest, eager to confirm that what he felt wasn't true. "What the hell happened?" Graham snaps in fear and anxiety, his breathing overwhelming him. "I was stabbed; I felt it, the pain what in the bloody hell is going on?"

The Doctor and Ryan are there at his side in an instant, but he flinches back from them, too scared to really recognise them. "Graham, grandad, it's us, we're here. It was- I don't know, a sick trick?" Ryan splutters, eyes only staying on the panic-filled ones of his grandad. "You're okay."

Graham shakes his head. "No, that was personal, not just a trick, that was a lesson of some kind."

Yaz turns to look at the Doctor, and she sees the anger, the darkness that was carefully hidden within her shine bright on her face. "Doctor?" The Doctor snaps her eyes to Yaz, causing the young woman to take a nervous step back. "Why would they do that, play this sick joke?"

"No, what we should be asking is what has the Doctor done to deserve it. Cause Graham is right, this was personal," Ryan spits. He stares angrily at the Doctor. "Whoever that was asked you which one would be killed this time, how many have you killed before Doctor? That doesn't seem like an off-hand comment, and we all saw the look on your face when they said it."

"Ryan, leave it because that's not fair at all on her-"

"No, Yaz, I won't leave it!" Ryan interjects. "Cause whatever she did nearly cause my grandad to die-"

"Ryan, drop it now!" Graham snaps in a tone of voice that leaves no room for argument. "Nothing happened to me," He lies easily and through the lingering pain in his chest. He moves backwards and towards the console to lean and sit against without a word, one hand still holding on to the spot where the blade exited him. "Just drop it, please."

"You'll have to answer that sometime, Doctor," Ryan gestures at her before turning on his heel and leaving the room, his entire body tensed with emotion. There's a crash in a distant corridor, one distinctively the sound of something being kicked.

There's a hand on the Doctor's arm that causes her to jump and stare at the owner. It takes her a second to see who it is. "Yaz-"

"What the voice said, was it true?" Yaz probes in a low voice. "Or was it just a lie, a horrible trick on us?"

The Doctor doesn't know what to say, and if she doesn't say anything, her silence confirms it, if she tries to cover, it'll be a lie. "I'm old Yaz and- and I've done things and lost people."

The young woman simply nods and turns her eyes upon Graham, who waves her concern away. The Doctor watches Yaz as she follows after Ryan, probably for the best. If she had to look at herself, she too would run away.

"Doc."

The Doctor ignores his call for a moment, her eyes only staring after Yaz before looking to Graham. She takes another moment before deciding to join him on the floor by the console. "Graham," She sighs. "You should talk to Jack about coming back from the dead-"

"Doctor-"

"Seriously, he can help you with-"

Graham turns to face her. "Shut up, please," He says. "Look, I don't resent your decision, you know that?" Graham explains slowly. He reaches over to her and takes her hand, mirroring the move from earlier. "It was the logical choice."

"That's not the point Graham, my past actions lead you three into that situation," She answers in a shaky voice. "I won't let it happen again."

"What are you gonna do about it?"

The Doctor faces Graham again with narrowed eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Well, something out there has it in for you, don't they? So what are you gonna do about it?"

She has to be honest with him and hopes that he'll understand. "I should find who did it and make sure they never do it again."

Graham only gives her a nod and hums. "What about if you don't do that? Take revenge I mean, you once told me not to, and I'd hate for you to do it on my behalf."

"They used you to get to me; they killed you, Graham."

"They didn't though and, well, first time for everything I 'spose, you never know, might go and speak to Jack about it, he should know what it's like as you said," Graham tries to force the joke, but the humour is hardly there. "Look Doc, don't think I ain't at least a little concerned about what was said in there 'cos I am, and Ryan is right, we need to have this chat at some point, but it happened, and we gotta move on, all right?"

She relents and sighs, sagging back against the console. "You're a wise man, Graham."

"Comes with the job, Doc." Graham smiles briefly before turning to look at the Doctor. "Leave Ryan to me, and Yaz, well, she'll come round eventually. Probably just a shock and stress for them both but they have each other to confide in for the time being."

"What about you, Graham?" Graham shrugs at her. "Don't give me that, you were-" She doesn't want to say killed. "You felt it."

"I did."

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault."

"Kinda is-"

Graham sighs. "It's not important what didn't happen Doc; it really ain't. We just gotta move on, cause I don't wanna think about it," Graham states. "Look, let's just get a cuppa, a cuppa always helps, don't it?" Graham says as he stands up. He reaches a hand down to her. "Fancy one?"

The Doctor accepts his hand and allows him to help her up. "We will talk about this Graham, but for the time being, we'll just get a cuppa."

Graham gives her the briefest of nods before heading for the kitchen. They both leave the console room empty and quiet in their wake. The only thing left behind is a bright spark that soon fades away, like dust in the wind.


	3. Held at gunpoint, uh, I mean knife point because this is Britain-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually, a little bit of fun and a tiny bit of mother henning.

"Come on, Ryan," Jack scoots up closer to the younger man, sidestepping past a woman and her dog as they enter the alleyway. "When is it?" He asks, eyes flicking back to the woman he just passed before focusing onto Ryan again. "Tell me."

Ryan rolls his eyes as hard as he can as he jams his hands into his jacket pockets. He shivers slightly from the early October chill in the air. "He doesn't want you to know."

"What harm is there in me knowing?"

Ryan side-eyes Jack. "You'd do something about it, and he doesn't want anything, so-" He pulls out a hand from his pocket and points a finger at Jack's face. "-no, you are not knowing when his birthday is."

"I bet it's in October-"

"It's not-"

"Thanks."

"What?"

"Well, it's around now, and you just said it wasn't in October which leaves either December or-" Jack grins at Ryan. "-November, and I'm going to guess it's November judging by how hush-hush you lot are being."

Ryan groans. "You played me."

"Like a fiddle," Jack winks as he claps the younger man on the back. "Now, I could get Graham something every single day in November or-"

"Or what?"

"You could just tell me the date, and we can put this all behind us, hey," Jack clicks his fingers. "I could even say I went and used my contacts to find it out; he doesn't have to know you told me, so what is the harm in knowing?"

Ryan sighs. "Fine, it's the twenty-fourth of November, but if he knows I told you-"

"You're not lying?"

"Nope, ask his mates if you don't believe me," Ryan shakes his head. "Honest to god it's the twenty-fourth 'cos my nan used to make me sign the cards she brought for him."

"You didn't get your own?" Jack's eyebrow quirks upwards. "Why didn't you?"

Ryan presses his lips into a thin line. "Look, me and gramps, well we had a rocky start, didn't exactly get along like we do now, so yeah, I never bothered to get the man a birthday or Christmas cards 'cos I didn't think he deserved them."

"Harsh."

"Hey," Ryan scowls at Jack. "When you have a shitty dad and a biological grandad that passed away when you were a kid, it's hard to trust a bloke that rocks up when you're seventeen expecting to just settle into your life."

"He did?"

"Uh, not exactly," Ryan pauses and leans against a nearby fence. "My nan wanted us to be a family and Graham, well, he didn't have family, so I guess she wanted to give him something he didn't have, and in the same respect she wanted to give me something that I lacked."

"Wish I could've met your nan-"

"No," Ryan grimaces in an instant. "God, no, 'cos if you're like what you're like with Graham then I really wouldn't want you acting like that with me nan-"

Jack looks offended. "Who said I was going to do anything?" He replies cheekily. "I just wanted to-"

"You two!" A sudden voice snaps Jack's and Ryan's attention to a man in front of them. His hand is wrapped around a knife. "Give me your wallet and phones-"

Jack pulls Ryan behind himself. "Mate," He raises his hands, eyes narrowed at the would-be robber. "We haven't got anything-"

"Hand it over, whatever you have," The man snaps, gesturing his knife forward. "I won't hesitate, I will hurt you!"

Ryan looks between Jack and the mugger. "Seriously, I'll do what he says-"

"Nah," Jack shakes his head. He focuses on the man in front of him. "Nice knife you have there-" He cocks his head to the side. "But there is a saying that people should really follow-"

"Jack, what are you doing?"

Jack places his hands on his hips, and in the process, he moves his coat to the side, revealing the Webley held in its holster. "And that saying is you shouldn't bring a knife to a gunfight-"

The mugger's eyes flick to Jack's hip and his hand wavers which is enough for Jack to move forward, catching Ryan off guard as he disarms the man and throws the knife off to the side. "Ryan, why don't you give Yaz a call?"

"Uh, yeah-" Ryan fumbles for his phone. He begins hunting for Yaz's number before remembering. "-wait, you mean the police, don't you? Not Yaz in general, I mean she could arrest him, but I'm sure she wants to spend her day with the Doctor and not-"

"Ryan, just phone them," Jack stares at Ryan before shaking his head. "I'd like to go home and not have to stay here with my knee pressed against this idiots back while we wait for them to show up by the way."

"You don't have a home-"

"I'm lodging at yours, ain't I?"

"Fair point," Ryan replies just as his phonecall reaches the station. He could've called 999, but honestly, it looks like Jack has it covered. As soon as he's done explaining over the phone what happened, he hangs up and frowns at Jack. "What are you doing?"

"Handcuffing him to the fence," Jack answers with a glance towards. "What does it look like?"

"Yeah, but why do you have handcuffs on you?"

"You really don't want to know," Jack grins. "That's between me and-"

"Yeah, all right," Ryan gestures for Jack to shut up. "Are you gonna wait for the police or not?"

"Nope," Jack stands and dusts himself off. "Too many questions, don't feel like answering them, and this idiot, well the knife is enough to get him arrested at least-" He leans down and stares at the struggling man. "-next time you try to rob someone don't pick the one man who has a gun and has dealt with bigger and scarier individuals than you."

"Fuck you."

Jack pushes his head against the fence before standing up and smiling at Ryan. "Come on."

"Are we really just going to leave him here?"

"Yup," Jack reaches for Ryan's arm and begins pulling him down the street and out of the alleyway. "Because I still want to get Graham a present."

"It's only October though-"

Jack shrugs. "I don't celebrate my birthday, when you have as many as I have had it doesn't really matter that much, so, let me celebrate his-" He pouts. "I'll get him something nice, I promise."

"Nothing, you know-" Ryan awkwardly gestures. "-rude?"

Jack looks at the motions Ryan is making. "Is that meant to be a-"

"No, god, no," Ryan turns away because he can't stand looking into Jack's shit eating grin. "Just get him something to do with West Ham, he'll be happy with that, all right? And this is important, don't mention this knife thing to Graham, got it?"

Jack salutes Ryan. "Understood," He begins pulling Ryan into town again and away from the sirens blaring behind them.

* * *

The moment the front door opens, Graham is up and out of his seat in an instant. "Where the bleeding hell have you two been?" He blurts out, panicked. "I've been worried sick 'cos there's been news going on about a madman with a knife and someone else with a gun, and I was-"

"We're fine," Jack shuffles past Graham. "It's sorted, so don't worry that pretty head of yours."

"It was on the-" Graham begins before he frowns. "Wait, what do you mean it's sorted?!"

"Ryan and myself were held up by a mugger, but I dealt with it, no big deal-"

"Jack," Ryan stares at the man, eyes as wide as saucers. "I told you not to mention that to him 'cos he's only going to-"

"Were you hurt?" Graham is next to Ryan in a flash, eyes searching for any possible injury. "You didn't lose your-"

"No, and no," Ryan shoves Graham off him as he walks into the front room. "Jack threatened him with a gun and then handcuffed him against a fence-"

"Good."

Ryan raises an eyebrow at Graham. "Good?" He snorts. "If the Doctor heard you saying that what Jack did was good, she'd have you both in a lecture about how it's wrong to carry guns."

Graham doesn't look concerned. "Are you okay, Jack?"

"You care?" Jack teases.

"Course I care, you saved my boy," Graham frowns at him. "And I don't want either of you or Yaz or the Doc, getting hurt."

"I'm touched," Jack smiles. "And I'm fine, although I'm missing handcuffs now," He winks at Graham who flushes a deep pink. "Anyway, you think Yaz can get me some?"

"Nope," Ryan answers quickly. "I asked for a taser once, and she told me no, never, join the police, complete the training, then get your own," He shrugs. "So, I got one from Amazon instead," He narrows his eyes at Jack. "And you are not using my Prime to get handcuffs; I do not need that on my search history thank you very much."

"I don't need yours," Jack reassures before he looks back at Graham. "I got you something by the way," Graham narrows his eyes at Jack when the man holds a bag out. "It's not going to hurt you."

Graham reluctantly takes the bag, and he peeks inside. "What is it?"

"I dunno," Jack shrugs with honesty. "Football never was my thing, but Ryan said you liked it, so I got you something for your birthday."

"It's not my birthday."

"No, but it will be soon," Jack claps the man on the back. "Now, anyone fancy strip poker?"

"Jack," Graham warns just as Ryan chokes on air. "I swear I will kick you from my house."

"Would you really?" Jack counters. "I could get into all sorts of trouble-"

Graham rolls his eyes. "For a more logical question than your previous one, anyone fancy a brew?"


	4. Collapsed Building

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last one and this one are whump lite but still whump
> 
> after the first two chapters, i decided they needed a little break
> 
> also written for giddleford and because I'm ill and wanted fluff
> 
> <3

It was loud.

That's the first proper thought that ran through their heads.

It was loud.

But it's not now, and their ears are ringing unpleasantly.

Yaz pushes herself upwards with a grunt. It hurts. Her eyes flick to where her hands should be, and she hears the crunching of glass underneath. She winces and settles herself into a sitting position; her mind puzzled about what just happened.

"Yaz?" Graham says, voice clipped, pained. "You good?"

"Mhm?" Yaz murmurs in response. She blinks around the darkened space, eyes searching for Graham. "Where are you?"

"Over here," Graham exhales with effort. "Need to know if you're okay-"

"My hands hurt," Yaz replies. "And my head. What about you?"

"Could be better," Graham responds. "Jack?"

"I'm fine," Jack answers a bit too fast.

Yaz shuffles over to where she heard Graham's voice. She pats around, finding his cardigan before locating his hand. She grips it tightly in hers. "Do you have your phone? I left mine on the TARDIS."

"Yeah," Graham nods, not that anyone could see it. "Inside pocket on the left-" He lets Yaz's hand go and reaches for it. "-here you go, cockle."

Yaz gladly accepts the phone and unlocks it, thankful that Graham trusted her enough with his password. She switches on the torch and blinks through the sudden bright light.

"You look rough," Graham stares at her. "Sit down, Yaz; you look like you got a nasty wound on your head."

Yaz's brows furrow and she reaches upwards, pulling her hand away to look at the spots of blood. "I'm fine," She says bravely. "How are you?"

Graham rests his head against the rubble behind him. "Peachy," He grits out in sarcasm. "My leg-" Yaz turns her head towards his leg, swallowing thickly when she spots it buried beneath the ruined building. "-judging by your face I don't think it's good."

"Can you feel it?"

"Yeah," Graham grunts. "That a good thing, right?"

"Yeah," Yaz replies before turning away and finally locking her eyes on their unnaturally quiet companion. "Jack-" He faces her, eyes glassy and unfamiliar. "You okay?"

Graham stares back. "Hey-" He tries to sit up, frowning when Yaz holds him still. "Yaz, I want to-"

"Graham," Yaz says in a tone that leaves little room for argument. "Your leg is trapped, and you could have other injuries, just sit back-"

"But-"

"I'll check Jack over, all right?" Graham sighs and relents. "Thank you." She pushes herself away from Graham, head throbbing as she makes her way over to their immortal friend. "Jack-"

"Can't be under here," Jack mumbles. "Can't."

Yaz shares a look with Graham, eyes asking if he knows what is going on. He shakes his head. "Why can't you?"

"Buried," Jack murmurs. "Can't be buried again."

"Again?"

Jack finally focuses on Yaz. "They buried me, left me alone for years, waking up, dying, repeating-"

Yaz's eyes widen when she realises. "Hey, Jack," She says, claiming his attention once more. "What colour is the jacket I'm wearing?"

Jack's eyes flick downwards. "Black-"

"Good," Yaz rewards. "And who's that sat over there?" She gestures behind herself.

"Silver fox," Jack answers with a slight smile. "Can't mistake his face."

"Are you seriously having a flirt while having a panic attack?" Graham murmurs from his side of the air pocket.

Yaz rolls her eyes even if she has to soldier through the pain in her head. "Yeah, that's Graham," She smiles. "You think he'd want you to go and sit with him?"

"Maybe," Jack snorts, mind coming back to him. "He'd like that-"

"Would I heck," Graham retorts playfully. "He uses me as a pillow at home!"

"I do not," Jack replies with offence. "He lies, don't listen to him."

"Guys," Yaz looks between them. "Argue later," She lightly warns. "Let's figure this out now."

"Fine," Jack nods. He pushes himself from the wall and makes his move over to Graham. "You look like shit."

"Charming," Graham frowns at him. "So do you."

Jack sighs. "I don't like this."

Yaz watches the pair of them. "What did you mean before?"

Jack glances at her as he settles himself next to Graham; he holds onto his hand. "I was buried before."

"Buried?"

"Wasn't nice," Jack murmurs. "Never liked it since, but I shouldn't have let it bother me like that-"

"You can't help it when it happens, Jack," Yaz reassures. "It just does."

Jack looks away from her and towards Graham's leg. "We need to get him out of here-"

"I think we all need to get out of here, Jack," Graham corrects. "Yaz has a head wound."

Jack's eyes widen. "You never said-"

"You needed to be grounded first, Jack."

"But still," Jack snaps back onto the reality of the situation, panic fading away to more of an annoying prod than anything more. "Right," He looks upwards and frowns. "We were underground, which means, what exactly?"

"That's a bunch of solid earth above us," Graham points out with a grimace. "It'll take them a while to find us, so maybe we shouldn't be talking."

"Even if we made a phone call," Jack looks towards Graham's lit-up phone. "They'd need to dig us out."

Yaz inhales and looks around the small pocket of air that they've found themselves in. "The Doctor and Ryan, maybe they could do something with the TARDIS?"

"There's not enough room here to land the TARDIS," Jack shakes his head. "Good idea, but she'll run the risk of landing on us rather than near us and even if she could land here, there's the issue of disturbing the rubble all around us."

"So, no TARDIS, no Ryan, and no Doctor," Graham concludes. "What do we have?"

Yaz glances around the small space once again before turning back towards Jack and more importantly; his wrist. "Jack-"

"What?"

"Can you teleport all three of us out with your vortex manipulator?"

Jack looks down at his wrist. "I can give it a go," He nods his head. "Gonna need your hand, Yaz."

Yaz makes her way over and extends her hand out to Jack. "How does this work?"

"The Doctor would call it cheap and nasty," Jack begins. "You might feel a bit woozy-"

"You say that like I don't already feel a bit woozy," Graham grumbles. He gives Jack his hand, as well. "You'll get us there in one piece, right? Cos no offence, but I like my body as it is."

"It is a nice body-"

"Jack," Yaz stares at him. "You can flirt later."

"Right," Jack smirks. "Flirt later, get us out now, okay, place your hands on top of mine," Jack instructs, waiting until they comply. "Right, aiming for outside the TARDIS, let's hope this works-"

He presses down and squeezes his eyes shut and then the next thing he feels is the warmth from the sun bearing down upon him. "It worked!"

"Great," Graham's voice replies in a muffled tone. "Can you get off me now?"

Jack's eyes widen, and he clambers off the younger man. He checks him over, making sure every part of him is accounted for. "There, one piece."

Graham props himself up on his elbows; he glances over to Yaz, who looks a little green but otherwise holding up. He turns his attention to his leg next and grimaces. It doesn't look broken, but it doesn't have to look broken to be broken as he knows all too well. He wiggles his foot and sucks in a deep breath. "Bad idea, oh that was a terrible idea-"

Yaz's eyes flick to Graham's leg. "You can still feel it?"

"Yeah, kinda wish I didn't if I'm honest," Graham winces. "It's broken."

"You know that?"

Graham lays flat against the stony ground. "Five aside footie in my teens, cockle," He breathes out. "Broke my ankle back then, know enough now to know it's broken again."

"You'll be all right, Graham," Yaz reassures. "Now the Doctor can come and pick us up, right?"

"Yeah," Jack nods as he stands and observes the area with a critical eye. "Lucky it was just us in there-"

Graham and Yaz look over the sunken ruins. "Why do you think it collapsed?"

Jack's mouth presses into a thin line. "Not sure, but that's not all that important right now," He states. "Yaz, give me the phone-" He reaches down to her. "You and Graham are both hurt, let me help you two."

"You were caught up in it with us, Jack," Graham points out.

"Doesn't affect me like it does to everyone else," Jack reminds. "Let's just sort this mess out, shall we?"

* * *

It's back in the TARDIS when the three finally can relax. Yaz has excused herself, gone to bed earlier due to her head still feeling a bit woozy, but overall doing fine according to the Doctor. So, that's great, truly, Graham is relieved.

But that was before the Doctor then went off at the government, Graham can only be glad he was couped up in a living room on the TARDIS, foot and ankle wrapped in a cast. Honestly, he was more concerned about Yaz, but the Doc did reassure them all that they're all okay.

So, that's one weight lifted from him; all he has to deal with now is the other weight on him.

The one that is currently using him as a pillow.

"Jack," Graham pokes him in the side. "You're using me as a pillow."

"Am I?" Jack grins.

"You know you are," Graham sighs as he settles back into a comfier position on the sofa. "Guess I'm staying here then."

"How come?"

"Well, I don't much fancy walking to my bedroom when I can sleep here, yeah my back will hurt, but that I can deal with."

Jack leans up. "I could help you back if you want."

"Nah," Graham shakes his head. "Truthfully, I'm pretty comfy as it is with you."

"You are?" Jack sits up and looks at Graham. "I can go and get you a duvet-" He pushes himself from the sofa and heads over to the handy pile of covers. "-back when I first travelled with the Doctor we had cuddle piles when we watched films," He chuckles. "It was me, the Doctor and Rose."

"Rose?"

"Fantastic woman," Jack reminisces with a fond smile. "Maybe we could do that again with all of us."

"Maybe," Graham shuffles himself on the sofa. He frowns when Jack climbs back onto it. "You're like a cat; you know that, right?"

Jack grins cheekily at that. "You shouldn't be such a comfy pillow."

Graham huffs but allows Jack to retake his spot. He rests his head back against the pillows. "Well, night then."

"Yeah, night."

"And Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"We should probably tell them at some point," Graham points out. "About us."

"I'll let you call that," Jack decides.

* * *

"Come on, Yaz," Ryan gestures for her to follow him. "I wanna show you something."

"I'm not sure Yaz should be moving around-"

"I'm feeling better, Doctor," Yaz reassures her worrying alien friend. "You said I was okay and the cream you gave me healed everything."

"But still-"

"It's okay," Yaz smiles at her. "I had a good night's sleep, and I kinda want to know what Ryan is so eager to show us-"

"If you're sure," The Doctor sighs.

"You coming?"

The Doctor gives a brief shake of her head. "I have a few things I need to sort out here; you two go ahead."

"It's good," Ryan promises the moment they leave the console room. "I went to go and check on gramps, but he wasn't in his room, so I went to the living room just off the observation deck, and I found him snuggled on the sofa."

"Snuggled?"

"Yup," Ryan says as he opens the door and gestures for Yaz to be quiet. He points to the sofa. "See, as I said, snuggled."

Yaz follows his arm, and she can't help the small smile on her face. "He does use him as a pillow then," She takes Ryan by the arm. "Let's leave them to it-"

"I want to take a picture, though-"

"Ryan," Yaz rolls her eyes. "Let them sleep and figure it out by themselves-"

Ryan frowns at that. "What do you mean 'by figure it out', Yaz?"

Yaz stares blankly at Ryan. "Just come on, Ryan," She drags him from the room and quietly shuts the door.

But not quiet enough.

"You think they're going to realise that we have figured it out?" Jack murmurs as he snuggles closer. "Or will I have to snog you in the console room for them to know?"

Graham snorts at that. "We can tell them, all right, Jack," He decides. "But after we get up."

"That's a good compromise," Jack agrees. "Wouldn't want to miss out on a lazy morning like this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> took me four chapters to make it jackham
> 
> a record
> 
> also
> 
> it's probably kinda rough but i am ill and I have dumb brain atm


	5. Failed Escape | Rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was an old story i had that i took, changed so much about it (like added a huge part in the middle) and fixed it to be at the level of which i write at now (mainly because I'm still ill and i was never happy with the OG story)
> 
> ALSO Bradley Walsh is legit red/green colourblind IRL which is why I made Graham red/green colourblind.

This was supposed to be a simple trip. Have a look at the sights and do all those tourist things, but when travelling with the Doc, you tend to bump into trouble whether you want to or not. 

Graham sighs and quickly hides behind a wall as strange alien guards pass him by. He sighs. Just one trip he wanted, instead he this is how he finds himself now, trying to get into the detention centre to spring his friends and family from it.

Well, he supposes he's lucky he's not currently locked with them. Considering half the time when he turns around they're gone because he spent time looking at the view. And yeah, they did make comments about why he stares for as long as he does, but that's between him and the views really.

Or something.

Truthfully, it's because he spends the time working out the correct colours and he's got quite good at guessing, but he can never quite get red right, which is why he was left behind while they were arrested.

Ah, you'd think driving would be an issue when you can't tell red or green apart, but it's not that hard if you just look for the things that stand out. 

Like now, how the doors to this darkened block all have little lights above them indicating when they are locked and unlocked, both look like a muddy brown to him, but if you follow the flashing of the light and wait like you would at a traffic light you can... and there, it flashes open.

Graham enters quickly and walks into the next room, glancing around to see if there are any guards around. He breathes a sigh of relief when he doesn't see any. "Hard part is over, Graham," He murmurs. "Then they'd be out, and we can get on with whatever the Doc had planned-"

He makes his way further into the block, picking up the sound of familiar voices and noticing when they start to fade, he picks up his pace. There's a security room just ahead, barred by a scary-looking metal door. Right, if they were anywhere, they'd be behind that. He reaches for the handle and sends blessings to any deity listening when it swings open.

"Graham?"

Graham snaps his head to the Doctor and then to the others. "I've been worried sick!" He says as he makes his way forward cautiously. They're locked in a glass room with what looks to be a key card system in place. Well, at least they're safe! "I leave you alone for one minute, and the next thing I see is you four getting arrested", Graham snaps, he would yell, but that might alert the guards. "I was so worried, are you three, all right?"

"We're fine, Graham," Yaz reassures him. "It's the Doctor's fault-"

"Oooh," Ryan smirks at her. "Blaming the Doctor are we, Yaz?"

"It's true," Yaz retorts with a frown, but there's a smile tugging at her lips. "She touched that sacred statue."

"I was stopping Jack-"

"Really?" Jack raises an eyebrow at her. "I think you'll find I was-"

"Guys, shut up," Graham presses a hand against the bridge of his nose. "And tell me how I can get you out of here, then you can blame each other after we get out."

The Doctor's nose scrunches up, and she can't help but stick her tongue out at Jack. "Key-card system, Graham, you need the correct card to open the door."

"Uh-huh, makes sense, I spose," Graham looks towards the Doctor and furrows his brows. "And maybe it's a dumb question, but why haven't you used your sonic to get out?"

The Doctor looks up to him and sighs. "No question is a dumb question, Graham! And I can't; it's got electromagnetic shielding in place. No tempering allowed from this side," She shows him by picking up a loose stone from the floor before throwing it at the glass. It bounces off the shield in sparks. "Learnt not to touch that quite quickly." She shows him a burnt fingertip.

"Okay, but it was funny-" Jack teases her. "-looked like a statically charged cat after she touched it."

Graham grimaces at it. "So, no sonic then," He starts looking around the room. "Anything in here that'll unlock that?" He gestures to the key card system. "Cos I don't have a card on me when I made my way in here."

The Doctor smiles. "Yes, just behind you and through the door is a wall full of key cards. I saw them as we were brought it. You just need to get the right card," Graham nods, standing up and walking over to the door. "It's the red one, can't miss it," He turns back to look at her before breathing deeply and walking into the room.

Of all the damn colours in the Universe, why did it have to be red? He makes his way into the room and over to the key cards, there's easily hundreds here. He's trying desperately to figure out the colours but he can't, they all have different markings on them, but he can't pinpoint the right colours. He could be holding anything in his hand right now. He sighs, he knows he's being way too harsh on himself.

Graham walks out from the room, after placing the key cards back. He watches as they all look at him in hope before frowning when they see that he doesn't have a key card with him. "I can't do it, Doc," he mumbles, looking away. "I'm sorry."

"What do you mean you can't do it?" Ryan frowns, all he had to do was get the card. "Just get the card."

"I can't, Ryan, I really can't."

The Doctor studies his face for a moment. It's not a matter of not being able to get the card; he can do that. It's something else. "Why can't you?"

Graham gestures at his eyes. "I can't see it, Doc," They each look at him with baffled expressions. "You said it was a red card and guess what? I can't see red like you four can, never have been able to."

"Ah, that makes sense," Ryan exclaims, causing each of them to stare at him. "I once found a note stuck to a cushion,"

"Ryan, what has this got to do with anything?"

"I'm getting there," Ryan rolls his eyes. "Basically, it said red on it in me nan's handwriting and I was confused but thought 'nout about it," He snorts. "But it makes sense now 'cos Graham is colourblind." He frowns and flicks his eyes back to Graham once more. "Why have you never said anything?"

Graham shrugs. "It never came up, never had to break my friends and family out of an alien cell before," He smirks at that before sighing. "Look, I learnt how to deal with it, can't help how you're born now, can ya?" He turns to face Ryan. "And your Nan, son, she figured it out when she asked me what shade of red paint looked better." He smiles at the memory before continuing. "I said neither; they both look like a muddy brown to me."

The Doctor looks at him. "You should head back, Graham, can't have you getting caught down here with us."

"I'm in agreement with the Doctor, mate," Jack stares at Graham. "We'll figure something out; if they find you down here it'll be worse for you then it will be for us."

Graham shakes his head. "Jack, I appreciate the concern, I really do, but I didn't come all this way just to go back. We'll have to figure something out."

"Did the card in question have any markings on it?" Yaz says with a frown, causing them all to look back at her. "Because if Graham can't see the colour red then maybe he can see something else, like a pattern or something."

The Doctor thinks back, trying to remember. "Maybe, I think I saw three lines running across it. Perhaps a circle shape at one end?" She looks at Graham with a doubtful expression. "They took us in here quite quickly only managed to get a glimpse of the card that they used."

"Well, I guess it's good enough," Graham goes back into the side room and looks at the cards again. "Right, okay, three lines, circle," He spots about sixteen cards matching that description and quickly grabs them all, hoping that one of them is correct. "I got some, but you're gonna have to tell me what it is-" He drops them on the floor and lays them out flat.

"There are ten red ones," Ryan points out. "Do you recognise any of them, Doctor?" 

"Try them all, Graham," The Doctor instructs. "Do it quickly because the moment you slot the first one in they'll know someone is in this room-"

Graham swallows thicky and grabs the ten they each point at and begins slotting them through the key-card reader. The first four don't work, and Graham starts worrying that he's selected all the wrong ones. "Come on-" He pleads, head snapping back down the corridor when he hears footsteps. He continues slotting them in, sweat beading at his forehead when the next four cards get declined.

It's the ninth that the light on the lock flashes green and Graham leans back just as the people in charge barrel into the small containment room. "I thought we got them all-" One snaps as he reaches for Graham, dragging him back. "-get that door shut-"

Jack pushes himself from the opposite wall, arm slamming through the opening and stopping the other guards from shutting the cell door. "Help me push the door open-" He grunts out through the pain in his arm.

Graham stares at the commotion from his position against the floor. It's a matter of immovable object vs unstoppable force with each set of people pushing against the-

"Stop or I'll kill him," Graham's eyes shut when he feels the cold steel press against his head.

Ryan and Yaz let go in an instant, but the Doctor narrows her eyes at the guard. "I wouldn't say that if I was you," She stares through him. "Let him go-"

"No-"

"Let him go," The Doctor speaks in a tone that leaves little room for argument. "Because I won't stop the one man here willing to kill if you hurt him-"

"Doctor-" Ryan stares at her. "What are you doing?"

"Yeah, I'd like to know the same bloody thing-" Graham frets. "I quite like my head attached to my body, thank you very much."

She ignores Ryan and Graham. "Do you know who I am?"

"Doctor," Jack warns. His eyes flick to Graham.

"You broke one of our sacred laws," The guard snaps. "And this one tried releasing you-" The steel presses down harder and Graham whimpers, eyes closing.

"She touched a statue," Yaz counters over the hammering of her heart. "She didn't know; we didn't know-"

"The laws are there not to be broken-"

"By your kind maybe," Yaz presses on. "But we're human-" Her eyes flick to the Doctor. "-and Time Lord-"

"Time Lord?" The guard repeats as he looks at the Doctor in a new light. "No, you can't be-" He frowns, eyes flicking to the other guards. "-she can't be a Time Lord, they are gone-"

"Well, she's living and breathing proof that they aren't gone," Jack snaps. "Let him go," He struggles against the door. "Because if you hurt him-"

The guard looks down at Graham, and he weighs his options and decides. The metal lessons on Graham's head before being removed altogether.

"Oh, thank god," Graham murmurs against the floor. His eyes open, and he scrambles away from the man who so recently held a gun to his head.

"Sir?" A guard looks between them all. "What do you want us to do?"

"Release them," The man in charge orders. "Just release them-"

"But sir," Another guard approaches him, leaving the door to be pushed open finally. "They broke the scared law; they can't be let go without punishment."

"I'm well aware of that!" The man in charge snaps. "What would you have me do? Are you willing to go against the fury of a Time Lord?" He demands. "We all know the stories of the Time War."

Yaz looks towards the Doctor, her eyes searching the alien woman's face for answers and finding none. She turns from her and looks towards the leader. "We'll go, and we won't come back," She says as Ryan pushes past them all to go and pull Graham into a hug. "We promise you."

"Just get out of here."

"Gladly," Jack glares at the man as he steps out. He looks at Graham and extends a hand towards him, pulling him up to his feet and into a hug. "You all right?"

"Yeah," Graham answers, hugging back. "Kinda got a bit scared, thought that was it-"

"Well, it wasn't," Jack pulls him in tighter, his eyes flicking to Ryan. "Come on, TARDIS, because I think he's gonna need a cup of tea after this." Ryan nods and begins following them out. "We'll see you later, Doctor."

The Doctor nods at Jack before turning her eyes back onto the man in charge. "Stick a sign up if you don't want people touching things," She leans in. "You threatened a man's life over a mistake, would your gods really be that impressed with you?"

"Doctor," Yaz reaches out to take her arm, frowning when she shrugs her off. "Just leave it, Graham wasn't hurt-"

"Remember that next time," The Doctor turns on her heel.

Yaz shares a look with the man, but she doesn't speak as she follows the Doctor out, leaving the guards stood looking around forlornly.

* * *

"So, you're colourblind then?" Jack questions Graham, his eyes linger on the younger man's hand as they wrap around his mug. "Kept that quiet."

"Yeah," Graham mumbles quietly. He sips at his tea. "Got in the way, though, didn't it?"

"What do you mean?" Ryan frowns at him in concern.  
  
Graham shrugs. "I had to bring the cards to you to know which was the right one," He points out. "If the roles were reversed, that wouldn't have needed to be done, and we would've been out sooner."

"That's if though, gramps."

Graham looks into his tea, frowning at the brown liquid. "What if it happens again? What if the Doc asks me to hand her something that is a colour I can't see, and I can't do it?" He looks up at them. "It was lucky that it was just me who was in danger-"

"Lucky?" Ryan repeats in horror. "Are you really blaming yourself for what happened 'cos you can't see red?"

"It was my-"

"God, if you say fault," Ryan interjects with frustration. "So, what, the card was red, what if it was me breaking you four out and I had to cross a gap?"

Graham places his tea down and gets up. "I don't want to have this argument with you," He turns to leave the kitchen. "I'll see you tomorrow, Ryan."

Ryan stares after him dumbfounded. "He can't be seriously blaming himself for what happened."

Jack looks at the door. "I think he feels guilty for not managing to get the card on the first go."

"But it's not his fault," Ryan reminds. "He can't help the way he was born, god, why did he never say he was colourblind-"

"Do you tell people you have dyspraxia?" Jack returns the question to Ryan. "Do I go around telling people I can't die?"

"Well, no, but-"

"But nothing, Ryan, maybe Graham feels-" Jack trails off, uncertain.

Ryan groans. "Like he's lacking, 'cos he's right, if you, me, the Doctor, or Yaz were there, we would've got the card and figured it out quicker than he could've, but what he doesn't get is that there were ten cards, Jack, and even if we got all of them, we'd be in the same position that he was in 'cos we didn't know what the right card was."

"I don't think that's just it, Ryan," Jack sips at his tea. "He was scared," He sighs and pushes himself from the table. "I'm going to go and make sure he's all right."

Ryan nods at Jack, and he watches as he leaves. He'll go and speak with the Doctor and Yaz, try and figure something out with them.

Sure enough, they're still stood in the console room when he enters. The stillness between ends the moment they see him. "Hey-"

"How is Graham?" Yaz asks worriedly.

"Shaken," Ryan answers with the truth. "Jack is with him, but I think it's gonna be an early night for him," He steps further into the console room. "Doctor, I wanna ask you something-"

"Go ahead," The Doctor continues flicking at switches on the console.

"I'm not asking if there is a cure 'cos that's all sorts of wrong, but I was wondering if there is something we could do for Graham like in the future-"

"Like, what?" Yaz furrows her brows at Ryan.

"I dunno, something that lets him see red," Ryan shrugs. "He's beating himself up 'cos he couldn't see it and maybe if he can keep it in his pocket it would help or something."

The Doctor's hands stop on the console, and she looks up at Ryan. "Not the future, no-"

"Oh."

"-But in the present, there is," She looks at Ryan. "You remember when he asked for sunglasses on Desolation?"

"Uh, yeah, I spose."

"How about we get him a new pair?" The Doctor suggests, her moody expression lifting from her face.

"What are you talking about?" Ryan questions. "You can get something?"

The Doctor just smiles at him before giving The TARDIS a direction to travel in. "I know a guy," She says. "Who owes me a favour."

* * *

"How are you feeling today?" Graham glances towards Jack, and he shrugs. "You have words, Graham."

"What do you want me to say?" Graham scowls at Jack over his barely touched toast. "I feel like an idiot for screwing up yesterday."

"How many times do I need to say that you aren't an idiot?" Graham turns his scowl onto his toast instead. "Remind me never to date men younger than me-"

That causes Graham to look up with a strange expression on his face. Like he's only just realising the difference between them.

"Hah, got that scowl off your face."

"Bastard."

"Rude," Jack saunters forward and pokes him in the arm. "Are you always this grouchy?"

"No," Graham admits with a sigh. "I'm sorry-"

Jack takes the spare seat next to him. "Don't worry about it," He takes his hand and squeezes it. "You had something scary happen, and you think it's your fault, even when it isn't your fault."

"When you word it like that you make it seem like I've had a nightmare or something-"

"Okay, fine," Jack leans back. "If that happened to the Doctor or me, we'd shrug it off because for us, well that's common-"

"Okay, now that is worrying."

"Shh," Jack reaches out and places a finger over Graham's lips. "All I'm saying is that you are an ex bus driver, when would you have ever had a weapon pressed against your skull?"

"Norway," Graham reveals in a mumble against Jack's finger.

"Wait. What?"

"And New York in the past," Graham frowns at his toast. "But it wasn't a gun; it was a bone knife and a claw."

"Are you joking?"

Graham looks back at Jack and shakes his head. "I suppose I shouldn't have gotten so scared if it happened before."

"Okay, no," Jack shakes his head. "Just because it's happened before doesn't mean you shouldn't-"

"There," Graham smirks at Jack. "Got you."

Jack's eyes narrow at Graham. "What do you mean?"

"If you're telling me that I shouldn't treat things like this nonchalantly, then you shouldn't do the same as well, that applies to you and the Doc."

"You're a crafty bastard; I'll give you that."

Graham snorts at that. "Guess I am," He pushes himself from the table. "How about we go and find the others, they're probably worrying about me."

"I'm worrying about you," Jack mutters as he follows behind Graham.

They make the short trip to the console room, frowning when they enter. "What is going on? Why are you all stood in here looking weird?" Graham says as he looks at all of them.

"We were waiting for you," Ryan admits as he rubs the back of his neck.

"Why?"

Ryan looks between Yaz and the Doctor before turning back to Graham. "We wanted to get you something; hopefully, it'll work for you." He steps forward and hands him a box.

Graham raises an eyebrow as he takes it. He reads the packaging and gasps before looking up at them. "I can't accept these, do you know how much they cost? 'Cos Me and Grace looked at them, and they cost an arm and a leg."

"Of course we do, and the price doesn't matter," Yaz smiles, eyes quickly looking at The Doctor. "The Doctor pulled some tricks."

Graham doesn't say anything as he takes the shades from the box, gently putting them on and looking around.

"It says it should take a moment to work," The Doctor informs him.

Graham looks around the TARDIS in wonder. "I've never seen it like this before," He admits as he locks his eyes back onto them. "It's-" He frowns. "-Is it orange?"

"Yup," Ryan answers with a smile. "You should be able to see red and, well, any colour really."

"Yup, take a look outside," The Doctor gestures towards the doors.

Graham walks towards the doors, opening them. His eyes widen when they lock onto the red giant. "That's-" He turns around. "-Is that really red?"

"In all of its glory," Ryan smiles at him.

Graham turns back to them. "It's very bright."

"Well, you kinda are looking at a sun-" Yaz smiles at him. "I'd be worried if it wasn't bright."

"Oh, true," Graham chuckles as he turns back around to look at the burning red giant. "This is great, guys, truly I mean it."

Ryan walks up behind Graham and wraps his arm around his shoulder. "You can keep them on you, so if we ever run into a problem like that again, you have them ready."

"Sorry for sorta snapping at you yesterday, I know you meant well with what you were saying."

"Ah, it's fine, Graham," Ryan reassures. "Although I wished you kinda mentioned the colourblind thing."

"Didn't see the point," Graham admits. "And you had enough to deal with."

Ryan sighs. "I got something else I want to show you as well," He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. "Course when we get home you can have a look at all the pictures, but for the time being this will do-" He holds his phone out, gesturing for Graham to take the device.

Graham frows under the shades and accepts the phone from Ryan. He turns it over and stares at the screen, eyes instantly filling up. "Oh," He whispers as he runs a thumb over the picture. "I never-"

Jack strides up and looks over Graham's shoulder. His eyes meet Ryan's, and he gives him a nod and a smile.

"God, she's even more beautiful," Graham whispers for only them to hear. "Thanks, son," He looks at Ryan with a genuine smile on his face. "This means the world to me."

"You deserve it," Ryan smiles back, sniffing himself. "Thought you'd love to see what nan looked like to us-" He wipes a hand over his face. "-Now, how about we head back over to the Doctor instead of crying in the doorway of her ship?"

Graham glances over his shoulder, and he snorts at the Doctor's awkward form fiddling with the controls. "All right," He glances over to Yaz and smiles at her. "Cheers-"

"What for?" Yaz asks as the Doctor looks up.

"For the glasses," Graham explains. "And for being here, honestly, it means the world to me."

Yaz nods just as the Doctor decides to clap her hands together. "So, guys, I was thinking that maybe we can go to the museum of colour and when I say colour I mean colour, there are colours in there that even I can't see."

"I'd like that, Doc," Graham wipes a finger under his shades. "I'd like that a lot."


	6. "Get it out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: a very minor panic attack, blood
> 
> ps,
> 
> me: i can do angst for all  
> also me: graham and jack angst

"Aw, come on," Jack presses a hand against the large pole sticking out through his abdomen the moment he gasps awake. He looks over to his right when he hears two sets of footsteps rushing over. "I'm okay-"

"You had a- fucking hell, Jack!" Ryan skids to a halt and Yaz crashes into his back. "You have a pole sticking out of you! Why do you have a pole sticking out of you?"

Yaz snaps from her shock of slamming into Ryan's back to look over at Jack, bug-eyed. "Oh my-" She pushes past Ryan and kneels next Jack. "-don't move, I'll go and get some help, all right?"

"Yaz," Jack lays a hand on her hand. "It's not that bad-"

Ryan finally pulls himself over to Jack. "It looks pretty bad to me!"

"Nah, you know the worst thing?" Jack glances down with a frown. "That's another shirt ruined," He points out. "And it's one of the ones that Graham got me, oh, he's going to be upset-"

"Uh-" Yaz flicks her eyes to Ryan and back again. "-I think the shirt is the last of your issues, Jack, now stay calm-"

"I am calm," Jack chuckles. "Honestly, this right here-" He gestures down to his abdomen. "-this is a Saturday, once had a stray Javelin strike me, now that was a nasty death."

"Is it shock?" Ryan looks at Yaz. "Like, is he dying-"

Jack rolls his eyes before sighing. "None of you have seen this yet, have you?" He looks between them. "I wasn't messing about when I said I couldn't die; you believed me when I said it, well, this is it."

"But you're hurt-"

"Couldn't die, Ryan," Jack enunciates. "There's a difference between dying and getting injured and this right here is getting injured-" He'll definitely leave off the part about actually dying. "-seriously, I'll be fine once one of you remove it."

"Bagsy not me," Ryan practically jumps away from them. "I'd do it wrong, and it's gross."

Yaz shakes her head at Ryan before turning back towards Jack. "Seeing that Ryan is a wuss-"

"I am not," Ryan pouts. "I just don't want to be the one responsible for hurting Jack."

"Believe me, Ryan, you aren't," Jack shuffles himself, so he's sitting up. "Yaz, you just gotta pull."

Yaz nods. "From the front or the back?" She questions with nerves. "I've never done this-"

"Go from the back," Jack requests with a grimace. "That's where it entered-"

"How did it even enter?" Ryan looks at Jack with a baffled expression.

"Got into a bit of a scrap if I'm honest," Jack shrugs and regrets that poor life decision in a moment. "Basically, wound up the wrong guy, he shoved me back, I fell, and hey presto-" He points at his abdomen again. "-I'm doing a cosplay of that woman from Shaun of the Dead."

"You've watched Shaun of the Dead?" Ryan looks surprised. "I didn't think you'd know what that was."

Jack raises an eyebrow. "I've lived through the twentieth and twenty-first century; I was bound to watch things."

"Oh, I spose, I guess I just-"

"Ryan," Yaz looks over Jack's shoulder. "Talk about this later because I'm trying to figure this out-"

"Just pulling it out is best, kid-"

"I'm not a kid," Yaz frowns at the back of Jack's head. "Don't call me that."

"All right," Jack's hands rise in mock surrender. "But for real, just yank it out like it's a giant splinter."

"Sure?"

"Positive."

Yaz grimaces as she holds onto the pole. She sucks in a deep breath and yanks the pole back through Jack in a squelchy sound. She spots Ryan gag just as she drops the pole to the floor with a clatter. "Jack?"

"I'm fine," Jack winces as he presses a hand against his stomach. "It'll heal," He reassures the pair of them as he unsteadily pulls himself to his feet. "Now, I need a drink-"

"You just-"

"Drink first," Jack stumbles into the bar.

"Jack, you should report it to the police-"

Jack side-eyes Yaz. "Aren't you the police?"

"On Earth, maybe," Yaz reminds him. "But not here."

Jack shrugs and motions for the barkeep to pour him something stiff. "Ah, the guy has enough panic thinking he killed someone, and really I don't want questions as to how I survived it."

Ryan filters in behind them. "That was gross."

"You get used to it."

"Don't let Graham ever see it," Ryan sits himself down and taps the bar, indicating that he'll have whatever Jack is having. "He doesn't do gore at all-"

"He doesn't?"

"Nope," Ryan shakes his head. "Turns his stomach completely."

"Noted," Jack inclines his head. "Are you having one, Yaz?"

"I don't drink," Yaz reveals with a shrug. "We should probably head back after your drink; the Doctor might want to check you over-"

"Nah," Jack accepts the shot of whiskey when it arrives, necking it the same time Ryan does. "She wouldn't," He pushes himself from the bar. "Well, I'm going for a lie-down. I'll see you two later."

"Do you need a hand?"

"I'm good, Yaz," Jack nods at her. "I can make my way back to the TARDIS."

He exits the bar and beings the trip back to the TARDIS. A few people give his puzzling looks, but he pays them no mind and exhales when he spots the ancient ship in the distance. He shuffles towards and lets his free hand linger on the wood while the other clings to his midsection. He looks up at the blue box and sighs. Hopefully, the Doctor and Graham are still out and doing their own thing; the last thing he needs is them seeing his bloodied shirt.

At least he wasn't wearing his coat; he's repaired the holes in it one too many times now.

Right, bedroom, change the shirt, bin it, tell Graham he's spilt coffee down it. 

The younger man will never know.

He stumbles through the ship and sends her a thanks when she leads him to his bedroom on the first try.

And that's where his luck runs entirely out because he locks his eyes on Graham. "Uh-"

"Jack?" Graham blinks at him. "I thought you were-" His voice trails away when his eyes lower to the bright red stain on his shirt. "-Oh my god, what happened?" He moves forward, hands reaching out for Jack and dragging him over to the bed. "Do I need to-" he feels his panic rise, chest heaving. "-what do I need to do?" 

"Graham, stop," Jack lays a hand on the younger man's arm. "Immortal, remember, I'm fine-" He says, trying to edge through the growing panic in Graham's eyes. "-seriously-"

Graham stares back, unable to shake the worry away. "You're hurt-"

"No, no, I'm not," Jack pulls Graham down to the bed and grabs his hand. He pulls the shirt upwards and lays his hand on the pale skin of his stomach. "See? Healed-"

Graham keeps his hand flat, absorbing the warmth from Jack's midsection. "You're all right, then?"

"Yeah," Jack snorts. "Sorry for worrying you."

"How did you get hurt?" Graham questions next, eyes still a bit distant and locked on Jack's stomach.

"I don't think that's all that important really," Jack reassures the spooked man. "Are you okay?"

Graham slowly moves his eyes from the healed wound to Jack's face. "I couldn't- I couldn't help Grace at all, knelt above her as she died and I suppose knowing you were hurt, I just kinda panicked."

"I'll show you, so you don't have to worry about me," Jack says as he lifts his ruined shirt. "See, not even a scar-" He comforts. "-also, sorry about the shirt-" The causes Graham to frown. "-it was one of the ones you brought for me because you wanted a bit of variety to my wardrobe."

Graham smiles at that. "Not really fussed about the shirt, just glad you're okay after whatever happened to you if I'm honest, love."

"Good," Jack stands and begins pulling the shirt off. "Why don't you help me pick another out then?"

"That I can do," Graham eyes Jack. He takes the bloodied shirt off him as he gets up. "I can't promise what colour it'll be though."

"Don't care about the colour," Jack retorts. Graham glances at Jack, eyes lingering where the wound was before slowly moving up. "Are you really having a look?" 

Graham flushes red and tries to cover for himself as he turns back to the dresser. "Go and wash up, Jack, you're covered in dried blood-"

Jack laughs at that and squeezes past Graham. He leans in. "Did you like what you see, though?"

"Just go and wash up, Jack," Graham mumbles, beat red. "You're a menace to everyone around you, you really are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i shouldn't have to explain why whumptober is different to the ~other~ events going on in October but urgh
> 
> whump is what you make it, it's no different to angst and it's not glorifying anything (the stuff i'm writing anyway)
> 
> and being sent messages about it when i, personally, haven't said anything/done anything (as in leaving comments or @ting people) other than writing something soft and telling people to be safe while looking through the tags was a pretty shitty thing to get (and if you didn't like how i worded it when i requested for people to be safe, then you don't have to actually follow me because i posted that untagged for my followers to read because i care about their wellbeing)
> 
> i am an angst writer, but my angst always focuses on the after-effects as well as what happened within the fic, it's never written to be ~hot~ or a fantasy, it's written to show the actual horror to anything that happened
> 
> anyway, that's all I'm actually going to say on the subject and will continue with whumptober without being made to feel guilty


	7. Support

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: the eighties were shit for LGBT+
> 
> there's a very tiny amount of thasmin in this
> 
> also
> 
> i once wrote the beginning of this on my tumblr but never actually finished it until today so it might be familiar

"Ryan?" Yaz blinks in astonishment at the sight of her friend. "Where did you get the sunhat from?"

Ryan turns around, grinning. "Dunno, some guy gave it to me when he called me handsome."

"I love a hat," The Doctor beams, her smile grows even wider when Ryan takes his hat off and places it on her head. "No, Ryan, it's your hat!"

"You can have it, Doctor," Ryan nods, before frowning and looking at the pair of them. "Have you seen Graham by any chance?"

"He's not with you?" The Doctor asks with slight worry. "I thought you went off together."

"We did, but I lost him a while back now," Ryan confesses. "The crowd got pretty big, he was there one moment and gone the next, you know what he's like." He shrugs. "You take your eyes off him for a second, and in that second he's got distracted by something. I swear he's like a dog 'cos you gotta keep your eye on him."

"Do you know where it was?" Yaz probes, metaphorical police hat slipping on.

"What?"

"The last place you saw him, Ryan." Yaz rolls her eyes. "What did you think I was asking?"

"Uh," Ryan mumbles, turning on the spot and glancing around. "It was by a woman handing out packages of Pride flags to people."

"A woman?"

Ryan turns and faces Yaz. "I remember her; she probably was the last one to see him."

Yaz gestures for Ryan to lead the way through the crowd, people parting the way like fish due to their focused expressions.

"There she is," Ryan points her out. He makes his way over with Yaz and the Doctor following behind. "Excuse me-"

The woman turns around, her smile reaching her eyes as she glances across the three of them. She has a trans flag wrapped around her shoulders. "Hello, oh!" There's a flash, brief as it may be when she realises that none of them has a flag. "Did you want one?" She gestures to her Satchel. "I've given quite a few out so I might not have everything at the moment. It's not much, but I made them."

"Oh!" The Doctor's eyes light up. "Do you have-" She gestures to the rainbow on her chest. "-something like this?"

The woman nods, and she reaches into her pack, pulling out a rainbow flag. "Here you go," The Doctor gladly accepts it. "Is that everything?"

The Doctor glances towards the woman while she ties the flag around her shoulders. "We came over to ask something as well," She steps back and lets the flag drop down her back with a satisfied smile before turning back to the friendly woman. "We were just wondering if you saw our friend?"

The woman blinks, standing straighter with a concentrated look on her face. "I've seen a lot of people today, can you describe them? It would help me if you could."

Yaz comes forth. "He's a bit shorter than Ryan here, older as well, late fifties, got a brown leather jacket on."

Her eyes widen, and she nods. "I've seen him; you must be the three he spoke about," She smiles. "He's a kind man, slightly nervous, think it's his first Pride."

"It probably is," Yaz agrees with a chuckle. "We brought him along when we decided to come."

"Oh, that was good of you," The woman smiles. "It's probably hard for him, but he's got caring friends, spoke very highly of all of you." Her smile falters. "His generation suffered a lot; it's a good thing he's expanding himself now."

"Did he say where he was going?" Ryan questions.

"Mentioned something about getting food after speaking to me," The woman informs them. "The stands are over there." She gestures towards her right.

Ryan laughs with amusement. "Honestly, why didn't we go and check the food stands first?" He asks with disbelief. "That should've been our first call." He says, turning and marching away with the Doctor.

Yaz sighs and laughs after Ryan before turning back to the woman again. "Sorry about them, it's Ryan's grandad we're looking for, and the Doctor can be so focused sometimes," She explains. "Thank you; you've been a great help!"

"My pleasure." The woman smiles. "You sure you don't want a flag as well?"

Yaz pauses, half-turned towards the others as she glances back. "Do you have a bisexual flag?"

The woman smile wavers. "I gave the last one out I'm afraid."

"Worth an ask," Yaz shrugs. "I'm sure I'll get something, thank you once again."

"As I said, my pleasure to help," The woman nods. "Enjoy your day."

"I will!" Yaz smiles at her before turning and following after Ryan and the Doctor. Once again their focused steps split the crowd and soon enough they're standing around the pop-up stands, eyes searching for the telltale brown leather jacket and finding nothing. "He could be anywhere."

The Doctor scrunches her face. "Too many people around to get an exact location on him with the sonic."

"What do we do then?"

"The tried and tested option?" Yaz suggests with a shrug. "I'll go this way, and you two go in the opposite direction."

"Sounds good-"

"Meet back up here in ten minutes?" The Doctor orders before turning away from them. "With or without him." She calls out over her shoulder.

Ryan gives Yaz a nod, and she watches him as he walks away. "Where would Graham go?" She murmurs to herself, feet taking her away from the spot.

She glances around, looking for the brown leather. It's difficult though, shirts and jackets covered by flags. "Graham?" Yaz calls out, hopeful that her voice can break over the crowd.

"Yaz?" A voice says from behind her. "What are you yelling my name for?"

Yaz turns and smiles when she spots Graham, who has a nervous expression on his face. "There you are, we couldn't find-" She frowns, spotting the fabric draped around his shoulders. "What is that?"

Graham catches where she's looking, shifting on his feet. "A woman was handing them out, and I wanted one."

"Do you know what it means?" Yaz asks with a raised eyebrow.

"What?"

"The flag, Graham," Yaz informs him, feeling awkward for pointing it out. "It's for people who identify as bise-"

"I know what it is, Yaz," Graham interjects in a neutral tone, but she picks up a hint of panic buried within it. "I wouldn't be wearing it if I didn't know what it was, but I kinda wish I didn't have it now."

Yaz blinks at Graham, her brain slowly catching on to what Graham is saying, or better yet, telling her. "You're- Oh!"

"Yeah," Graham murmurs, rubbing the back of his head with his free hand. "I don't make a habit of telling people, mind, so don't go blurting this out to any old body." He finishes with a point in her direction. "Although, I 'spose that doesn't matter 'cos I'm stood here wearing the flag in the first place."

"I wouldn't tell anyone, Graham," Yaz reassures. "You can trust me on that."

"Good, then," Graham replies awkwardly. He picks at the corner on the flag.

"Are you planning on wearing that when you meet up with Ryan and the Doctor?"

"Dunno," Graham mutters, turning away and heading towards a greener area. Yaz follows after him. "Technically if I bump into them now, they'll ask, I guess," He points out. "I expect Ryan will have a bucket load of questions to ask though, stuff I don't necessarily want to answer, but probably will have to if I continue to wear it."

"You don't have to answer anything you don't want to answer, Graham."

Graham glances towards Yaz as he takes a seat on a bench. "I know that," He snorts. "Been doing it all my life, cockle."

Yaz takes the seat next to Graham and tilts her head to the side. "What do you mean?"

"It's not a happy story," Graham explains with a sigh. "And this is a happy day; you probably don't wanna hear an old codger complain about things from the past, do you?"

"Graham," Yaz stares at him with an earnest expression. "Don't be daft, you're my mate, mates tell each other things."

"Still-"

"Unless you don't want to talk about it," Yaz reassures. "I'm not pushing you."

"All right," Graham says. "It might be good to talk about things."

Yaz smiles towards him. "Is this your first pride?"

Graham leans back in his seat. "Yes and no," He says in a neutral voice. "The ones I went to I just looked in from the streets over, never dared to join in with them."

"How come?"

Graham exhales and looks towards Yaz. "Joining in with them would've been difficult for me," He looks outwards again and frowns at the people enjoying themselves. "It was a different time, Yaz; family brushed things under the rug 'cos choosing not to acknowledge it meant it didn't exist, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Never had the best relationship with my dad and don't get me wrong here 'cos compared to others I had it easier, thanks to my mother," Graham's brows crease together as he speaks. "At least he didn't throw me out on the street or anything, but that doesn't mean he didn't have an issue with it that he made loudly known."

"You mean-"

"The eighties, Yaz," Graham focuses on Yaz. "Cracking music, no-fault there, but a hell of a crappy time if you weren't following a set thing-" His eyes narrow. "-look, it was a rough time for a lot of people my age, from people being openly hostile, the panic when you have to run from people who hate what you are, then there were the later years, they were the worst."

"It was that bad, then?"

"You probably know what it's like now, not that I'd ever know what you or Ryan go through, but I know what it's like to be out, uh, in that respect," Graham's eyes turn downwards, hands steepling together in his lap. "I lost a lot of friends during the late eighties and nineties." He murmurs. "Good lads that I still remember to this day."

"I'm sorry, Graham."

"They would be my age right now," Graham presses on. "Could've had families, even grandkids, but they never got that chance."

Yaz nods before she shuffles closer and links an in Graham's, causing the man to look at her with a quirked eyebrow. "You're here, and you got us."

"One of the lucky ones I 'spose, you know, every time you got sick back then from a common cold you had to think whether that was it 'cos no one knew what it was," Graham sighs. "I wish we could do something about it, you know? But we can't."

"No," Yaz agrees, knowing precisely what the Doctor would say if either of them asked. "Hey-"

"What?"

Yaz smiles at Graham and nods towards the flag across his shoulders. "Do you think that flag is big enough for the pair of us?" Graham blinks in surprise at Yaz. "Come on, Graham, you telling me you never realised?"

"I mean," Graham starts while smirking slightly at her. "I wasn't ever gonna ask you, but I saw the way you looked at the Doc."

"That obvious?"

"Very much so," Graham retorts with a smile. "You're as subtle as a brick to the face, cockle."

Yaz's face flushes at that. "You think she knows?"

Graham shrugs as he takes the flag off his shoulders, he hands it over to Yaz. "I think she's daft if she didn't," He states. "Come on," He gets up. "We should probably go and find them."

Yaz nods and gets up as well. "You won't tell her, will you?"

Graham shakes his head. "Of course not," He smiles. "Your secret is safe with me."

"Thanks, Graham."

"It's the decent thing."

Yaz looks down at the fabric in her hands. "I was serious when I said about sharing it."

"I know."

"Did you want to?"

Graham's mouth opens before shutting when his eyes flick behind Yaz. "Nice hat, Doc."

Yaz turns and stares at her. "Ryan gave it to me, Graham," The Doctor informs him. "Yaz found you then."

"Uh, yeah," Graham nods as he steps towards them. "I was just getting some food."

"Unsurprising," Ryan rolls his eyes as he looks at Yaz. He spots the flag in her hands. "Where did you get that from? You didn't get it from the woman handing them out."

Yaz looks at the fabric. "I-" She stumbles as she tries to think up a lie.

"I should probably say," Graham saves her as he drags Ryan's and the Doctor's attention to him. "It's not hers; I was wearing it."

Ryan's eyebrow quirks before he laughs, cutting Graham's sentence off completely. "Oh, Graham, that's the bisexual flag, what the hell did you have that for?" He takes it from Yaz. "You would've been sending the wrong message to people."

Yaz shares a look with Graham, and she spots the hesitation on his face in an instant. "Yeah, Yaz explained it to me," He says quickly. "Stupid, should've thought about it-" Yaz locks her eyes on Graham and notices he's avoiding her altogether. "-didn't realise."

"Surprised you didn't get someone coming onto you-" Ryan snarks at him. "-you'd have looked so puzzled if a bloke was 'cos you standing here telling everyone you're bisexual when you're not," He laughs and places it around his shoulders. "You should've asked, gramps."

"Ryan," Yaz stares at him. "You don't have to-"

"Yeah, I realised that now," Graham interrupts her. "Don't have to make me feel like a prat about it," He snaps, causing both the Doctor and Ryan to stare at him. "I'm going back to the TARDIS, enjoy yourself."

Ryan stares after him. "I was only messing around," He yells before scowling at Graham's back. "What's his bloody problem?" He turns back around to face Yaz. "God forbid someone thought he was bisexual for all of five minutes, I didn't think he had an issue with this at all considering his attitude with Jake and Adam-"

"Ryan, stop, for god sake, just stop because you don't know anything," Yaz snaps at him before she pushes past him. "You carry on wearing the damn thing."

"What's your bloody problem now?" He shouts after her. "I was only messing-"

She doesn't stop and listen to Ryan's fading voice as she stomps after Graham. She catches the door to the TARDIS shutting and quickly jogs to stop it. "Graham, wait-" The older man stops and faces her. "Ryan didn't know, Graham, he's just going on what he thinks he knows, but you don't have to bury it."

"That's easy for you to say," Graham retorts as he spins to face her. "I don't tell people because it's safer that way!" Yaz stops and blinks in surprise. "When people found out I would always get sacked from a job causing my dad to yell at me or-" He trails off. "-it doesn't bloody matter."

"Or what, Graham?"

Graham focuses on the TARDIS console. "The quickest way to stop them from kicking the crap out of you was to tell them you had AIDS; it stopped it in an instant," He walks towards the console and fiddles with a switch. "I went for a test when I was a lad, someone I met a few months prior got it, and I wasn't feeling very well at the time," He stares at nothing. "My mum came with me, dad didn't want to come with his gay son, course I'm not gay, but to him I was one of those queers, at least mum was there for me."

Yaz truthfully doesn't know what to say. 

What can she say?

"I shouldn't have dropped that on you," Graham sighs as he presses a hand against his eyes. "That was too much of my crap-" He pulls his hand away and looks towards her. "-I'm sorry."

"It's fine-"

"It's not," Graham exhales with frustration. "I snapped at Ryan on a day that started out fine because I can't just tell him, why I thought I could handle dealing with it-"

"You did deal with it though, Graham," Yaz decides her plan of action. "You were very brave for even going, let alone making an effort to get a flag," She steps closer but continues to keeps her distance. "Ryan's comments were based on him thinking you in one way because he doesn't know."

Graham looks ashamed. "I need to say sorry to him as well," His eyes close and he settles himself back against the console. "And the Doc, all of you."

"No, you don't," Yaz sits next to him. "None of us will think of you badly," Graham only grunts in response. "I can speak to them if you want, I won't tell them, but I can mention something, whatever you want."

"Nah, uh, thanks though," Graham says. "I need to tell Ryan."

"When?" Graham pushes himself from the console and begins heading back towards the doors. "Graham-"

"I'm doing it now," Graham calls out over his shoulder. "Cos if I don't then I never will-"

Yaz charges after him as he makes his way back through the crowd and back towards where they last saw the Doctor and Ryan. Luckily they're still there, only Ryan is sat on the bench looking upset, and the Doctor is shuffling on her feet.

"Ryan," Graham calls out making the lad look up at him. "I need to tell you something-"

"Are you going to snap at me again?"

Graham grimaces just as Yaz joins them. "No, sorry about that-" He sighs. "-this is going to be hard for me to say, so just let me speak, please?"

Ryan's scowl drops for a second from his face. "Fine, say whatever it is you have to say."

Graham takes in a deep breath to try and settle his raging nerves. "I had the flag for a reason," He begins to say, eyes flicking between Ryan and the Doctor. "I knew what it was."

"So, why were you wearing it then if you knew what it was?" Ryan asks in a baffled tone.

"Yeah, well, um," Graham taps his legs as he rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet. "Not, uh, straight," Ryan blinks. "Never have been, knew what the flag was, picked it and wore it, couldn't tell you though, I mean, like before and all, too many questions when I didn't need to answer them."

Ryan takes a moment to absorb the information. "Did you know Yaz?"

"Only when I found him," Yaz clarifies. "I asked him about the flag, and that was when he said he knew what it was."

"Why didn't you fly off at Yaz, then?" Ryan frowns at Graham. "Why did you snap at me?"

"That's a long story, son, and I'm sorry for doing that," Graham looks down at the floor. "But I, well, I still have a lot of issues regarding it, things I need to unlearn and deal with, it's not as simple for me as it is for others-"

"Why not?"

Graham groans. "I don't really want to say."

"Please," Ryan stares at his grandad. "I ain't gonna judge you or nothing, neither would the Doctor-" Her eyes widen when attention is suddenly brought to her. She was quite content for the world to swallow her up. "-you can tell us."

"I let Yaz know a bit, but the long and the short of it is-" Graham exhales. "-the eighties sucked, and I hated them, but I got very good at running away from people who didn't like the choices I made in regards to dating."

"What does that mean?"

"Do I really have to say?" Graham questions back. "It isn't nice."

"Graham-" The Doctor voices. "I think I can tell-"

Graham flicks his eyes to the Doctor. "Yeah," He looks towards Ryan again. "I was- Look, I-"

"Graham, you really don't have to say-" Yaz walks forward.

"Nah, I should," Graham decides. "I was beat up," He murmurs. "People hated us back then, police arrested us, no offence, Yaz-"

"None taken."

"They didn't do anything when we got hurt or sacked," Graham presses on. "So, when my friends were dying around me, I had to push what I was feeling or wanted down to keep myself safe from every angle, that's why I couldn't just tell you or Grace, because telling people got me hurt," Ryan stares at Graham, and then he moves forward and grabs him into a big hug. "Oh."

"Sorry for assuming earlier then," Ryan apologises. "Wasn't a clever thing to say."

"You didn't know."

"Still," Ryan lets him go. "Shouldn't have assumed," He turns away and picks the discarded flag up from the bench. "Did you want this back?"

Graham stares at it for a moment before reaching out and taking it from his grandson. He wraps it around his shoulders again and exhales. "Does anyone else have questions?"

"Lots," The Doctor briefly smiles his way. "You're a brave man, Graham."

"Nah, if I was brave, I would've told you three already."

"No," The Doctor shakes her head. "You lived through an awful time in your history, be proud that you overcame bigotry."

"Still, we're not all the way there, are we, though?" Graham counters. "Ryan and Yaz, they get enough crap, it's the same issues just disguised under a different banner."

"The human race gets there in the end-"

"But that prick Krasko-"

The Doctor glances to Ryan. "A very small number," She reassures. "He's rare in the future."

Ryan nods at that. "Maybe you can take us there?"

The Doctor smiles. "Sure, but first-" She points towards a food stand. "-I would like to get some candyfloss."

"Oh, that's the last thing we need, the Doctor on a sugar high," Graham snarks under his breath. "But sure, why not, I could go for some as well, Doc."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thatcher was a bitch and the tories can bugger off with the section 28 law in 1988 (it was an anti-lgbt+ law in Britain that was repealed in the early 00s)
> 
> i mention it because i have to consider the time period that graham grew up in and everything that would've happened during that time to make it realistic for how he acts now


	8. Isolation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILERS FROM THE DOCTOR WHO PANEL

The tallies litter the wall, numerous, ever-expanding... never-ending. Her hair clings to her head, burgundy jumpsuit hanging from her limbs.

She adds another line to the wall and steps back.

And only wishes she didn't.

She's stopped asking now. 

They never answered when she did in the first place.

Not even when they dropped off the slop that they call food.

She pads over to the rackety and hard bed.

Her legs dangle from it while she sits on her hands, trying to get warmth back into them and only just managing it.

She could stare up at the ceiling today.

Or she could go and talk to the wall, pretend that the scribbles representing her friends are them.

Yeah, that sounds good.

She pulls herself from the bed and heads over to her corner of friends.

A smile ghosts her face. "Hi fam," Her weakened hand reaches out to them. "I hope you're well-"

Her eyes close, imagining them.

What they would say.

Ryan would shrug.  
Yaz would smile because talking and finding the words is difficult.  
Graham would chatter on, telling her about Fabe and Greddie, or was it, Gabe and Freddie?

Oh, she should've listened to him.

She sighs and looks into her lap.

"I miss you three,"

Her hand touches dust on the floor.

"I hope you're doing fine without me,"

Her eyes flick to the scribbled figure of Yaz.

And she knows she wouldn't be doing well.

Graham and Ryan have each other, of course, they'll be just as affected, but they know loss, and it's hit them recently.

But Yaz hasn't lost like they have, or at least she doesn't think she has.

Yaz doesn't speak about her feelings like Graham does; she keeps it close to her heart and only lets it out when she feels safe to.

Sorta like her sat in this cell.

"Yaz, please," Her eyes look up, vibrant hazel-green, now muted and grey. "Don't wait for me."

She turns to Graham and Ryan next. "Keep her safe, invite her round, be there for her when I can't." She begs of them.

"I'm sorry,"

She pushes herself to her feet and drags them over to the small window.

Her eyes lock against the stars she named because she doesn't know them.

After her friends.

There's Donna.

And Martha.

Captain Jack is the one always winking.

She smiles at that.

And finally, her eyes linger against the three close together.

Realistically they're light years apart from one another, but from this distance, they look like a family.

Her eyes close again as her mouth moves.

It might just be an Earth balled, but she likes it all the same.

"Look at the stars," She whispers-sings to herself.

Her eyes open. "Look how they shine for you."

Are there tears on her face as she sings?

She sighs, head lowering and bodied bathed in the light from the bars and distant stars.

"I miss you,"

"I miss every single one of you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, sorry it's so short but I've had a pretty busy day today.


	9. Presumed Dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: violence, blood
> 
> This is an alt prompt. The 9th was meant to be one of these "Take Me Instead" | "Run!” | Ritual Sacrifice and I picked 'Presumed dead' from the alt list instead.
> 
> There is a reference to the Doctor Who book 'The Good Doctor' so, uh, spoilers for that book. Sorta.
> 
> I'll get into that in the end notes.

"Keep moving," 

Ryan's hands clench in the steel cuffs when he feels the baton shove him forward again. He stumbles and is prepared to hit the floor only for Graham to reach out and catch him before he does.

"Got ya, mate," Graham reassures. "Always will."

"Thanks."

"No problem, now get in front of me, son," Graham whispers as he helps Ryan back to his feet again. "I'll stay in the back."

"But-"

"Just do it," Graham pushes Ryan forward and takes the rear. At least the officer at the front had to turn around to prod him with the baton. And that seemed like too much hassle after the first four times.

_Unlike the eager bastard behind him._

"You two are useless," The officer behind Graham spits. "What does your 'Doctor', if that's even her name considering no woman can ever be a doctor, see in you two?" He snorts with amusement. "A sinning old man and an idiot boy who can hardly put one foot in front of the other without falling on his face."

"Maybe if you stopped shoving him he'd be able to walk without endangering himself," Graham mutters under his breath. He yelps when he feels himself grabbed and shoved against the miserable grey wall.

"What did you say?" The officer barks at Graham, spittle splattering across his face along with the rancid breath. "Answer!"

"I just said that if you stopped shoving him, then he'll be able to-" Graham grunts and sucks in a sharp breath. He groans. "-stop tripping over."

"Grandad!" Ryan doubles back when he spots Graham doubled over from the swift punch to his midsection. "You don't have to hit him! We're going wherever you're leading us!"

"It's fine," Graham wheezes as he stands up to his full height. He wipes at his face with his sleeve. "It's fine, Ryan, just keep walking, all right? I'll be fine, don't worry."

Ryan's eyes flick between Graham and the guard, and he reluctantly nods.

Graham exhales through the lingering pain in his torso. He doesn't have much time to recover before finding himself shoved forward again. Well, that's going to be a bruise. He spots Rayn glancing back in concern, and he offers him a weak smile.

"Get a move on!"

The baton hits his back in the same manner that it did for Ryan, and Graham bites back on the snappy reply. He's shoved through the church with Ryan just ahead of him. At least he's not getting jabbed now, that's the only thought running through Graham's head for the time being.

'Cos the Doc and Yaz and Jack, they'll get them out of this, they always do, so he's not too worried on that front.

_He's just worried about his grandson._

"Where are you taking us?" Graham asks as calmly as he can considering the welt the officer behind him is so eager to inflict is getting bigger. He doesn't want to push his luck. "Just so we know-"

"You don't get to know anything," The officer snaps. "That's between us and the Lord here-" His hand holding the baton gestures to a stain glass window, and Graham feels the sudden dread of deja-vu on him. "-you and your friends are heretics."

"Oh, mate, I've done this song and dance before-" Graham glances around to the officer. "-we aren't heretics, promise you that, so there's no need to treat us like them."

"You and that other one, you were caught-"

"We were doing nothing," Graham frowns at him in worry. "Other than holding hands, unless that's a crime-"

"Between two men it is," The officer spits out like it's a dirty sentence. "Mark my words, once we capture the other heretics you'll live to regret what you did once you've been judged and your fate decided."

Graham stares ahead again and rolls his eyes at Ryan, smiling slightly to try and reassure the lad that he's not scared.

Only he is because this is real, and he's lived it before, and back then it was just as terrifying.

_His heart thumps in his chest while a man lingers near him with a pointed steel stick. Arms and legs tied to a chair, the leather ripping into his wrists as he struggles to free himself for twelve hours. Then pulled from that chair by his red-raw wrists, forced to watch the Doc fight for her life, kidnapped and used as a shield by a madman with a fixation for his face-_

No.

No, this isn't that, for one thing, the Doc isn't locked underground, Yaz is very much alive and isn't presumed dead, Ryan is in front of him, safe and sound for the most part, and they have Jack. A bonus member and something they didn't have before.

They'll get them out of this.

They have to.

"Get in there," Graham finds himself shoved into a room with Ryan. He looks around the room, smells the scent of it, tastes it in the air.

And it's one of his worst fears is revisited again.

"Don't do this," Graham turns and faces the man standing behind him. "Look, I didn't know, I'm from Britain, you know Britain, yeah? Well, in Britain we hold hands, it's silly I know, but we do," Ryan snaps his head to Graham. "It was all a misunderstanding-"

"Heretics," The officer snarls at Graham. "All of you, that island is a stain on the world-"

"What's going to happen?" Ryan asks the man in question. "Why have you brought us here?"

"You must repent your sins-"

Ryan looks at the stone chair in the centre of the room and then back to Graham. He spots the ashen look on the older man's face. "What are you going to do to us?"

"You," The man looks down his nose at Ryan, which is impressive considering the height advantage Ryan has. "Will watch, you're guilty by association."

"Watch what?"

"He has to repent," The man states as he nods for the other, silent officer, to grab Graham and push him into the chair. "Strap him to the chair; I'll get the boy chained to the wall-"

Graham wriggles, making it as difficult as possible, but failing anyway because his panic is gripping at his chest. "Don't hurt him!" He yells, twisting in his seat to stare at Ryan being shackled against the right-hand wall. "He hasn't done anything; he's innocent, we both are innocent-"

"I tire of his voice," The man states. "Gag him."

Graham eyes the guard above him, yelping when he finds his head pulled roughly to the side. He wriggles in his seat, breath coming fast and voice turning muffled when he feels a cloth tighten around his mouth.

"Grandad," Ryan pulls st the shackles. "Stop, he hasn't done anything! We're both telling the truth."

"A man should never lie with another man-"

"And he hasn't," Ryan snaps. "All he did was hold his hand, you have no proof other than that, but I'm telling you right now, he didn't do anything," He lies. "We didn't know-"

"You would say that," The man spits back at Ryan before he turns and faces the other guard. "I'll send for Vidal, get started-"

Ryan stares after the man, blinking involuntarily when the door slams shut signifying his exit. The muffled voice of his grandad calls his attention back. He can't make out what the man is saying, but he can see what he's indicating.

_'Close your eyes.'_

Simple.

If only he could do it when the first punch struck.

* * *

"Please tell me you have their damn signal, Doctor," Jack barks at her. "Because if you haven't, if their-"

"I have it," The Doctor retorts with anger in her eyes and voice. "They were snatched in the square, but I have managed to-"

"Get to the damn point, Doctor, time is on the line here."

The Doctor blinks at that, surprised at the tone of Jack's usual joyful voice. "Follow me then."

"Great," Jack pushes himself from the TARDIS console and strides to the doors. "Yaz stay here-"

"What?" Yaz storms after him. "You can't order me to stay here, not when that's my family that has been taken."

The Doctor pushes past the pair of them. "Jack, you said it yourself, time is ticking," She raises her sonic in the air and picks the direction that it pings in. "So, let's get a shift on, shall we?"

* * *

They've been gone for twenty or so minutes now if Ryan had to guess.

_And Graham hasn't moved since._

"Grandad," Ryan tries once more. He pulls against his bindings again, wincing at the sharp pain in his wrists. "Bloody respond will you!" He all but shouts at the doubled over man.

He leans around the side to try and get a proper look at Graham's chest, anything to see if it's raising and falling. "Come on-" He pleads, begging before swearing and thrashing against the chains when he can't see from the angle he's at.

"If you're dead-"

His eyes lock on Graham, straying to each patch of oozing blood. He's bleeding, that means he's alive, right?

_Or not, he's not bleeding much, what did his nan say to do when you find someone hurt-_

But then again, he might not be bleeding because, from this angle, it's hard to tell.

"Grandad, answer me!" Ryan shouts again. He pulls at the shackles, disregarding the stabbing pains as he panics.

If he's alive and he's dying then- then he would've been in the same room being useless.

And that can't do.

"Graham," Ryan snaps. "Please, just answer or something, do anything, please, because I can't lose you-"

There's a loud bang, followed by another, and a few more after that.

Ryan's head snaps to the door, widening when the sound he heard registers in his head.

_A gunshot._

Did they have guns in the 16th century? He vaguely recalls that maybe they did, something from one of the history shows Graham loves could've brought it up.

But that gunshot, that wasn't a musket or anything else, it's a lot more recent due to the rate in which it fired.

_Which means-_

"Jack," Ryan screams. "We're in here!"

There's an instant commotion at the door, and Ryan shuts his eyes when light filters in after the three bodies. "Ryan-"

"Yeah, not me, get Graham now!" Ryan demands with urgency. "They've-" He chokes on the sentence, images of the pain inflicted flash through his mind. "-he's not moved since." He decides to settle on.

The Doctor, Yaz, and Jack snap their heads to Graham and rush forward. Jack gets there first and rips the squalid cloth from his mouth as he angles his head up for access to his pulse.

"Jack-"

Jack keeps his gaze locked on Graham's bloodied face and exhales with instant relief when he feels a pulse. "He's alive."

The moment the word leaves Jack's throat, Ryan cries, slumping down and letting his arms hang above him. Anything that kept him standing leaves his body the moment he hears those two words.

_He's alive._

"Let's get them out of here," The Doctor say aloud. "And Jack," She looks down at the immortal man currently avoiding her gaze. _"Never do that again."_

* * *

"You should be in bed," Jack announces from the medical bay door.

Ryan doesn't look at Jack as he replies. "I need to know he's alive."

"I understand," Jack walks into the room, and he takes in Graham's appearance. "Why did they do it? You weren't doing anything; they had no reason to snatch you."

"Doesn't matter," 

"Ryan."

"They saw you and him holding hands, put one and two together and decided Graham needed to be punished," He reveals. "I lied to them, said you weren't together and that it was a mistake, but they never listened to me."

"I shouldn't have let you two out of my sight," Jack replies. "And I won't let it happen again, I promise you, Ryan."

"You can't babysit us all the time, Jack," Ryan mumbles. 

"Watch me."

Ryan looks across Graham's wounds, now bandaged and healing thankfully. "Thank you, by the way, never did say it."

"For what?"

Ryan finally takes his eyes from Graham's unconscious but sleeping soundly form. "For taking care of things," Jack's eyes narrow. "I mean it," He presses on. "They deserved it," He looks back at Graham again. "I understand gramps now; I know why he was so hell-bent on killing Tzim-Shaw, would've blamed him if he did it at the time, but now, not so much 'cos I understand, Jack, I understand that sometimes, the easiest way to solve the problem is to end the problem as it starts."

Jack walks forward and lays a hand against Ryan's shoulder, squeezing it once. "I'd do it again," He admits. "For you, for him," He stares at Graham. "You're both my family now."

"But what about the Doctor?" Ryan questions. "I heard her voice from here-"

Jack snorts behind Ryan. "Leave the Doctor to me," He says as he removes his hand. 

"But-"

"Nothing," Jack interjects. "Because seeing that Graham is currently resting and recovering from his ordeal, it looks like it falls to me to be the guardian around here-"

"Jack, you're not-"

"Nope, but I won't have Graham bitching my ear off when he wakes up knowing that I didn't make you get back into your bed, so-" Jack gently lifts Ryan from his seat. "Get back into bed."

"You're a pain in my ass-"

"No," Jack smiles slyly at Ryan. "I'm a pain in Graham's ass-"

Ryan's face takes on instant horror. "That's gross, oh my god-"

"Rest," Jack leads Ryan to his bed. "Or I'll tell you more stories about-"

"You wouldn't-"

Jack stares at Ryan.

"-You would."

"Yes, I would, now," Jack gestures towards Ryan's bed in the medbay. "Are you going to rest?"

"Only if you stop being a jackass-"

Jack laughs. "It's in the name."

"Spose it is," Ryan sighs. "Thanks, Jack."

"No problem."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, it's probably well known that I both like and dislike the book 'The Good Doctor'
> 
> Well, I mention it again because Graham's Trauma Was Never Brought Up Again and he would be after being canonically tied to a chair for like twelve hours, dragged around by his wrists...


	10. Nightmares | Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another alt prompt, this one being Nightmares and Comfort.
> 
> A follow up from the previous chapter.

The room is dark, and waves are crashing against rocks outside, the sound is being carried up and through the small window—the smell of salt and rust mix together into an unpleasant stench, one that would make Graham gag if it wasn't for the cloth tied around his mouth.

His eyes flick over the room, chest heaving with immediate panicked breaths while arms thrash in the leather straps. He's had this before, too many times now. It's either this or the one with Grace. He's not sure which one he prefers.

He calls out, but his voice is muffled through the rancid cloth. It tastes like the room smells.

There's only one thought running through Graham's head, and it's-

_ 'Not again.' _

He pulls at the straps, his wrists becoming raw, legs kicking as much as they can. If he can break them, then maybe- maybe he could escape, and then this won't happen again.

Graham increases his struggles, biting down hard on the cloth when the raw skin splits open on his wrists. He continues even when the door inches open, revealing two people that he knows.

_ But that's impossible. _

One took his own life when his religion was proven a farce by the Doctor.

The second one, well, Jack killed him himself.

"You will answer my questions," Mykados snarls, his gnarled and boney hand coming forth and grabbing Graham's face, pinning his head back against the granite throne and dragging his attention to the matter in hand. "How have you stolen the Good Doctor's appearance?"

Graham stares at the bald man, and he tries to speak, struggling over the cloth in his mouth.

"A pity," Mykados turns to his companion.

A man dressed in red. He steps forward and narrows his eyes at Graham. "He's a heretic and a liar."

And that's impossible as well, the inquisition and Mykados' wacky religion couldn't exist together, so why-

Graham jumps out of his skin when a hand appears on his shoulder. He tries to pull away, yelling out through the cloth when the hand begins dragging him somewhere.

"Graham-"

"I don't know-"

"Graham, wake up, you're having a nightmare-"

Graham's eyes snap open, and he scrambles away from the hand. "Don't touch me," He snaps in terror. "I don't know anything-"

"You're okay-" Graham blinks and looks around the darkened room. He can make out the chair in the corner and the dresser to his right. "-breathe, all right?" Graham follows that instruction because the voice who gave it is calming. "Can I touch you now?"

Graham nods, flinching slightly from the touch against his shoulder.

"I won't hurt you."

"I know," Graham murmurs as he looks up and into the eyes of Jack. "What happened?" He questions confusedly.

"You had a nightmare," Jack states in a resigned tone. "And it seemed a pretty rough one."

Graham stares ahead. "Nah, haven't had a nightmare since I was a lad, Jack, doubt it was that-"

"Graham," Jack reaches behind him and turns on the bedside light. He winces from the light. "You're still recovering-"

"I'm fine," Graham lies instantly. He doesn't get nightmares, and that's that on that. "The Doc gave me the go-ahead to leave the medical bay which was a godsend 'cos I missed my own bed and you," He rambles away because that's easier than facing the obvious. "And don't worry, Jack, the Doc will get over it soon enough, you'll be allowed back onto the TARDIS in no time at all."

"Stop, Graham," Jack interrupts. "I know a nightmare when I see one, and that looks like it has happened before."

"Nah," Graham shakes his head. He turns and swings his legs from the bed. "I don't get nightmares-"

"I wasn't born yesterday, Graham," Jack follows him across the bed, but he keeps his hands at a distance. "I've worked, lived, loved so many people to know when they have nightmares, and that's what you're going through now, so let me help-"

"I'm fine, Jack-"

"You're not fine, Graham, so don't lie to me."

"Fine," Graham sighs wearily. "At least it was them two and not Grace and the big C word this time."

"Grace and the what?"

"Cancer, Jack," Graham rubs his hands across his tired eyes. "Okay, maybe I do have a problem, but I thought I'd be over it by now."

"Graham," Jack scoots himself over to Graham's side of the bed, and he joins him in sitting down. "You don't just get over nightmares like these."

"How do you know how bad they are?"

"You woke me up, remember?" Jack glances at him. "I heard you mumbling in your sleep, then looked at your face and you were distressed, had to wake you up."

"Thanks, I guess," Graham looks down and stares at his hands in his lap. "I only ever really get one in the night and it doesn't happen every night."

"Is there anything that you think brings them on?"

Graham shrugs. "Not a scooby, love," He looks at Jack. "Talking could help, I spose, but I think it's just gonna be something that I'll have to deal with-"

"Nope, you're wrong there."

"What do you mean?"

"We'll have to deal with it," Jack corrects him with a smile. "I'll wake you up, gently, then-" He leans in. "-I'll spoon you."

"You spoon me anyway."

"I'll do it harder then, oh-" Jack's brows furrow. "-that came out wrong."

"In regards to you, Jack, that might've not come out wrong at all," Graham rolls his eyes.

"Perhaps," Jack gives him a coy look before he leans forward and kisses him on the cheek. "Right, get back in bed, we have a day of doing nothing tomorrow-"

Graham watches as Jack climbs back over to his side of the bed before following him. He settles himself down and sighs contently when Jack hugs him from behind. "I was being honest when I said the Doc will get over it."

"Just leave the Doctor to me, Graham," Jack replies in a low whisper. "Just worry about yourself for once."

"Or what?" Graham smirks.

"I'll end up worrying for you," Jack whines from behind him. "And then I'll get grey hair, and we'll both be silver foxes-"

Graham snorts in amusement at Jack's antics. He takes Jack's hand in his and hugs it close to his chest. "Night, Jack."

"Night, Graham," Jack replies as he settles himself closer to Graham. "I'll be here with you; you're always safe with me."


	11. Defiance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was actually a follow on from 'pick who dies' and i took it down and edited it, having a bit of a day if I'm honest so sorry if you have read this work of mine before, but i know most probably haven't

"I told you not to come after me," The Doctor snaps in anger. "I told all of you, said it would be dangerous, but you came back anyway."

"And with damn good reason," Graham snaps back while handing Ryan's weight over to Yaz and Jack to support. He makes sure they have it before storming over to the Doctor, a fit of rare anger on his face. "But I bloody well don't care Doc, if we didn't come along, then you would be dead and gone." He argues, gesturing at her. "We were worried, you had no right to order us around while you throw your life away trying to fix something that couldn't be fixed."

The Doctor snaps her head to him, face dark. "That's the thing, Graham; I have the chance to come back, you Humans, you don't," She paces around the console, hitting levers and dials as she goes. "You lot, you die so easily, one misstep and a fall could kill you." She stares back at all of them, her eyes lingering on Ryan's limp ankle. Thankfully not broken, just sprained. "You're so...  _ fragile _ ."

"But Graham has a point-" Jack begins before shutting up when she locks her gaze on him.

Graham raises his head, eyes narrowed and annoyed. "We ain't fragile, Doc, cause yeah we might get hurt or whatever but don't think for a damn second that we're fragile, we're a lot stronger than what you give us credit for."

"You could've died!" The Doctor throws back at Graham with worry lacing her voice. "I could have lost all of you, Jack is different he comes back, but you three don't, you never do!" She adds, voice lowering towards the end. "I can't lose again, I- I can't lose people I care about."

Yaz hands Ryan off to Jack. Her eyes flick between the Doctor and Graham. It's tense, and she's never seen Graham this angry before.

"We're a Fam though, ain't we?" Graham replies to her, arms crossed against his chest. "How can you expect us to let you go out and sacrifice yourself? You make us sit on our hands."

"Ryan wouldn't have gotten hurt if you followed my orders," The Doctor fires back at him. "You would've been safer in the TARDIS if you-"

"Just listened, I got that the first time you said it," Graham interjects, frustrated. "You're our mate, Doc, but you ain't our parent, and you can't treat us like misbehaving children needing to be sent to our rooms when you're out there, in danger and risking everything on a whim."

"To me, Graham, you are children." The Doctor hurls back while leaning heavily down on the console, eyes ancient. "You lot live rapid lives with a need to achieve, but compared to me… you're just fleeting and transient."

Graham's eyes turn cold, and he takes a step towards her. "And I've already watched one woman I care about die; I wasn't about to let another possibly die alone. Not when the daft woman needed us, needed her Fam to help get her ass out of there when we realised that it was too late to fix what happened."

The Doctor looks back up at Graham, reading his worries correctly for the first time since the facility went into meltdown but she persists, she has to make him understand regardless of what he thinks of her. "I'm sorry Graham, but I've lost so many, and I have a duty of care to all of you when you're with me." She stares into his very soul, ancient eyes staring into his blue. He turns his eyes away first. "And I failed again today, got Ryan hurt and put you all in danger."

Graham looks back at Ryan. "Are you saying that I haven't lost, Doc? That you have authority over me because you've lost more than I have?"

"No, that's not what I'm say-"

"Well it bloody sounded like it," Graham throws out, interrupting her as his frustration bleeds into anger. He turns away from her, hands clenching at his side. "I've lost a lot as well, Doc, I didn't want to lose you as well today, didn't want to add you to that list."

The Doctor doesn't respond, eyes locked onto the console. Graham breathes out, but the frustration is evident on his body and face. "Fair enough, then, Doc." He turns away, heading back over to Ryan, Jack, and Yaz. He takes half of Ryan's weight from Jack. "I'm taking Ryan to the medical bay, gonna strap his ankle and find some pain relief." He says more to Yaz, facing her and avoiding the Doctor.

Ryan gives Graham a side-eye, the pain in his ankle, forgotten and unimportant compared to the tight look on his granddad's face. He flicks his eyes to the Doctor, finding her turned away now. "You coming as well, Yaz?"

Yaz looks back at Ryan and gives a slight shake of the head that Ryan picks up on, he returns the gesture and proceeds to allow Graham and Jack to help him from the console room. She watches them go, sighing and then training her eyes on the Doctor's face, noting the change to her eyes. "How old are you exactly, Doctor? You said you were old before, back during-" Yaz trails off, unsure, that time with the Master was tricky at best.

The Doctor presses more of her weight against the console, body sagging into it. "I lost count." She takes in a deep breath. "The last check was over two-thousand, or four-billion if you want to truly count it-"

"Four billion?" Yaz repeats, eyes wide and surprised.

The Doctor waves a hand through the air. "Semantics, really." She leans away from the console. "But I'm very old, Yaz."

"And you've lost a lot."

The Doctor shrugs, eventually turning to look at Yaz, eyes heavy. "I never meant to insinuate that my loss was greater than Graham's; I just needed him to understand why I did what I did."

"I think you need to tell him that, but maybe when he's cooled off," Yaz responds with a small smile, breaking the tension marginally. "He was worried about Ryan and you." Yaz takes a step towards the Doctor. "We all were, and he's right. We're in this together, Doctor, you can't just order us away and expect us to let you die without trying to save you."

The Doctor stares into the console and leaves a pause in the air. "He was wrong about one thing, Yaz."

"What?" Yaz furrows her brows at the Doctor. "What was he wrong about?"

The Doctor sighs. "About how strong I think you are." She watches as Yaz inclines her head to the side. "You're stronger than I am; humans always have been. You lot wear your hearts on your sleeves, and the majority of you aren't bad, there are a few corrupt ones, but every species has them, mine especially."

"But you're strong Doctor; you save so many people."

The Doctor smiles sadly, eyes looking downcast. "Those two points don't always go hand in hand Yaz, I help out where and when I can because it's the right thing to do, but I'm not always strong." She looks up again. "That voice, all those weeks ago… I figured it out, the blend between them confusing on purpose, but I gave what they said some thought."

"What did you find?"

"My inner pain and my inner shame, it took a while but the trick, it stemmed from me, from my inner voices. Gone from the world but still within me, guiding and speaking in ways that only I hear."

Yaz takes another step forward, hand reaching out to the Doctor. "What do you mean?"

The Doctor raises her gaze again. "I've lived so many lives, been so many people. In all respects, my previous regeneration and who I am now, we shouldn't have existed, but my people gifted or cursed us with another cycle."

"You mentioned you were a white-haired Scotsman before, back on the train. I take that was true then?"

A smile ghosts the Doctor's face. "The Eyebrows." The Doctor turns and looks into the heart of the TARDIS. "He was so sure he wasn't going to regenerate, but he did, and he gave me a set of instructions that I tried to follow this time around. I even warned you lot, explained that you wouldn't come back the same. More than I ever did before, thought that it would be enough."

"You did Doctor, and we knew the dangers, we've experienced them, but you want to know what, Doctor?" Yaz waits and watches as the Doctor turns back to her, her face entirely focused on what she has to say. No pressure then, Yaz thinks quickly. "It makes it. Cause life back on Earth is just as dangerous, for me, for Ryan, and for Graham who's in remission, even Jack counts. But with you, when you show us the universe, we see more than we ever could back on Earth, dangers or not I wouldn't change that for anything."

"I would." The Doctor mumbles, exhausted. "But the universe will always be dangerous; she'll always have people who need help, who need someone to stand up for what's right." The Doctor looks towards the way that Graham, Jack, and Ryan went. "I should speak to Graham, explain what I said and that I didn't mean to compare what we lost."

"You should but another time, let him fuss over Ryan and annoy him like a mother hen, but he's reasonable, and he'll regret what he said to you as well." Yaz reaches forward and locks her hand into the Doctor's. "Ryan will probably give him a talking to, and if he doesn't, then Jack will for sure."

The Doctor nods, breathing out through her nose in one breath. "Graham once said that a cuppa makes everything better, could break the ice with him if I bought one along."

"And a pack of biscuits." Yaz smiles back at the Doctor. "You could get him a never-ending Thermos for tea, that'll make him happy."

The Doctor looks up at Yaz and smiles, genuinely. "Not sure about never-ending, but I could make it bigger on the inside for him." The Doctor suggested, amusement touching her face again. "We probably should head off from here."

"Back to Sheffield?"

The Doctor shakes her head. "How does a beach sound? Graham always complains that I take us to cold places more-so than warm, could buy him with that and tea."

Yaz smirks. "As a police officer, I should reprimand you for the use of bribing, but I'll let you off right now because a beach does sound nice," Yaz said, with mirth. "Just no death-eyed turtle army, or giant spiders, or killer robots."

"No promises," The Doctor flashes a smile back at her and turns to flick different switches, sending the TARDIS away and into relative safety for once.


	12. Memory Loss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: memory loss due to mindwipe
> 
> okay, so this was an unfinished story called lethe that always bugged me because i never completed it (and wasn't going to) due to writers block so here it is, edited massively and changed because i saw the alt prompt 'memory loss'
> 
> oh
> 
> it's also 14k+ long :)

There's softness, a quiet thrum, and gentle voices all around him. They are what stir him from slumber and back into the waking world. The second he opens his eyes, he closes them again, the light burns, so he groans instead, which draws the attention of the voices as they quieten down. Footsteps approach, three pairs he thinks. “Take it easy,” One voice says, feminine. "You've been asleep for a while."

"Too long," A male says. "Had us all worried there."

His eyes open, and he stares at what he thinks is the first voice. She has blond hair and old eyes. He looks to the others now, younger than her and worried. Why? He’s really not sure. 

“What happened?”

“We’re not sure; we were hoping you could tell us, you and Jack went off alone, and then we found you all by yourself with no trace of Jack at all.” The younger woman says, and he frowns at her. There is something familiar about her, well all of them, but he can’t place it. “Are you alright, Graham? You look a bit confused.”

“Graham?” He repeats, testing the name out like he’s never spoken it before. "Who's Graham?"

The younger man raises an eyebrow. “Did you take a knock to the head, gramps, or are you just going daft in your old age?” He says in a teasing tone, something that only confuses him more.

He turns to look at the younger man. “What did you call me?”

The smirk vanishes from the younger man’s face pretty quickly as he flicks his eyes to the older woman. “Doctor?”

“Doctor?” He murmurs, now sitting up and wincing as he looks around the strange room. “Am I in a hospital? Am I hurt?"

“Graham, can you look at me?”

He frowns again and follows her order. “You and her-” He gestures to the younger woman. “-you both called me that name, why?”

“Because it’s your name, Graham,” The younger woman says. “Graham O’Brien-”

“My name?” He asks, face twisting and eyes shutting when he tries to think. “I don’t-” He starts, eyes opening again when he realises he doesn’t actually remember a name at all. “Why don’t I remember?”

“Graham, focus and it’s important that you do,” The woman, doctor, or something says. “I need you to look at me and answer a quick question.”

“Doctor, what is happening?”

“Not now, Ryan,” The doctor woman says quickly, voice coming out slightly panicked. “Graham-”

“What?” He snaps. “You asked me to look at you, and I am doing it now.”

“How old are you?”

He scowls at her. “What sort of stupid question is that?”

“Just answer it for me.”

“I’m- I’m-” He starts, eyes looking away from her and into his lap as he tries to think. “I don’t know-” His voice tumbles out, words mixing together and breath coming in gasps. “How can I not know?” He tries to think of anything; they call him ‘Graham’ but the sound of it has no meaning to him, so he goes back to his age, and there is just nothing, birthday- empty, parents, everyone has parents, and yet, it’s just all blank- “I don’t remember anything.”

“Graham-”

“I don’t remember.” He utters, voice deathly quiet in the thrum of the room. "Why don't I remember?"

“Gramps?”

He looks to the young lad watching him, face concerned and scared and he doesn’t recognise him at all, maybe there’s something, but it’s transient and gone like breath on glass, but the lad, he knows him enough to call him ‘gramps’, and that means- Oh, he feels sick. There is a buzzing of something to his left, but he doesn’t turn to look at it. Just stares at the young man calling him grandad with dread.

“Doctor, is it a virus or something?” The younger woman asks. “Or was he drugged?” Her voice turns horrified at the prospect at that. “We did lose track of them before finding him unconscious in the alleyway.”

“No,” The older woman replies. “The TARDIS would’ve picked that up when we brought him in here, and my sonic would find traces of a drug within him if he were, no, it’s something else, something that I can’t pick up from the sonic alone.” She rambles further, and he listens, getting even more puzzled by the second.

"Do you think Jack has suffered the same thing?"

"I don't know, Yaz."

The lad, Ryan, looks up at the doctor woman. “Can you fix it, Doctor?”

“I don’t know what’s the matter yet,” She answers back, voice turning snippy. “I need to run tests, need to-”

“But you can fix it?”

“I don’t know!” The woman finally snaps. “I don’t know, Ryan! And I won't know without running tests first!”

He stares at them all, and he feels lost, a stranger in a room filled with them.

“Graham,” The woman says again, calmer this time around, and he’s getting tired of being called like he's a dog. “Can you recall anything?”

He narrows his eyes at her, head still aching and only increasing. “Like what?”

“Just anything, anything that might be useful,” She suggests. “No matter how small.”

“No,” He answers with honesty. “Nothing apart from what I’ve seen and heard since I woke up here, wherever here is,” His head tilts to the side. “You all call me Graham, but he calls me gramps, but I-”

“But you what?”

He looks at them all, mind trying to place faces and coming up blank. “-I don’t know you, I look at you, and maybe there’s something, just, something, but it's small and out of reach, and that’s it 'cos when I try to think I get nothing. I only know his name is Ryan ‘cause you said it,” He gestures to Ryan. “But you two, I know you’re a doctor of something, but I don’t know your name and you,” He points to the younger woman. “I haven’t the foggiest idea of who the hell you are.”

The moment the words leave his mouth he sees the hurt on their faces, and he didn’t mean to make his words sound so cutting, but she, the doctor woman, she asked him to recall, and he did. 

“I’m the Doctor,” The older woman introduces herself. “It’s just the Doctor,” She smiles and he knows it’s fake, something to reassure maybe. “That’s Ryan Sinclair, and that’s Yasmin Khan, Yaz to her friends, and you’re Graham O’Brien.” He looks to the younger people, and he sees the worry and fear again, hands balled into fists, or tapping a pattern against a leg. “We’re a family, your family.”

“Family,” He repeats, thinking that maybe if he says it, it might strike something within him, but it doesn’t. “You mentioned a Jack, who is he?”

That question causes them to almost flinch, and he has a horrible suspicion that whoever that is, they're important to him.

“Later,” The Doctor says, hand on his arm. “I need to run some tests on you, is that okay?”

Graham shrugs, now deciding to at least go with the name they’re calling him. “I don’t have much choice, I suppose.” The Doctor pats him once on the arm before turning away and heading over to a cabinet. He watches her for a moment only to pull his eyes away when the young woman, Yaz, speaks to him.

“I can show you some pictures of us together if you want? Show you that we know you and all.”

“Pictures?”

“Yeah, it’s a small-”

“I know what a picture is, Yasmin,” Graham interjects, snappish and brisk. “I mean-” He sighs when he notices her expression, that shock mixed together with hurt again. “I’m sorry, it was the right assumption, though, considering that I don’t know much about anything else.” He says, maybe trying to relieve some of the stress and missing the mark entirely judging by the unchanged look on her face.

“No, it’s fine, I shouldn’t have assumed that you wouldn’t know, and it wasn’t that, not really-” She says, tripping over her words slightly. “You just-”

“What?”

“You called me Yasmin, and you never called me that.”

Graham stares at her, swallowing thickly. “She said it was your name, though, I thought-” What did he think? He closes his eyes and exhales, steadying his breathing while his headache builds with the extra stress of everything. “I assume I called you Yaz, 'cos we're family or something, instead of Yasmin.”

“You did, but it’s fine-”

“It’s not though, is it?” Graham interrupts. “It’s really not fine, because you all know me and,” He trails off, finding it hard to put into words. "And I don't know you."

“The Doctor will fix this, gramps,” Ryan says with faith. “She always comes through for us, doesn’t she Yaz?”

“Yup,” Yaz agrees with all the enthusiasm of a lamb going to slaughter.

Graham can only nod back, trusting them at their word. “You said you had a picture that I could see-” He looks to the young woman. “Can I see it, it might help, you know?” He doesn't think it will, but maybe it would ease their nerves.

Yaz nods and pulls out her phone, unlocking it and opening the gallery before handing it over to Graham. He accepts the phone from her and starts to look through the photos. Ryan is there, smiling, next is the Doctor and Yaz, he carries on flicking through them, and he frowns, pausing on a group photo when it becomes frustrating.

It’s of the Doctor, Yaz, Ryan, and two men. One late fifties, possibly sixties maybe, grey hair and pale skin, the other younger, pale as well, and with dark brown hair. He purses his lips and stares at them.

"Which one am-" He begins, only to stop.

He catches Ryan and Yaz frowning when he exits from the gallery and opens the camera. If they asked him how he knew how to do that, he couldn’t explain, it was just- muscle memory he guesses; still, he switches the camera to front-facing, and his heart sinks like a lead balloon.

The man that stares back at him is the one in the photo, grey hair and blue eyes and smiling, not the dark brown-haired one. He feels sick and hot like someones wrapped him in one too many blankets, his chest rises and falls with each breath, rapid and short, not enough to relieve the lack of oxygen running through his body.

How could he forget what he looks like? He could buy the name, and everything maybe, but his face? And why didn’t it occur to him before he looked at the pictures?

“Gramps-”

“Don’t call me that!” Graham snaps quickly and with anger before swinging his legs from the bed, trying to stand, only to fall to the floor, knees slamming down against it. “I don’t know why you’re calling me that.”

“Graham!” The Doctor says quickly, and he feels a pair of hands on him that he shrugs off. “What happened?”

“I dunno,” Ryan answers back, too quickly and harsh. “He was fine, and then he looked at himself and-” The lad cuts himself off, voice finally breaking. "He snapped at me."

Graham pushes himself from the fall and sits back against a wall, hands gripping against his head tightly while his eyes search the floor for anything to focus on. He feels pressure on his knees, the ache from the floor surging slightly from it, but it’s enough to take his mind off the raging panic.

“You have to breath, Graham,” The Doctor says. “In and hold it, then release it and repeat.” She soothes, and he looks up and into her green eyes. “Do it with me if you need to, follow what I do, okay?”

Graham watches her, hands balling into fists, but he follows her lead and breathes. His face is wet-

“Ryan, Yaz, can you leave us for a while?”

“Doctor, I want to-”

“Ryan, please,” The Doctor says.

“Come on, Ryan,” Yaz speaks. “He’s in good hands-”

Graham doesn’t look at them when they turn to leave; he doesn’t look at the Doctor either when she settles down next to him. She doesn’t speak, allowing him to work himself back from the edge and into something controllable.

They sit in silence for minutes; the only sound around them is the deep breathing and the backing noises of the room he’s in. He exhales one more time before turning to face the Doctor, face still wet. “I forgot what I looked like," He murmurs. "I couldn't figure out which one I once and I looked into the camera, it was too much."

The Doctor face twitches slightly, but he can tell she’s controlled most of it, never letting her thoughts show. “I can imagine that that was quite shocking for you.”

Graham shrugs and pulls his knees to his chest, feeling rotten. “Shocking doesn’t cover it, Doctor.” He murmurs. “I- I-” He trails off and brings a hand to his eyes and then frowns. “I think I snapped at the lad, Ryan.”

“You did,”

“I should say sorry then,” Graham murmurs. “I didn’t mean to; it’s just-” He leans his head back against the wall. “-I don’t know any of you, I didn’t even know myself until I looked, and that’s terrifying, and he's there calling me gramps like I'm sposed to know why.”

“You’re scared.”

“Wouldn’t you be?” Graham fires back, wincing at the tone. “I’m-”

“It’s okay, Graham,” The Doctor interjects, pausing and then exhaling. “I have an idea, it’s not a fix, but it might make me understand what happened, and perhaps give me a place to start.”

“Does it have something to do with what you were looking for?”

“No,” The Doctor responds. “The TARDIS redecorated, always a little harder to find what you need when she does that,”

“You know that that goes completely over my head cause I don’t know what a TARDIS is,” Graham points out. “You gotta explain these things to me, Doctor.” The Doctor looks to Graham, eyes saddened by something. “Have I said something again?”

“You use to call me by a nickname,”

“As I did with Yaz,” Graham reveals. “I called her Yasmin, cause you said her name was Yasmin and only her friends called her Yaz, I didn’t think then.” He explains. “The look on her face-” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “This is hard.”

The Doctor reaches out and takes his free hand in hers, squeezing it and then letting go. “We’ll figure something out, Graham, I promise you that.”

“Will you get my memories back?” Graham asks. “Be honest with me here, 'cos that Ryan lad seems to think you can.”

“I don’t know,” The Doctor says. “I’ll try everything I can, but-”

“If you can’t, then that’s it,” Graham finishes for her. “I'll basically start my life from here then, I guess, 'spose I gotta.”

The Doctor looks down and then nods after a moment. “I might be able to give you some memories back, they won’t be yours, they’d be ours-”

“Not mine, though.”

“No.”

Graham nods and then turns his head to face the Doctor. “You wanted to try something, what was it?”

The Doctor focuses on to his face. “I can look into your mind, maybe see if something happened there that is blocking your memories.”

“How?”

“I’m a touch telepath,” The Doctor reveals. “It’s not painful, and it’s quick, I just need to look through the surface your mind.”

Graham shrugs. “It’s worth a go, I guess,” He says. “Go ahead, Doctor.”

The Doctor nods, and he watches as she moves so she’s kneeling in front of him, his eyes follow her hands to the side of his face, and he frowns when he feels her cold hands against his cheeks. Graham watches her face, eyes closed and a look of concentration, brows furrowed slightly, but she was honest because whatever she’s doing doesn’t hurt.

She pulls away quickly, eyes wide with a look of horror in them. Graham frowns at her. “What’s the matter? Did you find anything?”

The Doctor shakes her head, mouth moving briefly and throat swallowing. “I’m so, so, sorry, Graham-”

“What for?” Graham asks. “What did you see?”

She averts her eyes from his, before standing quickly and leaning against the frame of the bed he was just previously on. “I saw nothing.”

“Nothing?”

The Doctor breathes, and he watches her chest rising and falling again. “Your memories aren’t blocked or hidden, Graham, they’re non-existent.”

“What does that mean?”

The Doctor finally looks back to him as he pulls himself off the floor, legs shaking with the effort. “It means there is nothing to get back,” She reveals, drawing that dread back to the surface for Graham. “Your memories are gone for good.”

Graham stares at the Doctor, eyes searching her face for any sign that she might be deceiving him, but there’s only a sense of profound sadness. It lights up her face, turns her eyes from kind to distressed. “Gone?” Graham repeats, and she nods, hands gripped white against the frame of the bed, and he knows if they were by her side, they’d be shaking. “And you can’t get them back?” 

She gives a slight shake of her head. “I-” Her voice hitches slightly, and he reaches out to her, aged hand resting against her youthful one. “No, I’m sorry, maybe I could try-” She shrugs, shoulders only moving briefly. “I don’t know, Graham, not at the moment anyway.”

“I’m sorry you can’t help me,” Graham says, and he pats her hand, thinking that she might need it or something before removing it altogether. “You mentioned about giving me something?” He frowns. “Your memories, right?”

The Doctor removes her eyes from the hand that he held. “Our memories of you, mine, Yaz’s, and Ryan’s, Jack if we find him, which we need to do, what we saw together, what we’ve done together, as much as we can.”

Graham nods. “Can I ask a question first?”

“Of course,” The Doctor replies, now turning her eyes to Graham. “You can ask whatever you want.”

“How long have I known you all?” Graham asks. “The lad, Ryan, he called me gramps, so I assume I’ve known him for years, but you two?”

“You’ve known myself and Yaz for a little over a year, and Ryan for longer.” The Doctor reveals. “He’s your grandson through marriage.”

Graham’s eyes widen. “What?” He stumbles and flicks his eyes down to his hand. He brings it up and focuses on the ring there, thumb moving it around his finger. “I’m married.” He misses the expression on the Doctor’s face, skin as white as a sheet that quickly turns into a fake smile when he turns back to look at her. “Where are they? Who are they? I mean-”

“Maybe we’d be best leaving that for the moment, Graham, because I have some-”

Graham narrows his eyes. “No, you’re dodging the subject, Doctor,” Graham interjects with an air of annoyance. “You’ve been honest with me so far, or at least I think you have, but now you’re changing the subject on purpose, why? Does it have something to do with this Jack?”

The Doctor maintains eye contact with him before quickly looking away, eyes searching for anything else to stare at. “She’s not here.”

"She?" Graham frowns. "But you mentioned-"

"Jack and her are two different people."

“But that doesn’t answer my question,” Graham points out. “And you know it doesn’t.”

“She-” The Doctor pauses and faces Graham again, chest rising with a deep breath she pulled in. “-she died, back when you first met me.”

“Oh,” Graham merely says, and he tries to think, tries to drag anything that could be her, his wife, up and he finds nothing. It’s empty, like a brand new phone. All the components are there, the languages, and maths, even the calendar, but that personalised feel to it? Gone.

“Graham, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

Graham's hands clench around the frame with anger, and he doesn’t know why. It’s not like he knew his so-called wife, or grandson, or anyone else, so why is he feeling angry? He shoves at the bed, moving it before stalking away, hands now clenching tightly at his side as emotions boil over when he realises that what he’s feeling is a loss. For his memories or for the woman he doesn’t know? He’s not sure, and now he’s crying, throat tight and pained, eyes wet and shoulders shaking.

“Graham-”

“Don’t,” Graham says, voice shaky, hand held up to stop her from approaching. “Just-” He pauses, mind racing with thoughts, but nothing from before he woke up. “What was her name?”

“Grace.”

“Nice name,” Graham murmurs as he looks to the floor. “Maybe it’s better for her, you know.”

The Doctor approaches, and he feels a hand on his shoulder, no pressure, but there and he doesn’t shake it off. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” Graham says. “At least she doesn’t have to look at me, watch as I stare back with no recollection that I even know her, that I supposedly loved her.” He turns and looks at the Doctor. “I don’t even know what she looks like, and yet I feel this loss, and I can’t explain why, just that it’s there, constant and like a freight train," He snaps out with a swish of his hand. "What is Jack to me?" He can spot the hesitation on her face. "Answer me!"

"You're together," The Doctor snaps back at him. "And we don't know where he is." Graham rubs a hand down his face in pain. “I could show you what your wife looked like if you want.”

“You have a picture of her?” Graham asks wishing to change the horror about someone going through what he's going through while they are missing.

The Doctor shakes her head. “I have something better.”

Graham furrows his brows together and looks at her, face a mess and cheeks wet. “How?”

“Remember how I said I could give you some memories?” He nods, listening intently to her. “I could give you my memory of her now if you want.”

Graham looks away thinking the offer over, and he’s not sure really. They wouldn’t be his memories, they’ll be hers, and that’s off-putting, to say the least. “How would you do it?”

“Like before, when I looked through your mind previously,” The Doctor informs. “And just as quick.”

“But it won’t be my memory of her, will it?” Graham asks, knowing the answer anyway. “It would just be like looking into a photo because as much as she would be smiling or whatever, I wouldn’t know her, she’d be a stranger to me.”

“I wouldn’t force you to make any decision, Graham, you can trust me on that.”

Graham nods, swift and quick. “Maybe not,” He starts, pausing ever so briefly. “I don’t know; I have a lot to take in and adding something like that on top of everything right now might be too much for me, I think, I'm still reeling from the idea that Jack is out there somewhere, can you find him?”

"I have the TARDIS searching for him now, but you were my first priority, Jack is hardy, and he can survive a lot."

“Do you know what happened to me, Doctor?” Graham wonders. “Yaz said I was unconscious.”

“We split up,” The Doctor starts. “Like we’ve done before, and I had no reason to suspect anything would happen, it was just a market, that’s all, and you were with Jack.”

“But it was a market where I lost my memories and lost Jack.”

The Doctor sighs, weary and drained. “There was nothing there that showed any signs of danger.” She says. “I arranged for us all to meet back up in the square at a certain time, Yaz was first back which, and then Ryan, but you never arrived, and that was wrong.”

“How come?” Graham probes now looking at her.

“You’re a bus driver, Graham,” The Doctor states. “You would’ve been the first back, but you weren’t, and that worried us all.”

“So how did you find me, then?”

The Doctor pulls out the annoying buzzing device that he heard earlier. “With my sonic,” She explains, clicking it on once. “I tracked your signal to the alleyway where we found you unconscious. Yaz thought you were mugged at first, but nothing was taken from you-” The moment the words leave her mouth she freezes, eyes wide. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-”

Graham shrugs. “You didn’t know at the time,” He waves her off, feeling sick slightly.

The Doctor stares back and then she frowns, expression deep in thought. “Maybe-” She pauses, catching Graham’s attention again.

“Maybe what?”

“Maybe that’s what they took,” She explains. “I’d have to look over data, the time frame, even do a little galactic google search to see if anyone else has reported it.”

“You know, when you looked through my mind, could you see anything that would explain it?” Graham questions. “Cause if you did then you could have something to work from, right?”

The Doctor glances at Graham. “If I run some tests,” Her brows crease together. “I have an idea what it could be, but it’s impossible for a planet like the one we were own to have the technology, at least at that time.”

Graham frowns. “Planet?” He stares at her, incredulous and momentarily forgetting the issue at hand. “Are you telling me we travel through space?”

“It’s the TARDIS.”

“You said TARDIS again, Doctor,” Graham reminds. “Might want to run some things through with me.”

The Doctor nods, and then after a moment, she extends a hand out to Graham. “Come with me; I want to show you something.”

Graham stares at the offered hand before taking it and allowing the Doctor to lead him from the medical bay; he assumes it is one anyway and further into the building they’re in. Its pathways are winding and seemingly unending, but the Doctor looks like she knows where she is going.

He looks around as she leads him, eyes focusing on bits and pieces passing by, doors leading to gigantic rooms only for the next door to lead a room that should be impossible considering its neighbour. “What is this place?”

“Time and Relative Dimensions in Space,” The Doctor answers. “TARDIS for sort, and she’s my ship, my home-” She glances back at Graham. “Our home.”

“Your ship?” Graham speaks again. “But it’s huge.”

“She’s infinite, Graham.”

“Infinite,” Graham murmurs from behind her, not really getting it. “So we live here then?”

“Occasionally,” The Doctor answers. “When I pick you up from Sheffield.”  
Graham stares at the back of the Doctor’s head. “Not to sound like a broken record, but what is that?” 

“It’s where you live, Graham, with Jack and Ryan.”

“Makes sense I ‘spose,” He sighs and shrugs, weariness striking him full force now. “Where are we going?”

“We’re nearly there,” The Doctor responds, glancing over her shoulder and smiling. “It’s just through here-”

Graham removes his eyes from the Doctor and looks upon the room as soon as they enter. It’s big with crystal-like structures, orange in colour, and there is a feeling of warmth. There is a central area, raised from the ground with circular patterns running across them. “It’s massive in here.”  
“You should see the outside, that’s the real headwonk,” The Doctor says back at him. “Now, come on, we’re here, and I want to show you something.”

Graham watches her again and then looks ahead as they approach two doors, wooden he thinks. “Where does that lead?”

“Wait and see, Graham,” The Doctor smiles and then she turns and pulls the doors and for a split second Graham feels like he’s about to get sucked out into space, only he doesn’t. The smile is still on the Doctor’s face. “Shielding, wouldn’t go without it.” She says proudly.

“That’s space,” Graham says, disregarding what the Doctor is talking about. “That’s bloody space.” He repeats and then frowns again. “Wait, how do I know what that is? I mean, I know space as in the word, but how can I say what that is without ever seeing it before?”

The Doctor smiles vanishes, and she cocks her head to the side, puzzled expression now appearing on her face. “I’m not sure.”

Graham walks forward, hands holding onto the doors as he looks out. “I don’t recognise any of the stars, but that’s space, that’s literally space.” He looks to the Doctor and smiles, genuine. “We’re in space.” He’s like a kid in a candy shop, heart thumping in his chest from excitement. The definition of the word, what it means, is in his head, but actually seeing it for the first time is another thing altogether. "It's beautiful, but it's a distraction, isn't it?"

“No, it isn't, Graham, I-" The Doctor frowns. "I just wanted to show you because we can go wherever we want to in the TARDIS, Graham,” The Doctor says as she leans back against the doorframe. “Anytime, anyplace, any one of those stars.” She looks out. "I know Jack is out there, but I can't do anything while the ship is searching, there was a framework over the planet, too advanced, so I took us out and into space while we search, I will land us back onto the planet as if no time has passed."

“Wow, and I'd be amazed if that didn't all just go over my head,” Graham murmurs. His eyes travel across the stars, shining brightly in the distance before glancing back. “So, then, Doc, where do I come from?”

“Mhmm?”

“Where do I-” His eyes dart back to the opening. “You said planets earlier,” She nods. “So which one am I from? Cause it has to be out there.”

The Doctor's eyes widen a fraction. “You don’t know?” 

Graham shakes his head as she turns to look out as well. “Maybe if I tried to think about it,” He says, brows knitting together. The word is almost there. “Something like dirt, although why would you call a planet, dirt, I dunno, but it’s something like that, I think.”

“Earth, Graham, she's called Earth, and she's a beautiful spec of green and blue in the cosmos, filled with many creatures, some big, some small, but all-important in the grand scheme of things.” She explains. “Humans make up a good portion of them though-”

Graham glances to the Doctor, face turning blank on purpose as an idea hits him, who says he can’t have a bit of fun. “What’s a human?” The Doctor snaps her head back to him, and he can’t help the smirk that turns into a smile and then the laugh that escapes, maybe it's crazy sounding slightly, but seeing her face was worth it. “I’m joking, Doctor,” He says, still laughing. “I know what a human is.”

"Honestly, Graham," The Doctor fires back, a smile tugging at her lips, and he's grateful that the distress has turned to mirth for the time being anyway. “I wonder why, though.”

“What do you mean?”

The Doctor places her hands in her pockets. “You didn’t know what you looked like, but you know you’re human.”

Graham shrugs. “I don’t know, I mean, I didn't think about it; I just knew it." He explains. "Maybe whatever happened didn’t take away something so fundamental to me.”

“I think we need to go over what you know and what you don’t, Graham.” The Doctor suggests. “It would give me something to go on.”

“And me,” Graham adds. “I used Yaz’s phone earlier, knew how to change from the gallery and to the camera, even how to flick it to front-facing.”

“You did?”

Graham nods. “Yeah, but I don’t know why, it just came to me,” His brows knit together. “It was less of me thinking about it, more-” He pauses. “-muscle memory, I guess? Cause my hands just did it.”

The Doctor has a thoughtful look on her face. “That-” She turns from the door, and Graham watches her go. “Graham, come with me.”

“Why?”

“I want to know what you can do without thinking about it.”

Graham raises an eyebrow and follows after the Doctor. “That could take a while cause it’s not like I know what I might know.”

“We have time here,” The Doctor answers, and it’s cryptic. “Kitchen first.”

“Why there?”

“You spent a lot of time in there,” The Doctor explains. “I’m hoping that something might-” She glances to him. “-not jog your memory, but give it a chance, give you something.”

“Well, if it can help, then I’m willing to give anything a go.”

* * *

Teabag, water, leave it to brew, and then a dash of milk- Graham thinks. His eyes narrow in thought. He removes the bag and stares at the tea on the counter, trying to remember if he’s missing any steps. “I did it.” Pause as he stares at the light brown liquid. “I think?”

The Doctor is next to him in an instant, head peeking around him to look at the cup of tea. “Looks good, why don’t you try it?”

Graham glances to the Doctor. “Alright,” He lifts the mug and eyes the brown liquid with suspicion. “You said I liked this?” He asks and the Doctor nods. He proceeds forward and sips it, careful of the hot liquid, tasting the liquid before pulling the mug away and grimacing.

“What’s wrong?”

Graham eyes the mug again. “It doesn’t taste-” His brow furrows in thought. “-I was expecting something else.” He looks to the Doctor. “You sure I liked this?”

The Doctor nods, but he sees a flash of disappointment on her face. “You always had a cup of tea in the morning.”

“I could try making it again?” Graham suggests. “I might’ve messed up a step or something.”

“You didn’t,” The Doctor says, leaning back against the counter in the TARDIS kitchen. "Why don't you try it with some sugar?"

Graham nods and reaches over to the sugar. He deposits one spoonful in and swirls it around. He brings the tea up again and takes another sip, this time finding it a lot nicer on the tastebuds. "That's better but still strange."

“But you knew how to make it, even if it wasn’t what you expected.” The Doctor beams, hand gentle on his forearm and patting it before removing it again.

Graham gently places the mug down and mimics the Doctor’s pose, arms folded across his chest. He doesn’t speak, and neither does the Doctor, both caught up in deep thoughts that only get disturbed by the sound of voices approaching. Graham looks up a moment after the Doctor, and he spots Ryan and Yaz stood in the doorway looking in, both with worried expressions on their young faces. Which makes sense, he supposes. He’d be worried too if someone he knew suddenly didn’t recognise them at all.

“Hey,” Graham says, unfolding his arms and looking at the pair of them, eyes mainly focusing on Ryan. “I’m sorry about earlier; I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

Ryan taps a pattern onto his thigh, nervousness perhaps, Graham guesses. “That’s okay, gram- Graham.”

Graham winces, remembering what he said. Correcting it now or acknowledging it won’t be good for either of them, and he might not know or remember the lad, but what he said would’ve stung him.

There is silence among them, the sound awkward and tense and choking in the small kitchen. “Uh,” Graham speaks, eyes flicking down to the now cold tea before looking back to Ryan and Yaz. “Do you want a tea?”

Yaz’s eyebrow raises, and she takes a step into the kitchen. “A tea?”

“Yeah,” Graham says. “I can make them.”

Ryan follows after Yaz, equally looking puzzled. “You can?”

Graham nods, happy that the awkwardness has been replaced by something for the time being. “Yeah, I remembered how to make them, or not, I don’t really know.” He turns around, missing the shared glance of Ryan and Yaz. He pulls down four mugs from a cabinet and turns the kettle on. Graham faces them again after placing four tea bags into the mugs. “I’m not sure how I did it,” He looks to Yaz. “But it came to me in the same way,” He explains. “Like when I used your phone, Yaz.” He sees the faint smile on her face at the use of her nickname.

“I think it’s ingrained in him,” The Doctor ventures, drawing the attention back to her. “I’m not sure, but I think daily tasks, something he never thought about have remained.”

“So, maybe his memories will come back as well?” Ryan suggests in a hopeful tone. “If we give it some time.”

The Doctor glances at Graham, mouth about to open- “Why don’t you take a seat at the table, and I’ll bring the teas over?” Graham interjects quickly, eyes only locking against the Doctor’s briefly and trying to communicate the word ‘don’t’ to her. “I can’t say I’ll get them right, but it’s the thought that counts, yeah?”

“Alright,” Ryan says. His hand reaches out to Graham, pausing but then continuing to give him a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

Graham smiles back at the lad before turning around to focus on the teas again. Teabag, hot water, brew, milk. He pointedly ignores the look directed at him from the Doctor. He’ll tell Ryan eventually, but not now, not when he still has some hope that the Doctor can fix this.

And anyway the teas are made, and that’s a distraction. Graham picks the four mugs up, two in each hand and he carefully walks over to the small table. He sets the mugs down in no particular order and then hands them out one by one. He catches the look on Yaz’s face when he hands the red, blue, and yellow over to her. “What’s the matter, have I messed up something?”

Yaz looks at the Doctor and then to Ryan before sighing. “That’s your mug, Graham,” She says, and he stares at it. “You wouldn’t let us touch it before, not even Jack could, and he did try.”

“Oh,” Graham whispers. To him, it’s a mug, but to them, they know it had meaning to him. He exhales and settles down into the free seat, hands reaching out to the mug in question and taking it back. He reads the front of it. “West Ham United.” His brows furrow together because he feels like he should know what it means. 

It’s important.

“You support them,” Ryan informs him. “Big Hammers fan.” He gestures out to Graham’s collar, drawing attention to the small badge there. “You have an antique badge of theirs.”

Graham places the mug down and pulls at his collar so he can see the small metal badge. He tries to place them, tries to figure out what’s so essential about- “West Ham United, Football Club.” He reads from the small lettering on the badge. “Football.” He frowns and he’s beginning to get frustrated. “I should know what that means.”

“It’ll come back to you,” Ryan suggests. “Give it time.” Graham releases his hold on the collar of his jacket and glances to Ryan, and then to the Doctor. Ryan catches this and flicks his eyes between the pair of them.

“What is it?”

The Doctor rests her hands onto the table and exhales, eyes slowly looking to Ryan and Yaz. “His memories aren’t blocked.”

“What does that mean?” Ryan questions.

“They’re gone, Ryan,” The Doctor reveals. “I looked, and they’re gone.”

“What do you mean they’re gone?” Ryan demands, eyes continuing to flick between Graham and the Doctor. “And how the hell did you look?”

“Ryan-”

“No, Yaz,” Ryan interjects. “I want to know exactly what is going on here,” He says, hand gesturing his point. “He’s my grandad, and I want to know what has happened to him, Jack would want to know what has happened to him as well!”

“Someone took my memories, Ryan,” Graham says. “That’s what the Doctor said; she doesn’t know much more than that though cause she needs to figure things out.”

“Can you get them back?” Ryan demands, his voice coming out angry.  
The Doctor shakes her head. “I can’t get back something that isn’t there, Ryan, no matter how hard I try.”

“So that’s it then?” Ryan says. “He’s gone-” Graham frowns at that and locks his eyes onto Ryan’s face. He watches as the realisation of what the lad said appears on his face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I get it,” Graham says. “I’m not who you know me to be, and that’s hard, but I’m not gone.” He says, pushing himself from the table and chair. He looks to the Doctor. “Do I have a room or something here?” The Doctor nods, the movement subtle enough. Graham ignores both Ryan and Yaz; it’s easier that way. “Where is it?”

“The TARDIS will lead you to your room, Graham,” The Doctor answers. 

“I can show you if you want?” Yaz offers.

Graham waves her off and turns to leave the kitchen. “No, ta,” He says. “A walk will do me some good.”

And then he leaves the kitchen entirely; he picks his pace up when he hears them speaking because he doesn’t want to listen, to hear, to be made aware and reminded that he’s gone as Ryan so gently put it because he is gone.

They are gone from his life.

And he is gone from his.

He doesn’t know his parents; he couldn’t tell you where he lives, even his name has no meaning to him. They call him Graham, but what is that? It’s nothing because it means nothing. They could call him anything, and he’d believe them, they could tell him anything, and he’d believe them, they could’ve even done this and covered it up-

Graham pauses, eyes glancing up the hallway and considering that option. But that’s a ridiculous thought to have, to go to all this trouble and emotion over him, but the alternative is worse somehow. If they didn’t know him and simply took him from where he lived, then that would be easier because they wouldn’t know him.

But they do, they know who he was and they all care for him, even enough to call him grandad and that’s too much to deal with right now. He turns and continues forward, trusting that the ship or whatever it is will lead him to his so-called room.

Sure enough, the TARDIS has lead Graham to a door. It’s wooden, or it at least looks like it’s wood, who knows in an infinite spaceship like this. There are circular patterns, glowing in a slight orange colour, upon the face of it. Graham doesn’t pay them attention though; instead, he raises his hand to the handle and grips it slowly, hesitating and drawing out the process of opening the door for fear of what is behind it.

And anything could be behind it, but he needs to see, needs to learn who the man, Graham O’Brien, really was. Graham pushes the door open and steps inside, eyes darting around the warm looking room. It’s cosy and homely and nothing like the strange corridor he stepped from.

This is different, it's familiar and alien at the same time, but it’s the first time he’s seen anything like it, and yet, he recognises it, feels the safety from it and yearns for it. Somehow. Graham shuts the door and leans back against it, chest rising and falling, eyes closing as he breathes in the room. 

It smells nice, comforting.

He inhales one more time and releases a deep breath before opening his eyes to properly look across the room now, the previous motion where he flicked his eyes over everything wasn’t enough. Now though, he takes his time to focus on the little details dotted around.

There’s a scarf in the same colours as the mug was, goldish lettering peeks out from where he, or who he was, hung it by the door. He takes his eyes from that and looks at the other jacket hanging there. It's brown and leather, slightly worn from use. His hand brushes against it, bringing it to his nose and smelling it and then across the red one he has on. He slowly removes it and sets it next to the other one. Two jackets, one with a badge that he liked, apparently, another bare from personality. If asked, he'd say he'll like the leather one more because it doesn't remind him of who he was.

Graham turns his attention from the jackets and back to the room as a whole. It’s neat and tidy, the covers on the bed are pulled up, the pillows are straight. There is an alarm clock on the bedside table and the back of a picture frame, the front of it facing the bed, or more precisely a pillow.  
Graham’s head tilts to the side, and he makes his way over, hand reaching down to it and pausing briefly before wrapping around and picking it up.

He turns it over, heart-thumping within his chest as he stares down at the photo. He doesn’t recognise her, but he can put two and two together to make four. This is the woman he married, clearly, because who else would it be? It's not that man, Jack.

“Grace,” Graham whispers, thumb brushing against the glass instinctively and pulling away just as quickly. It’s intrusive, almost, he doesn’t know her. The other one, the other him, he did, he knew her, and he loved her. 

But who he is now- He’s a stranger to her, to the woman he apparently loved enough to marry. Graham places the picture down again, this time turning it away from the bed. He turns the others for good measure as well. 

He lies down on the bed and stares up at the ceiling, thoughts spiralling and fracturing into different paths, different ideas. Graham gets lost in the ceiling and before long his eyes shut, the day's events taking their toll now upon his aching and tired body and he slips into a restless sleep, face twitching as he remembers some of the first thoughts he-  
  
  


_Pain. Oh god, all he feels is pain, burning and unrelenting. Like he’s being held over hot coals, forced to stare into the fire and embers by forces unknown. Things, leather perhaps, dig into his wrists, legs, and chest. Restricted and restrained, hard to breathe, choking. There is pressure on his head and face, mouth forced shut, making it impossible for him to scream in agony while shadows move above, speaking in confusing sentences-_

_“What’s wrong with it?” One says. “The imprint should be working now; it worked on all the others why is this one and the other different?”_

_“I don’t know,” Another says, urgent. “The mindwipe worked this time, but the imprint refuses to take hold, every time it begins it stops-”_

_“Why?” The first demands._

_“He’s-” The second starts, pausing. “-he’s different, completely different to the native population here, his entire body, internal organs, even his brain is different, he's alien-”_

_"How is that possible?" The first says. "No one here should be different; we picked this planet because they're easy to wipe, easy to sell."_

_"Well he is," The second snaps, and there is tapping on a keyboard or something. "Along with the other one who is shouting for him."_

_"If he's alien, then what exactly is he?"_

_There's a pause. "Human," The second reveals and then he, eyes fearful and unknown, pain lessening now as he starts to slip away, is looking into a creatures face, eyes black and skin paled. "-he's human."_

  
  
Graham jolts awake, heart thumping for an entirely different reason now. He doesn’t know what that was, but the pain and heat linger and- and- Oh god, he’s going to be sick. Graham's eyes flick across the room, spotting a room to the side that he’s sure wasn’t there when he walked in, and he rushes to it, door slamming open and head bowed over the toilet as soon as he enters.

He retches, a hand gripped around his waist and stays like that until he’s sure that’s everything. It’s not like he had much to throw up in the first place, but he’s cautious anyway. His throat burns and he leans away to pull himself over to the sink. Graham fills up a cup and greedily drinks, the water reliving some of the remnants from the acid reflux.

Graham places the cup down and looks into the mirror, and he can see himself fully for the first time. His face is lined, eyes drawn with dark shadows beneath them. There’s no smiling man this time, just a mouth set in a thin line on a face that screams tiredness to him. Graham steps away from the sink and looks to the shower. 

Maybe that would help.

And if it doesn’t, then it at least gives him a chance to think about whatever that was he saw? Remembered? He's not sure, the Doctor said he had no memories, but it seemed so real…

There were two voices, something about an imprint and it not taking hold, whatever that means. The comment about him being different sparks a curious thought. What made him different from the others? It was something to do with being alien. And what about the others? Because it’s obvious this might’ve happened to other people now. There are people lumped into the same boat as he is, only with an imprint or something, but it worked for them because they weren't human? Then that face, eyes as black as space, skin like that of a corpse, paled and unliving. No warmth there at all.

Graham runs a hand down his face. This just opens up more questions. Like, why didn’t the Doctor find this when she looked through his mind? Is it even real? Or is it just something his brain conjured to help with the stress of not knowing itself?

Graham doesn’t know, and standing in front of the shower isn’t going to answer any of them. He undoes his shirt and drops it to the floor and goes to remove his trousers, only to stop and stare at his chest and then wrists, eyes wide and surprised.

Three sets of purple bruises wrap around him. Graham brings his left hand to the one on his right arm and presses it, wincing when it stings. He doesn’t remember getting them, or even realising he was bruised, his body ached when he woke up, but-

Like a stone hitting a lake and sending ripples, it drops, whatever he saw in his dream must have happened. It actually happened, the pain and the- Graham turns from the bathroom and heads out into his bedroom, only stopping to grab a dressing gown along the way. He needs to speak to the Doctor, needs to show her-

Graham shrugs the gown on and heads to his door, exiting into the corridor. He looks up and down the hallway before realising that he hasn’t a clue where to start. “You showed me where my room was,” Graham says to the ship, putting his faith into it because it hasn’t lead him wrong yet.

“Can you lead me to the Doctor?”

There isn’t a reply, but there is a door on the opposite wall the moment he looks back up the corridor. “Through there?” Graham asks, not waiting for a reply as he walks towards it. He pulls it open and looks into it, finding another corridor. It’s short, and he can see the ending, can even hear the voices coming from what clearly is the console room, and he hesitates in the open doorway.

Graham takes a breath and steps forward, edging slowly down the corridor as the voices grow in volume. He waits and listens, missing most of the previous conversation-

_“-shouldn’t we?” Yaz says. “It would make sense.”_

_“I’m not sure, Yaz,” The Doctor speaks. “People would ask questions.”_

_“He doesn’t see many people though,” Ryan supplies, his voice drawn. “His mates are busy with work, and it’s nearly Christmas, we were going to-” The lad trails away. “-Doesn’t matter cause we ain’t doing it now.”_

_“What were you going to do, Ryan?” The Doctor asks, her voice gentle._

_There is a snort and a shuffling of clothes. “We were gonna go to Nan’s grave, me, Jack, and him,” Ryan reveals. “And then up to the hill, we were gonna take some food up there, not have a Christmas dinner, but just something, you know?” Graham leans back against the wall, emotions building, and he can’t figure out why. He can only picture the woman in the photo, not her voice or mannerism, but her face. “Have something to eat in a place she loved.”_

Graham exhales and pushes himself from the wall and into the console room, he’ll pretend he didn’t hear that. The moment they see him, he can tell the conversation has been stopped, and that’s for the best in his opinion.

“Graham,” The Doctor greets, fake smile on her face. “Did you-” Her brows furrow together. “You’re in your dressing gown. Why?”

Graham looks down, remembering the reason why he even wanted to find the Doctor in the first place. “That, yeah.” He looks at them all. “I- I think I remembered something.”

Ryan’s eyes widen slightly. “From before?”

Graham reluctantly looks at the lad. “No, not exactly,” He says, voice tripping. “I don’t know; it was confusing.”

“What did you remember?” Yaz probes.

Graham chews the inside of his mouth, hands clenching and only now does he feel the dull ache from the bruises on his arms. “Do you want me to be honest here, no matter how much it might hurt you three?” He asks, he might not know them, but he doesn’t want to hurt them and explaining about the pain, the burning, well that would hurt them.

The Doctor looks at Yaz and Ryan, watching their expressions and then nods of confirmation before facing Graham again. “Go ahead.”

“I woke up during it, I think, whatever they did I woke up,” Graham says, glaze locked onto the Doctor. “I felt the pain, and at first I thought it might have just been a dream or something, I don’t know, but I remember feeling something on my arms, legs, and chest, and, well, look-” He pulls up the sleeve of his dressing gown and shows the purple bruise to them all. “-I spotted them when I went to have a shower, wanted to clear my head and all, but found that instead.”

The Doctor comes forward and gently takes Graham’s arm, examining it. “It looks like you were restrained.”

“That’s what I remember,” Graham reveals. “Something was holding me in place, had this thing on my head that made it impossible to move, couldn't even scream no matter how much it hurt.”

The Doctor’s face pales, jaw clenching tight while her eyes take on a shadowed look. “Was there anything else, Graham?” She asks, voice icy.

“Yeah, they had a conversation, said something about an imprint not working, and then said about the other one, it wasn't working on them either.”

“An imprint?” Yaz repeats from behind him.

Graham turns to look at her, eyes catching the horrified expression on Ryan’s face as his eyes pass him. “They said I wasn’t like the others, said I was completely different, alien or something.” He faces the Doctor again. “They called it a mindwipe, said that that worked, but not the imprint, whatever that was.”

The Doctor releases his arm and pulls away. “Mindwipe?” She asks, and he nods, only to flinch back himself when she lashes out against the console.

“Doctor?” Yaz speaks, arm reaching out to Graham and motioning for him to take a step back. “What is that?”

The Doctor leans down heavily against the console, chest heaving with breaths. “Outlawed, barbaric, inhumane-” She spits out the words like poison. “-I had an idea that that was what it was, but I hoped it wasn’t, I really hoped it wasn't.” She moves away from the console, hands balling into fists. “Graham would’ve been aware, would've known or at least realised what was happening to him.”

“Aware?” Ryan says.

The Doctor doesn’t look at him. “You didn’t wake up, Graham, what you remembered, what you dreamt, that was your first memory after they took yours away.”

“I don’t understand, Doctor.”

“They kept you awake while they tore the memories from you, you were aware of what they were doing, every memory you ever had was pulled from your mind in quick succession, that’s why it hurt.”

“I think I’m gonna be sick,” Ryan murmurs off to the side, and Yaz quickly moves over to Ryan while he leans down on his knees.

Graham stares at the Doctor, hardly knowing what to do with the information she just dropped onto him. “What will you do, Doctor?”

The Doctor keeps her eyes averted from them all. “We need to stop them, make it so they can never hurt someone else.” She says, voice completely changed now. She doesn’t attempt any warmth or kindness; she’s angry and almost vibrating with rage. Hands twitching, head angled away, hiding her features from them. Ryan and Yaz may be preoccupied, but Graham isn’t, and he’s watching her with keen eyes, and he catches her mouth when it utters one word with such contempt-

“Again.”

* * *

Graham follows after the Doctor, Ryan, and Yaz, their feet moving through the streets with pace. He didn’t want to come, not after they took everything from him, but he also didn’t want to be left alone, unsure and at a loss of who he even is.

The very concept is terrifying, nightmarish. Waking up without a clue... imagine doing that alone? If he didn't have the Doctor, Ryan, or Yaz when he woke up then he wouldn't know anything, he'll just be...

Blank.

But, as it stands in Graham’s opinion, he doesn’t feel that nightmare because he doesn’t know who he is, it’s a concept he can’t quite grasp in scale. He knows that he wouldn't want to lose what he knows now, or who he's moulding into? Who is he really? The three people in front of him know him as a friend and a grandfather, but he doesn't know them, or what they expect of him. Is he a kind man? Grumpy? Standoffish? He was married, so he must have been at least a decent bloke in some aspect that he can't figure out.

And he does have a partner, a man, so that's puzzling to his fledgeling mind.

But it's a mess, and it's confusing. He felt the agony, remembers it from the dream and he saw the horror on Ryan and Yaz’s faces, noticed the cold rage on the Doctor’s, but the nightmare that happened, the memories torn from his head? He doesn’t remember it. He can’t even put into perspective what or who he was went through during it. The idea of seeing people ripped from your mind, trying to hold onto them while screaming through your mouth that forced shut is horrifying.

“This is where we found you, Graham,” The Doctor speaks, dragging Graham’s morbid thoughts away from his ordeal. “Can you recognise any of it?”

Graham looks around the dingy alleyway. It’s wet, grey, lifeless and impersonal. Sort of like him, he supposes in a grimdark tone. “No.”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s a shitty alleyway on some crappy world that I was dumped in, unconscious and unaware of anything going on around me,” Graham snaps, only to wince at his tone. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped at you, Doc,” The moment the word, her name, shortened and filled with something akin to care, leaves his mouth he sees her flinch, hand clenching white around her sonic. “Did I say something?”

“You called her, Doc,” Ryan says, hope in his eyes, and something that Graham knows is going to get dashed just as quick.

“Well, Doctor was quite long, wasn’t it?” Graham says. “And if Yaz’s name is shortened, then-” He trails off, shrugging. “I can go back to calling you Doctor if you want.”

“No,” The Doctor says quickly, eyes snapping to him and glistening before turning away again. “It’s fine; I like it, it's... nice.”

Graham nods, mouth set in a thin line. He looks around again, hoping to spot something and finding nothing. “I think they might’ve knocked me out or something because I can’t recall anything here, sorry, I tried.”

“No, worries,” The Doctor replies, turning back to Graham. “I might be able to trace your signal, well where you were sort of,” She scrunches her face. “It’ll be a bit like a sniffer dog, this sonic, but it will at least pinpoint where they took you.”

“Okay, if you’re sure.”

The Doctor flashes a brief smile before rising the sonic and scanning Graham; the process takes a while. With so little to go on and interference in the air, but she finds what she’s looking forward with a triumph cheer.

“You located it?” Yaz asks.

“Roughly, but that's fine, we don’t need an exact location because as soon as I approach the area," She taps her sonic. "The sonic will indicate to me technology that shouldn’t be on a planet like this at this time.” She explains. “Did I ever say that I love my sonic?”

Ryan and Yaz smile and nod back, leaving Graham to alone to his thoughts because that’s a question he can’t answer, did she ever say that to him? And for another thought, what is a sonic?

“Well, lead on, Doctor,” Yaz says, ushering them onwards. "Daylight is disappearing."

When they finally get to the building, it looks just as plain as any of the others or the alleyway, devoid of emotion and personality, but this one has it windows barred with wood. The Doctor is sure that what was done to Graham is behind these doors and it takes all of Yaz’s persuasive technique to not have the Doctor going in guns blazing and ready to tear it down, brick by brick at first.

Which means they’re going through the backdoor. It’s dark now, the sun vanished from the horizon, the streets empty and no one is around apart from them, but Graham is nervous, eyes darting up at the building that stole his life from him. They don’t speak; they move together silently. Pressed against the cold wall until they come across a door, unassuming, but with a wave of the Doctor’s sonic, it’s swiftly opened. “In, quickly.”

It’s just as dark in the room, and Graham can’t make anything out. Everything blends together in a black blob. “Not being funny,” He whispers, eyes searching for the figure that he hopes is the Doctor. “But I can’t see a bloody thing in here, how are we meant to find what we're looking for in this?”

“One second, Graham,” The Doctor whispers back. There is a rustling, and then the room gets bathed in low light. “Pocket torch-”

“You mean a torch,” Ryan points out, dryly. The Doctor stares at him before turning swiftly and moving away. “She totally meant a torch.”

“Yeah, and we probably should follow that torch unless you want to be left in the dark,” Yaz says, heading off after the Doctor. “Come on.”

Ryan quickly follows after them with Graham picking up the rear. They walk in silence again; occasionally, the Doctor will pause and point the torch around before marching forward again. 

Graham watches them keenly though, they all move like a team, and he can’t help but feel like a spare part. Maybe he wasn’t before, but now, well he doesn’t really know them, does he? It's playing on his mind, and he's putting trust in them to help him and to help the man that they all know.

He goes back to looking around again, the further they move into the building the cleaner it gets. Boxes stacked neatly, the air fresher somehow, but none of that matters, not when they walk into the next room.

Each one of them stops dead in their tracks. This room has a light, and Graham really wished it didn’t. Metal cages line the walls, blank eyes stare at them.

“Doctor-” Someone says, is it Yaz or Ryan? Graham doesn't know, too caught up in staring at the people behind the bars. “Are these victims?”

“Yes,” The Doctor spits the word out like poison.

“Can we help them?”

“There’s nothing to help,” Graham says, voice carrying over them. He breaks away from the group and makes his way to one of the cages. There is a man and woman inside, nice clothes, warm looking, but faces looking at him with surprise. “They don’t know who they are.” He says feeling a kinship with them.

The woman focuses on Graham. “You don’t look like them.” She states. "You look like us."

The Doctor makes her way over to Graham. “Them?”

“The ones who take us,” The woman says. "Cause pain, always pain."

“She’s talking about the bastards who did this, Doc.” Graham spits out. 

"Look," He says, gesturing up and pointing at her arms. "Bruises like mine, but hers are darker, more recent, maybe."

“Black eyes, black eyes, just that, always that, staring down,” The man speaks for the first time, legs being drawn up to his chest and shaking. “Hurts us, they talk and talk, quickly and quickly, but always they hurt-”  
Graham withdraws from the cage, chest rising and falling. He feels hot and sick. The Doctor spares another look at them, expression soft, but tinged with anger. “This ends today, Doc, right?”

"It does."

“What are we going to do?” Ryan asks.

“I want you three to get these people out, while I-”

“No,” Graham says, making them all look to him. “I want to end this with you, Doctor.” Maybe it’s a low blow to use her full name, but he needs her to listen. “They did that to me,” His arm gestures to the woman and man. “I’m owed something from them; they're owed something from the bastards-”

The Doctor faces Graham. “We don’t do revenge.”

“They took my life from me, my knowledge of everyone I knew, and they did this to a person I am meant to care about, but know nothing about!” Graham continues on, pointing at his chest to drive the point home.

“Everything I knew and loved is gone from me,” He presses ever forward, missing the expressions on Yaz’s and Ryan’s faces for bringing up what Ryan said back in the TARDIS. “Like they did to these poor sods and the countless before them, lives stolen and erased, we might’ve well been killed because we'll never know who we were ever again.”

“And what do you plan on doing, Graham?” The Doctor asks, voice and tone sounding like they’ve had this conversation before. “We came to stop them, but we found people. It’s our job to rescue them, and I need you three to do that while I-”

“I ain’t letting you go without me, and that’s that,” Graham says, putting his foot down. They all look at him, expecting him to be something that he’s not, in his opinion. “You weren’t the one they deleted.”

The Doctor gaze doesn't leave Graham's face. “Fine,” She snaps. “Ryan and Yaz get them out of here,” She orders, passing the torch to the younger woman. “Me and Graham will put a stop to this.”

“Doctor-”

“Do it, Ryan,” The Doctor says, leaving no room for argument before she turns and heads from the room. "Come on, Graham."

Graham spares one look at Ryan who avoids eye contact, and there's a moment where he feels guilty for bringing up the 'gone' comment, but he can't focus on that, at least not at the moment anyway. He looks to the people locked away in cages on his way past them, wondering if he was locked in one like they are, empty eyes staring around confused and lost.

He turns and hurries up after the Doctor; she doesn’t speak to him, mouth pressed in a thin line as she walks forward with a clear goal in mind.  
He matches her pace, shooting glances her way every now and then. 

“Look, Doc-”

“Don’t.”

“I have a right to-”

“To what, Graham?” The Doctor says, stopping to stare Graham down. “Hurt them, kill them?”

“They hurt me,” Graham replies, keeping his voice quiet, but levelled at her. “And they hurt them back there.”

“Revenge isn’t a path to take, Graham, it never is.”

"Isn't it?" Graham balls his hands at his side. “Do you know what it’s like to not know yourself?” He asks, dragging the question out through clenched teeth. “I didn’t know my name or my planet, or what I even looked like, and neither does that lot back there, or the people they did this to before me.” The Doctor stares at Graham. “Where’s our justice? Will we ever get it?”

“You’re not going to kill the people who did this to you, Graham,” The Doctor states. "I won't allow that."

“I never said anything about killing them, Doctor,” Graham points out. “You did, you said that, I didn't.”

Although the thought remains in his head, eating away like moths to a blanket.

The Doctor looks away. “You did before, a while ago now.” 

Graham frowns at her back, stomach suddenly feeling like lead. “What?” He asks, losing footing in the conversation. “Are you saying that I killed before?”

“No,” The Doctor answers, turning around to stare at him again. “You were the better man, stepped away from that path, but I’m not sure now because I don’t know who you are or what type of man you are.” Her expression softens. “You’re angry, scared, you were born in fear, and you have every right to be all that, they took your life from you. Everything you were gone-” She exhales long and hard. “-and they don’t mix well together, Graham, you're a wildcard at the moment.”

“I saw your face back in the TARDIS,” Graham reveals after a second of thought. “You’re angry, or you were angry at least-”

“I still am, Graham.” The Doctor replies. "They hurt you, hurt one of my friends when you should've been under my protection. I failed you."  
"Maybe you did," Graham agrees. "I wouldn't know if you did or not." He sighs and runs a hand down his face. “But I don’t want to kill them,” Graham explains. “What I want to do is to shove them in the machines that did this and see how they like it, but,” He breathes out again. “Then they’ll be like me, innocent in a sense.”

“So what do you want to do, Graham?” The Doctor asks again.

“Destroy the place, break it down so they can’t restart it,” Graham says. "Lock them in those cages back there if they're still in this building and call the authorities or something."

Maybe, or maybe not, he'll genuinely decide when they enter that room.

The Doctor smiles, it’s slight and hardly touches her face, but it’s there. “You’re still the better man, Graham; you always will be,” She faces away again. “Now come, let’s shut this down for good.”

They make their way silently through the building, Graham following on the Doctor's heels as quietly as he can. The further they head into the building, the more that it starts to clear up.

Graham glances around, squinting his eyes. "I don't recognise anything."

The Doctor doesn't respond; she gestures instead for him to quieten down before pointing ahead and nodding towards it.

Graham follows her gaze and keeps his eyes narrowed on the flickering light ahead. He looks at the Doctor when she takes him by his hand, blinking in surprise at the voice in his head.

'Don't speak,' The Doctor's voice is loud, but not to his ears. 'You can think in response.'

'Is this your touch telepathy?'

There's a pause.

'Yeah,'

Then a sigh.

'Stay behind me, Graham, please.'

And with that, her hand drops from his, and he finds himself following after her once again.

The closer they get they begin to hear low murmurings, followed by a restrained groaning. They inch towards the doors, never once looking in as they listen.

"This is outstanding, the rate in which he heals and how he comes back from death," A beady-eyed figure says. "Selling him could net us more profits than any of the wastes of flesh here could-"

There's a muffled yell, a man's voice enraged and in pain.

"It's a shame the memory wipe never lasted on him like it did with the other human he so liked to shout for-"

The Doctor's eyes widen at that, and she stares at Graham. He can't make out the expression on her face. It's dark, very dark. He's not sure.

And he doesn't have time to process it before she springs from the wall and strides into the room.

"Oh, yeah," The Doctor barks, causing surprise to the two figures who fumble for weapons that they never reach before she disarms them, throwing one weapon away and keeping the other. "It's a grand shame the memory wipe never worked, isn't it?"

Graham's eyes widen when he spots her pointing the weapon at the two figures who now have their hands up, feet edging back. He rushes into the room, skidding to a halt when the man in the restraints begins thrashing the moment his eyes lock onto him.

"Jack, stop-" The Doctor keeps her eyes trained on the figures as she pulls out her sonic. She presses the button down, releasing the bonds from the man.

Jack rips himself free and stumbles from the table just as quick. He doesn't look at the Doctor; his eyes are focused only on Graham.

"He doesn't know who you are," The Doctor speaks loudly.

Jack snaps his head from Graham to the Doctor before turning back. He steps forward. "Graham-" He whispers, closing the distance between them and taking his head in his hands. He presses a kiss against his forehead; it's light and comforting in ways Graham can't explain. "It's me, Jack, I know you don't know me, but we're together, dating, all right?"

Graham stares at Jack. He recognises him from the picture, but that's about it. "Doctor-"

"It is Jack, Graham," The Doctor reassures. "He'd never hurt you; he couldn't live with himself if he did."

"But I-" Graham flicks his eyes back to Jack once again. "-They mentioned your name when I woke up."

The moment the sentence leaves his mouth, he sees the same pain in Jack's eyes, only magnified.

"I couldn't stop them," Jack explains, hands dropping from Graham's face. "I heard him screaming, crying out for me, then Grace, then names I didn't know, Doctor," He turns and faces her. "They cycled through his entire life from adulthood to childhood and then nothing-"

"I know," The Doctor replies in a monotone voice. She stares at the two figures, silent as they look between the three of them. "I should end the pair of you-"

"If you were going to do that, you would'be done it by now," The braver of the two speaks. "And you haven't, so what do you want?"

"You're right," The Doctor places the weapon behind her and out of reach of them. Graham follows it with his eyes. "You won't get away with this, you'll pay for what you did, I will make sure of that."

"And who are you to judge us?" The second now says. "Are you human like those two are? You know the tall one; he heals, the price we could get for him would be enough for all of us here-"

"No," The Doctor steps forward. "No one is selling anyone, not anymore, not ever again; it ends today."

Graham watches her before looking at the man next to him. His eyes have a sheen to them. "It's not your fault," He tries to comfort the man. His hand reaches out, and he hovers it above his shoulder before pulling it away. "I'm sorry I don't-"

"That's not your fault," Jack interjects, and he blinks, his unshed tears falling from his eyes. He closes the gap again and grabs Graham into a stiff but tight hug. "We'll figure this out, Graham, I promise you, I'll figure something out, anything and I'll never stop looking until you get what they stole back, not for me or for Ryan, but for you because I love you-"

Graham stands in the hug, heart shattering into pieces because he doesn't feel anything.

This man is grieving in front of him, eyes filling with tears and heart pouring itself out and he just feels-

**_Nothing._ **

He pulls himself free from the hug, repressed anger coming forth in a blazing hot rage. His eyes snap to the gun, and he leaps forward, grabbing it. His hand wraps around the trigger before it snaps to the two figures, wavering in the air from his wrath.

"I should kill them for what they did."

"Graham," The Doctor snaps, turning to face him, but keeping out of the crosshair. "Put the gun down-"

Graham clenches his jaw, chest heaving and hand tightening. "They deserve to die, Doctor!"

"Graham, I said we don't-"

The reverberation of the shot drowns out the Doctor's voice. His arm aches from the shockwave moving through it, but he keeps his eyes on the falling body. A cruel smile lights up his face as he snaps the weapon to the second figure who is now grabbing at the body of the fallen one. "One down."

"You killed him!" The figure blurts out in shock. "You murdered him!"

"Maybe I'll kill you as well; it's only fair."

There's a tense second of silence.

A will he or won't he moment.

"Killing doesn't change what they did to you, Graham," The Doctor speaks, tired and exhausted. "It never does, you took one life, you don't have to take another, you can step away."

Graham stares into the black eyes of the figure. It's not human, and he couldn't possibly tell anyone what it is.

But it hurt him, and by default, it hurt the people he was meant to care about.

"We never killed anything-" The remaining figure says. "-at least nothing that didn't come back from the dead, they didn't know what happened to them, it was a better way for them!"

"No, you took everything from me," Graham snaps as he steps forward. He hears someone behind him, and he turns his head, briefly locking his eyes with that of Jack's before snapping them back to the figure. "My name, my face, my planet, my-" He aims the gun down, pressing it close to the now cowering figure. "-my parents, my grandson, my wife, and my-" His arm gestures behind him. "-whoever that is, whatever he is to me, you took him from me, and you hurt him, and for what?"

He gestures around the room in fury. 

"For what?!" He yells, pushing the gun further into the figure's body. "For a price to sell us, to sell the people here, how many people have you done this to? You say you never kill, but I feel dead because I don't remember who I am anymore!"

"Graham," A voice speaks, and he would ignore it if it were the Doctor, but it's not, it's Jack, and it's pleading. "You're not this."

"How do you know I'm not this?" Graham spits in response. "The Doctor said the same bloody thing-"

"You cry at films, Graham," Jack states. "And you stepped away from the man responsible for your wife's death."

"So, what?" Graham finally turns, and he stares Jack down. "You don't want me to get justice for what they did?"

Jack exhales. "I want them dead, but not by your hands-" He states. "You've killed one, let the other-"

"Go?!"

"No," Jack looks at the Doctor. "Can you get that machine working?"

The Doctor stares at Jack. "You want to use the mindwipe on him, don't you?"

"It's only fair," Jack stands to his full height. "They killed me, and they took Graham's memory from him, it's an eye for an eye-"

"We don't do that here, Jack."

"Oh, come off the high horse, Doctor," Jack remarks back at her. "You're talking to me now, and I know more than they do."

"That doesn't make it right, Jack." The Doctor sighs as she crosses the mental line in her head. Her eyes flick down to the unmoving body and back up again. "Graham, lower the weapon-"

"I want to take my-"

"And you will get it!" The Doctor snaps as she steps forward. "I could disarm you, but I want you to put that weapon down, show me the man that you were," She requests. "Before you decided to bloody your hands."

Graham stares at her. His gun lowers. "Justice?"

"Justice."

He throws the weapon down and grabs the cowering figure. "Then get the machine working-" He pulls the figure up to his feet and begins dragging him towards the gruesome-looking bed that Jack was on.

Jack helps Graham, their hands meeting as they restrain him. As soon as it's done, Jack reaches for Graham's hand, pulling it away and towards him. "I don't care how much you remember, and I don't care how long it takes-"

Graham frowns at him.

"-I'll stay with you until you at least smile at me."

The frown falls from his face.

"That's a start," Jack smiles at him. "And I'll take it."

Graham quirks an eyebrow at Jack before turning and focusing onto the Doctor. "Is it ready?" The Doctor nods after a moment. "Then do it, Doc."

"Then what?"

"We leave him in here, let him live with the fear of not knowing who he is," Graham snarls.

"Tied to the bed?" Jack looks at the Doctor. "That's signing his death warrant and if we're leaving him tied to the bed then we might as well shoot just him and call it a day, Doctor."

"No, we're not doing that, Jack," The Doctor shakes her head. "We'll leave a message for the authorities; they can shut this place down for good."

"Please don't do this-" The figure pleads. "-I can give you whatever I have, the money we made, just don't make me like him!"

The Doctor meets Graham's and Jack's eyes, and she sees the mirror in their eyes, hates that it's in hers as well.

A darkness, brewing under the surface, their hands interlinked in hate.

"You should've thought about that before you did it to my friend."

She pulls the switch and steps back, feet moving around the bed and coming to a stop on Graham's right side. She glances at the hand offered to her.

"Let us be the horror in his nightmares, Doc," Graham says, gesturing his hand. "Like he is the one in my mind."

The Doctor takes his hand, joining the three of them together in their pain and agony.

"At least the kids aren't here," Jack murmurs.

"The moral compasses," The Doctor states, voice just as quiet. "Graham wouldn't want us doing this."

"Graham would rather he kept his memories," Graham stares at the writhing figure on the bed, the light from the machine glows upon his face. "But the Graham you knew isn't here anymore."

"No," The Doctor looks to her right, eyes connecting against the alien face of her friend. "He isn't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dark!doctor, dark!jack, and dark!graham
> 
> also, excuse any mistakes I'm dyslexic (not a lie, 100% one) and i can't see anymore in the text because my brain doesn't want to play with me


	13. Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short one today after yesterday's giant one
> 
> also brain tired from work

She's the first to awaken out of the five of them, eyes snapping open the moment the ice-cold water touches her skin. "Wake up-" She screams as she scrambles away from the rapidly rising water. She turns and grabs at the nearest person, pulling them away and up onto the bed she found herself on.

"What-" Yaz blinks, confused for a second before snapping awake. The others jolt awake, and they soon follow her and the Doctor by getting on their own beds. Ryan by himself and Jack and Graham mirroring her and the Doctor. "Doctor-"

"Where the hell are we, Doc?" Graham's panicked voice speaks up. "We were on that planet, and now we're-" He rubs at his head. "-I dunno, my head is aching."

"No time for that now, Graham," Jack steps around him, his hand lingering on Graham as he goes. "Got the sonic, Doctor?" 

"Can't see an exit, Jack, and there's no time to use it."

"Shit."

Ryan yelps, leaping forward when a jet of freezing water slaps against him. His and the other's eyes snap around the room when more jets of water appear. "It's raising-"

"I know," The Doctor frets as she looks around. The water is up to their hips, and it's still filling up the room. "Ideas?"

"Doctor, I might have one," Jack calls out to her, dragging her focus back to him. "Look-"

The Doctor follows where Jack is pointing, and her eyes widen. "Two way-"

"Yup," Jack nods. He turns and stares at Graham, eyes locked against his, and he leans in, kissing him on the mouth. "Hold your breath-"

"Jack, what are you-"

"No time," Jack pushes himself from Graham. He takes a deep breath and soon disappears under the water.

"Jack-" Graham tries looking under the swirl, panicking when he doesn't see him at all. He looks up at Ryan, Yaz, and the Doctor, the latter ones floating rather than standing now and he soon joins them. "Doctor-"

"Deep breath, fam," The Doctor stares at each of them. "As deep as you can take it-"

"And then what?" Ryan yells over the rushing water.

"We trust Jack-"

"What?" Graham frowns at her. "I can't see him, though!"

"Deep breath, Graham-" The Doctor shouts. "Now!"

They each gasp a lungful of air at the last second before finding themselves being shoved under the rushing water.

The Doctor blinks through the surge, locating her friends and then Jack. His hand is swirling with blood as he punches against the window, cracking it ever so slowly.

Her hearts thump in her chest, they drum in her ears and if she's feeling the beginning stages of tightness in her chest then so are her friends.

She takes one look at Yaz, eyes catching the fear displayed across her face. Air bubbles leak from the corner of her mouth.

And as much as the Doctor doesn't want to leave her side, she has to. She pushes herself away and joins Jack. He doesn't look at her, too focused on the two-way mirror.

She reaches into her pocket and pulls out the sonic, joining it with Jack's fist, amplifying the soundwaves to increase the cracks within the mirror.

But Jack's fist stops dead, and she turns to him, spotting the bloodshot eyes and the blue lips. He held out for as long as he could, and he paid the price for that.

And if Jack is dead, then so will her friends, the ones who don't come back. She grabs at the ledge and kicks with her legs, all the while increasing the waves from her sonic until it explodes outwards, sending her through the now opened space along with everyone else.

There's coughing, three sets of it.  
  
"Jack-" A weak voice murmurs and then there's movement, wet clothes sloshing across the floor. Graham reaches Jack's lifeless body, and he pulls him upwards and into a hug.

"Is everything all right?" The Doctor questions them.

"Breathing," Ryan chokes. "But here-"

"Yaz?"

"Here, Doctor," Yaz wheezes.

"Graham?"

"Waiting for Jack to come back," Graham replies back in a whisper. "Hate this, always think he's not going to come back-"

The Doctor crawls over to them. She doesn't know what to offer Graham, the last time he held someone he loved; they died for good. She pats him on the arm instead before turning and heading over to Yaz and Ryan. She takes them in, drenched, shivering, but alive.

And so is Jack judging by the gasp of air behind her.

She exhales and flops down on the floor.

"Doctor," Yaz begins quietly. "What was that?"

"I'm not sure," The Doctor admits.

"Are we safe?"

The Doctor glances towards the door ahead of them.

Innocent by design.

If not for the camera above it.

"Rest up," The Doctor flicks her eyes towards Yaz. "Because I have a sneaking suspicion that that wasn't just it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, i watched kingsman, yes i took the scene from it
> 
> kingsman au


	14. Branding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: like this is branding, it's hella brutal
> 
> oh, and i never did say, but none of these really follow on from one another, it's just oneshots

"Place him on the bed, Jack," The Doctor orders in an authoritative tone. "Gently, we don't want to exacerbate him any more than we have to-"

Jack bites back on the sarcastic reply because no one needs that right now. He walks over to the medical bed as carefully as he can, and he gently lays Graham down. 

His arms ache, but being the strongest (and the one unwilling to let anyone else carry his partner), he volunteered to carry Graham from that rancid cell of burnt flesh.

"Jack-" Graham whimpered voice calls out. His voice is raw, and Jack knows why considering he heard the damn screams. "-all right?"

"Hey, shh," Jack is there in an instant, his eyes meet the terrified ones of Ryan and the horror-stricken ones of Yaz. "I'm here, so is Ryan, and Yaz, and the Doctor, you'll be fine in no time-" 

"Not me, you, them-" Graham's eyes close, and Jack spots the tears leaking from them. He leans in, grabbing Graham's slack hand. "Oh, god it hurts-"

Jack tries his best to ignore the burnt smell coming from his chest. "Doctor, do you have anything for him?"

The Doctor shoves Ryan aside without a care. The lad is too shocked even to notice the push; his body just hits the wall with a thud. "Yes," She moves Graham's head to the side and injects a blue substance into his neck. "That will help him, it'll numb the pain, not get rid of it, but it'll lower it to something hopefully manageable."

"What is it, Doctor?"

"Something that I wouldn't ever normally give to you humans, but in this case, I'll make an exception," The Doctor answers as she moves onto the next part. "Jack-"

"Yeah?"

"Help me remove the shirt from him," The Doctor glances up and meets his eyes. "Can't treat it until the remnants from the shirt are gone, his chest needs to heal from the burn, and it can't happen with the shirt there."

Jack swallows, and begrudgingly takes his eyes from Graham's sweat covered face and locks them against his chest.

His currently inflamed and burnt chest.

Jack fingernails dig into his palm at the sight of the sigil. "I should go back and kill them for what they did," He spits in fury. "He did nothing wrong! He stepped in to stop them hurting a lad who simply spoke out against them, that was it, and they branded him for it!"

The Doctor stares back at Jack. "And I might just let you do that," She snaps back with anger. Livid, enraged, repressed emotion freely falling from her. "But we need to help Graham while he has the organic equivalent of coolant in him."

"Wait, you injected-"

"No," The Doctor doesn't even look at Yaz as she cuts her off. "It's okay for humans, wouldn't ever give you something that could kill you, but the downside is that it's addicting in large quantities, he'll have a hell of a comedown from this, but I didn't have a choice, and the dosage I've given him shouldn't hinder him too much-"

"It's fine," Jack cuts her off. "I'll be there for him, through whatever it is."

The Doctor nods at that before dragging her eyes back to Graham's chest. "Can you do me a favour, Yaz?"

"Yes?"

"Take Ryan out."

"But-"

The Doctor finally looks at her, and her face says it all. Rage, fear, disgust, worry. "He doesn't need to see what we're about to do and neither do you, the longer you hang around, the longer it takes for me to treat Graham," Yaz blinks and gives the bearest of nods. Ryan offers no resistance as he's lead out by her. "I don't even want you here, Jack, but I know you won't leave, and I do need another pair of hands to help me."

"You're right about that," Jack stands to his full height as he places Graham's hand back at his side. "We need to separate the shirt from his chest first, then, as you said, but, Doctor," Jack stares at the brand. "Can it be healed?"

"Would it help if I lie?"

Jack's hand clench on the bed frame. "He didn't do anything, Doctor, he was just trying to-"

"That's not important now," The Doctor interjects. She turns and grabs at the tools the TARDIS helpfully summoned for her when she conjured the medical bay. "And believe me, Jack, they will not get away with this, but Graham is our first priority."

"I know you mean that," Jack concludes quickly. "Just bring me along when you do regardless of anything, I want them to pay-"

"Stop," Graham weakly murmurs. "Don't-"

"Shh," Jack zones in on Graham in an instant. "Can't we knock him out, Doctor?"

"No," The Doctor shakes her head. "His body is in such a state of shock that I don't want to risk it at all."

"Don't kill... them," Graham presses on through his groans. "Don't want you... killing things... 'cos of me."

"We won't do anything you don't want us to do."

"We need to start, Jack," The Doctor brings her surgical tools over. "Graham, what can you feel?"

"Hot."

"Just hot?" 

Graham groans in response, legs wriggling at the end of the bed.

"Pain?"

Graham mumbles an affirmative. His eyes remain screwed shut, tears leaking, shaking hands pressing down against them when the Doctor begins peeling away the charred remains of his light blue shirt.

"This is agony for him, Doctor," Jack points out. "I thought you said that that stuff would help him? It's not doing anything!"

"It is helping," The Doctor stops. "If I give him more, Jack, he'll become addicted, at this moment it's numbing the pain, but-"

"It's not numbing it enough," Jack cuts her off. "We either knock him out, but you said we couldn't, the only other option is to increase the dose."

"You're deciding for Graham-"

"Just do it, Doctor," Jack interjects in a hurried tone. "Because what you're doing is torturing him right now, anything else we can deal with later!"

"Left cupboard, above," The Doctor reluctantly answers for Jack. "You can't miss it."

He wastes no time in rushing to said cupboard. He pulls out everything, eyes searching for the bright blue liquid and finding the bottle quickly. "How much?"

"If you don't want him to feel anything then all of it," The Doctor levels a look at Jack. "He won't be here to know what we're doing."

Jack weighs the options, eyes flicking around before finally coming to land on Graham's body. "Graham-" He walks forward. "-can you answer something-"

"I know," Graham murmurs, eyes opening slowly. "You want.. to use that.. regardless of what-" He sucks in a breath, groaning with it. "-will happen to me-"

"Only if you give us the go-ahead-"

Graham takes a moment to think. "Do it, please-" He begs in a low voice. "It hurts-"

"Graham, are you aware of the consequences?"

Graham whimpers, hands pulling at his sweat-soaked hair in desperation. His legs clench on the sheet as he cries.

And that's all the Doctor needs as she reaches for the bottle, pulling it from Jack's hand. It's not long until she has it fitted to Graham via IV. She can hardly look at him.

"How bad will it be?" Jack asks her.

"The healing process? It'll take as long as it-"

"No, the addiction," Jack clarifies. The Doctor doesn't answer, not that she needed to. "That bad?" He speaks to her, knowing she won't respond. He sighs and moves his eyes to Graham's face, fading relief that it's relaxed for the first time in hours. "I'll stay with you," He promises. "No matter what the reaction is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ps, there might be a follow up to this one
> 
> :)


	15. Science Gone Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you ever played a fallout game, i shan't name the one, then you'll go
> 
> oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh

"Graham, son, come on, you can do this," Graham mutters to himself for motivation. "It's just a creepy space station with a missing populace, and you're on your larry lonesome with a barely working torch and a stomach rumbling like it's never ever been-"

Now, two things happen at once.

The Doctor learned that grabbing someone, when they're already scared and in a dark corridor, is a bad idea because it often means you will get punched.

And Graham learned that he can still scream at such a high octave that if there were a glass panel looking out into space he's pretty sure it would be broken right now, and they would currently be re-enacting their first-ever adventure together.

"I'll admit," The Doctor rubs at her face. "You have a good right hook on you, Graham-"

"Oh my god, Doc," Graham, as soon as his shock and panic lowers, feels an intense wave of guilt wash across him. "Why'd you grab me for?" He all but barks at her as he steps closer to shine the useless torch at her face. "I'm sorry-"

The Doctor bats his hands away from her face with a frown. "I'm fine, Graham, no need to mother hen me-"

"Your nose is bleeding you daft alien, god, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to lash out, but I was scared, and then you grabbed me, and I panicked, and I didn't know it was-"

"Graham," The Doctor gives him a brief smile. "I shouldn't have grabbed you." She reaches into her coat pocket and takes out a small pot. "Remember this?"

Graham squints at the pot through the darkness. "Is that that healing cream I had to heal that- nevermind what it was, it's the same stuff, right?"

"Got it in one, Graham, lad-"

"Lad?" Graham's brows furrow in confusion. "Doc, I'm sixty years old-"

"Still a lad to me," The Doctor pats him on the arm. "Oh, I've been learning about this station, by the way, Graham, built by a one Mr Richards, rich, you know the type, found out some fascinating bits of information."

"Uh-huh, I'm sure that sounds greats and all," Graham shakes his head. "Anyway, have you seen the others, I lost them-"

The Doctor makes a sentence; only Graham can't figure out what on Earth, or in this case, what on this space station did she just say.

"Yeah, no, repeat that when you stop putting cream all over your nose."

The Doctor rolls her eyes at him. "I said, or did they lose you."

"What does that mean?" Graham folds his arms across his chest.

"You do wander off-"

"I do not wander off!" Graham counters with a glare. "I'm looking at something, then bam, next thing I know you lot have buggered off somewhere-" He broods.

The Doctor decides this argument isn't worth it right now. "To answer your question, Graham, no, I haven't seen them, I thought they were with you."

"Well, they were," Graham admits sheepishly. "Then I needed to take a bathroom break and went looking for one-"

"Alone?"

"I followed the signs to one," Graham explains with a shrug. "They were gonna wait for me in the café area thing, but when I got back there, they were all gone so I've been wandering around looking for them."

"And you haven't found them?" Graham turns in a circle and makes a motion of looking around. "What are you doing, Graham?"

"Well, you never know, Doc, I thought that they might be around here and I just didn't think to- of course, I never bloody found them 'cos if I did find them they would currently be here, but they aren't, so no, I did not find them."

The Doctor blinks in the low light of the torch. "Did I ever say you remind me of someone I once knew?"

"No," Graham frowns at her. "If you say it's some tosser from history I won't be happy."

"No, no, not at all," The Doctor has a small, but sad smile on her face. "She was my best mate, I think you and her would've got on well, she liked the Spanners-"

"Hammers."

"That's what I said," The Doctor turns around from him. "Anyway, she loved them, went to the games with her grandad."

"Loved? Doc, I'm sorry, but is she-"

"Nah, not our Donna, but we stopped travelling, you know," The Doctor turns and faces him again, faux smile plastered across her face. She shrugs. "People go their separate ways in the end."

Graham watches her as she passes him with a concerned look aimed at her back. He's lost friends over the years from going their separate ways, but they still manage to throw a 'Happy Birthday' or 'Happy New Year' on occasion.

But the way she spoke about this Donna, it makes it seem like it's more than them just going their separate ways.

And Graham really hopes it is because he doesn't want their friendship to end with her just leaving one day and never returning at all.

He sighs and stomps after her, inching closer when the useless torch dims ever further.

"Doc, no offence, but I ain't gonna be able to see soon," Graham confesses, fear touching his voice and making it wobble. "And I think we've been all around the station; we would've found them by now-"

The Doctor turns and faces Graham. "Pass me the torch-" He hands it over without fuss and the Doctor hums at it.

"What are you doing?"

The Doctor pokes her tongue out of her mouth as she shoves the torch back into Graham's chest. "Hold it-"

"Doc-"

"Just hold it," The Doctor pulls out her sonic and points it at the torch. "Going to see if I can boost the light from- huh, that's odd-" She pulls the sonic away and stares at it with her nose scrunched up. "-well, it shouldn't be doing that at all, but the data does fit with what I found out."

"What shouldn't be doing what?"

"Graham, get your phone out-"

"Doc, why do you need my phone for?"

"Just do it, please," The Doctor snatches the torch away to fiddle with it. "Check the battery for me-"

"I don't see the point in this," Graham murmurs as he follows the command. "I had it on charge when we left so it should still be pretty full."

"Is it?" The Doctor glances at him.

"Um," Graham fumbles for the button on the side, missing it the first thing times in the suffocating darkness. "Hey, Doc, it ain't turning on-" He turns it around and shows it to her. "Like, at all, oh man, I only just upgraded as well-" He misses the look on the Doctor's face, eyes suddenly widened and lit in an eerie blue light. "-if they gave me a damaged one I'm gonna be so mad about it."

"Graham," The Doctor reaches for his hand, pulling him closer to her. "Get behind me, all right?"

"What?" Graham finally looks up, and he spots the blue light. "Where is that-"

The Doctor yanks him behind her, pushing him backwards with her as she goes. Graham is baffled, and he looks to where she's looking, eyes trying their best to make out the lights approaching them. "What is that?"

The Doctor swallows thickly, and for once, she envies how human's see.

Because what she sees is three people, distinctly human, shadowed, but unmistakable. Blue shining veins are running under the skin. "Right," The Doctor stands to her full height. "You three can stop right there-"

She doesn't get an answer.

Because, of course, she wouldn't get an answer.

"I mean it," The Doctor points at them. "Stay right there or I'll-"

"Oh, you'll do what, Doctor?"

"Wait," Graham's head snaps up at that question, his eyes zoning in on the lights that spoke. "I know that voice-"

"Graham O'Brien," The voice purrs his name. "We were looking for you-"

"Doctor," Graham whispers into her ear. "That can't be Jack, can it?"

The Doctor shoves Graham back again. "At the moment, I don't know-" She takes a step forward. "I take it you're responsible for the power problems-"

The air hangs quiet, void of voices.

"Not so talkative now, are you."

"Not when I don't need to be."

The Doctor flicks her eyes towards the figure with Yaz's voice. "You said I, but there are three of you."

"Not three of us," Ryan's voice says this time. "Just me."

"Ryan!" 

Graham steps forward much to the Doctor's dislike and frustration. She latches her hand in his jacket and yanks him back. "Not Ryan, not Jack, not Yaz-"

"But-"

"Let me handle this, Graham," The Doctor pushes him behind her again, for more forceful than she required, but she needs to make him see sense. She turns and faces the three figures again. "So, who are you, then? Because I have a sneaking suspicion, I know, but I don't want to throw all my eggs into one basket."

"I am the station," Jack answers for her, face twisted in pain like he's trying to fight the control. The Doctor's eyes flick to Ryan and Yaz whose faces remain neutral, relaxed. Jack must've had experience in this sort of thing.

"You still haven't answered my question about the power problems-"

"Because I don't need to," Yaz states. "Why would I?"

"If you were the station surely you'd want to keep yourself powered-"

"Oh, but I am powered, Doctor," Ryan steps forward just as the lights flicker on, causing both the Doctor and Graham to wince from the sudden brightness.

The moment their eyes adjust, they stare at their friends, and then behind them, eyes widening in horror.

"Doc, what the hell is that behind them?!" Graham points down the corridor at a hugely disfigured creature ambling down it. It's dark in colour with cables and lights running over it's torn skin, the eyes glow the same blue as Jack, Ryan, and Yaz do.

The Doctor aims her sonic there, scanning it as quick as she can. "It's-" She reads the date with abject horror. "It's a human."

Graham stares at the figure. "That don't look like a human to me," He points out, stepping back slightly. "Are you sure?"

"She's quite positive, Graham," Jack smiles and saunters forward. "Come, I'll show you-" He extends a hand out towards Graham, beckoning him forward.

"That's not Jack, Graham-"

"No offence, Doc, but I ain't stupid; I can bloody see that that ain't Jack-"

Jack snarls at him. "Stupid human," He spits. "You know I can see in all of their heads, read them thoroughly, consume them-" His eyes lock against Graham's. "-he's just using you, they left you behind because you slow them down-"

Ryan laughs, it's unnatural and not him. "Ryan doesn't need you either; why would he? You're not his family-"

Graham seethes behind the Doctor. "That ain't them; I know it ain't-"

"They leave you behind," Yaz adds with glee. "Even the Doctor does-"

Jack walks closer, but this time the pain is back on his face, and his movements are stiff. "I was going to consume you as well, humans lead such varied lives, but what have you done in yours? Jack, he's seen the universe, lived it, and the pain Ryan and Yaz have gone through is delicious, but you, nothing but a waste of skin like the others unworthy of my greatness-"

Graham falters under their gaze, hands clenching at his sides. "That's not true," He stares at them. "Doc, how do we stop this?"

The Doctor flicks her eyes around, weighing every opportunity in her mind. She grabs Graham's hand, skin to skin contact. 'Run,' She all just screams in his head as she drags him down the corridor and towards where the TARDIS landed.

They spot the ship in the distance and begin legging it towards her, heads snapping to the lights when the corridor flashes to life. It pulses, side doors slamming shut as the system speeds up the activation.

"It's not far-" The Doctor cuts herself off as she skids to a halt just as the door between them and the TARDIS slams shut. She yanks out her sonic again, fighting against the very system that controls this place, but she's better than he could ever be. "Come on-"

"Doc-" Graham looks behind himself, spotting the three people approaching him. "-you gotta get that door open!"

"I know, Graham," The Doctor snaps. "Working on it-"

But it's hard, and it's a fight, one she's only barely winning even if she knows she's better than he is. She calls out when the door finally opens, and she pulls herself and Graham through just as it slams shut again.

"TARDIS, now!"

Graham allows himself to be dragged again, his eyes meeting Jack's once more and for a moment he's convinced he sees the man he's grown to love flash back at him.

"You can save them, Doc?" Graham faces her. "Please tell me you can save them!"

The Doctor runs around the console, hitting switches and levers as she goes. "Possibly, I mean, yes, I can," She doesn't look at Graham. "Have an idea, should be able to do it, not got time to explain-"

"Just do it, whatever it is, do it 'cos that's my family out there, Doc, and I can't lose them at all-" Graham gestures towards the doors. He stumbles when the TARDIS takes flight, steadying himself just as she slams down again.

"Come with me; I need you for something, glad I found you as you and not them, that was a surprise, didn't know he could do that-"

"What is going on?" Graham throws at her back as he storms after her. "Bloody answer me, Doctor!"

"No time," The Doctor doesn't argue with him because if Graham is one thing, he's a stubborn bastard, and usually, she'll empathise with that, but on this occasion, she'd wish he would just listen. "Just come with me." The Doctor instructs as she leads him out of the TARDIS and into a room lit with only a screen, giant and blue.

And with a face upon it, one currently sneering down at them.

"Ah-" The Doctor raises a hand. "-don't have to say it, I know I am brilliant, aren't I brilliant, Graham? I bloody knew it!"

Graham frowns at her back. "What are you doing?"

"Telling the station that I am brilliant," The Doctor places her hands on her hips. "I mean it was obvious after you turned the lights on and slammed the doors in our faces that you still have power, power that you were saving for yourself, very selfish, very human."

The Doctor begins placing in front of the giant screen, a finger coming upwards, indicating for the station to remain quiet while she continues her speech.

"Oh! And the reason I am brilliant is that when I was fighting with you in regards to the door, and all the other little bits, I got a little look into how you run with my tiny old sonic, handy device, very annoying for computers and things like computers, which you are-" She peers up at the face, seeing it in a new light. "Where are you kept? Has to be a place with life support."

Graham blinks in confusion that that, his eyes flick to the computer.

"Because if you were an AI you wouldn't have been so cruel to my mate Graham because only a human can be as cruel as that," She stops and stares up at the screen. "And you are a human-"

"Doc, that's a-"

"Very perceptive of you, Doctor," The screen speaks at her. "But you don't have whittle on."

The Doctor does a little bow for the theatrics. "I try my best, it's what got me expelled from school for the fourth or was it the fifth time, I always- wait, not important," She smiles at the face, manic, but angry. "Let my friends go, let every other human you have here go for good measure as well, and I won't stop you."

"They are mine," The face snarls with human emotion. "I own them, paid for them to be here, consumed them when they let me down-"

"I was afraid you would say that," The Doctor leans back on her heels. "Graham, are you any good at computers?"

"Uh," Graham baulks at the idea. "I can set the record for _Call the Midwife_ , but that's about it-"

"Good enough," The Doctor grabs Graham by the hand, pulling him along again. She stops for a brief moment and looks back at the screen. "Don't go anywhere- well, not that you can, so just stay put."

Graham stares at the Doctor in one part bewilderment and one part anger. "What are you doing?" He snaps. "My family is out there, they could be dead, and you're here goading the bloody station-"

"No, Graham, not the station," The Doctor runs with him down the winding corridor. "He really didn't expect people to get this far-"

"Who are you talking about?!"

"The man in charge of this entire station, Graham," The Doctor finally explains. "You'll see-"

She leads them towards a door far down the corridor.

"As I mentioned, I was doing a little digging off my own while I was alone," The Doctor speaks as she taps away on a terminal within the wall. "Figured out some things, never expected for Ryan, Jack, and Yaz, to be taken over, that was unexpected, unplanned."

"Get on with it, Doc."

The Doctor walks through the door with Graham at her heels. She gestures outwards. "Graham, meet a one Mr Evan Richards, you wouldn't know him, he's far in your future, but you know men like him."

Graham stares at the figure, strewn up like a scarecrow, tubes and wires sticking out from his flesh. "Is he all right?"

"Oh," The Doctor looks at Graham. "You're a good human, Graham."

"What?" Graham blinks at her. "How do you mean?"

"You saw a man in what looks to be pain and asked if he was all right," The Doctor explains. "But Mr Richards is fine, he's perfectly happy like this-" Graham's brows crease further. "-shall we speak to him?"

"But-"

The Doctor doesn't wait for Graham. She walks forward and taps a command at one of the two terminals. Lights flicker on while the ones under the devoured flesh of Mr Richards pulsate.

"You.. how.."

"I'm very good at computers, Evan," The Doctor cuts him off. "Better than you are, a lot better, it was simply a matter of connecting the dots."

"I.. can.. still.. kill your.. friends.. Doctor," Mr Richards wheezes at her.

"No, no, you can't," The Doctor cuts him off. "That takes time," She steps back and looks his ruined body over. "I know your type, if you could've killed them when you could you would've done it already, I'm not sure what you have done, but I believe I know how to stop it." She turns to Graham next. "This is where you come in, Graham."

"Me?"

"I need two pairs of hands for this," The Doctor leads Graham to another terminal. "Evan here, smart man, very clever, put in a failsafe that needs two people," Her eyes dart back to the body. "The chances of two people making it this far, well, it would've been hard-"

"What do you need me to do?"

The Doctor pulls out a piece of paper. "Type this number in while I type mine in," She hands it over and makes her way over to her own terminal. "But Graham-"

"What?"

"There's a-" Her eyes meet his. "-What we need to do is-"

"She.. needs to.. stop.. me," Mr Richards speaks slowly, voice grating. "To free your.. friends, to get the.. station.. out from.. my.. control."

"Get on with it," Graham snaps at him.

"You have.. to.. kill me."

Graham looks at the Doctor. "No," He shakes his head. "You said we don't kill things, Doc-"

"Morals.. useless.. you truly.. are a waste.. of skin.."

The Doctor matches Graham's expression with her own. "Not kill, Graham," She states. "You did it before with Tzim-Sha, this time it'll be no different-"

"I locked that blue bastard in a stasis chamber, this is slightly different, Doc," He gestures at the machine keeping Mr Richards alive. "I can name all the differences right now."

"Not different, Graham," The Doctor shakes her head. "We'll be locking Mr Richards out from the station; he'll stay here, locked away for eternity-"

"NO!" Mr Richards. "You.. can't.."

"Graham," The Doctor stares at him. "It's killing him or this, there isn't a third option-"

Graham looks between the Doctor and the emancipated body. "Do it, Doc, I'm with you."

"Good."

"You're.. monsters.. worse than.. me," Evan wheezes as they type the password into the terminals. "Killing.. would.. be.. kinder.." His sentence trails off towards the end just as the Doctor and Graham finish, their eyes meet, and they seal the fate of Mr Richards.

Graham looks at the body. "Is he alive then?"

"He is."

"And he's stuck like that?"

"Yes."

Graham looks down at the floor. "It would've been kinder to kill him," He glances towards the Doctor. "And it would've been kinder to kill Tzim-Sha as well."

"Come on, Graham," The Doctor turns and walks away from the scene. "Let's get the others and get out of here."

Graham watches her leave before turning back to face the man stuck forever in a room with nothing, no hope for rescue, no chance for death.

"I never thought about it," He whispers as his mind is dragged back to what he and Ryan did. "About what I did to Tzim-Sha, I really thought it was the merciful thing to do, but it wasn't and the Doc, she-" He looks down. "She praised me for it."

He turns and stares at the Doctor as she makes her way down the corridor. "Be the better man, Graham," He repeats. "Find a different way to torture."


	16. Hallucinations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is for you torchwood fans <3

There are many things wrong with the world under Jack's feet right now. It tumbles from him, spins like a roulette wheel. Everything is blurry. His ears ring.

And he really doesn't like it at all, not one bit.

Oh, he is not having a good time right about now! Maybe if he sits down, catch his bearings and all that, but the moment he does, he feels himself dragged back up again.

"I want to sit-"

"Can't do that, Jack," A voice says above him, Welsh, definitely Welsh. "You're not making this easy for us if you keep sitting down-"

Jack huffs and pouts as he looks up blinking at the face of-

Who is that face?

They're young. He squints at the face, trying his hardest to figure them out.

Ah, she, that much he can make out, long dark brown hair, big eyes, kind face-

"Ooooh," Jack smiles at her. "Gwen Cooper!" Gwen instantly looks baffled by the name thrown at her. "How is Rhys? Does he miss me? Our last meeting, there was a lot of homoerotic tension-"

"What on Earth is he chatting on about?" Jack looks at the voice and spots Owen staring down at him in confusion. "Jack that ain't this Gwen it's-"

"Owen," Jack grins at him. "Ran into any more bodies of water yet?" He questions with a wink. "Tell me if you do, I'll get the camera ready like I said I would."

"Doctor," Gwen looks past Owen and locks her eyes onto a figure ahead, someone else Jack knows all too well.

"Toshiko Sato," Jack locks his eyes against her face. "You're all here, but someone is missing-" He looks around, puzzled. "Where is Ianto?"

Tosh walks forwards, and she kneels down to his level. "Jack we need to leave now-"

"No," Jack shakes his head. "Where is Ianto? Is he all right?"

"Who is Ianto?" Owen asks, eyes flicking to Gwen.

And Jack can't help but frown at that. "You know Ianto; he makes excellent coffee, keeps us all going-"

Tosh's face changes in an instant, her eyes flick to Gwen and then to Owen. "Ryan, get Graham-"

"What?"

"Just do it," Tosh barks at him before she turns her attention back to Jack again. "You breathed in something nasty, messed with your head, Jack-"

Jack snorts at that. "Breathed in a lot of nasty stuff, Tosh."

Tosh forces a chuckle at that before she flicks her eyes up at Gwen. "I'll explain later, Yaz-" Jack frowns at that, he's not sure why Tosh called them Ryan and Yaz, or who this Graham is. "-I know the names Gwen and Ianto-"

"You do?" Gwen probes as she steps back, her eyes darting towards Tosh. "Who are they?"

"It's a long story," Tosh murmurs. "And not mine to tell-"

Jack grows confused at their conversation. He stares at them, eyes blinking and for a moment he's sure he spots a flash of blonde hair on Tosh and a spot of darker skin on Gwen, but it's gone just as fast as it arrived.

"Where's Owen gone?" Jack questions as he looks at Tosh. "You always know where Owen is, I've seen you looking-"

Tosh gently rests a hand on his arm. "He's gone to get Ianto, remember? You asked for him-" Jack nods at that. "-and look, they're coming now-"

Jack lazily turns around, limbs moving far more slowly than he's used to. He looks at the two figures, smiles at them as they approach. "Ianto-"

Ianto freezes dead in his tracks, eyes shooting up to Tosh. Jack misses the exchange of expressions between them.

"What are you just standing there for? Come here-"

Tosh sidesteps Jack, inching around to take Ianto by his hand. Their eyes meet, and a look of understanding and worry appears on Ianto's face.

"Do you know that name as well, Graham?"

Jack's brows furrow, why do they keep calling themselves different names? He shakes his head and focuses back onto the face of Ianto while Ianto looks towards Gwen and the others. "He mentions him in his sleep, we never speak about Grace-" Jack was pretty sure she was called Lisa, but maybe she was Grace. "-or Ianto much-" Why is he referring to himself? "-I know it hurts for him, like he knows how much it hurts for me," Ianto looks back towards Jack again, and he slowly approaches. "Hey, Jack-"

"Ianto," Jack smiles up at him. "Missed you."

"Yeah," Ianto looks away briefly. "You still remember me-"

"Course I do," Jack slurs his words. "Why wouldn't I remember you?"

Ianto smiles, but it's forced on his face. "Silly question, I know," He reaches for Jack's hand. "You know none of this was your fault, no matter how much you think it was-"

"What?"

"It's not your fault," Ianto reassures Jack. "Never was, you couldn't stop what happened, to any of them-"

"Graham, what are you talking about?"

"Not now, Ryan," Ianto briefly shoots a look at Owen. "Just- just let me talk to him, all right?"

Jack frowns as he looks between them, he shakes his head again when the beginning stages of thoughts about how this doesn't feel right start. Owen blurs at the edges of his vision, the same applies for Gwen and Tosh, it's like they're changing in front of him. A grey coat, an orange beanie, space buns-

He stares back at Ianto who remains the same, like his brain is putting all the focus on his face, removing it from the others. "Will you stay with me, Ianto?"

"Yeah, course, mate, you can't get rid of me."

That's wrong, that Welsh accent isn't there, it's a morph between two, but he looks like him, so he must be him. "Stay with me, stay with me, please," Jack pushed himself from the ground and towards Ianto. "I can't-"

"Graham?" Tosh stares down at Ianto. "You know you're not-"

"I know, Doc, I know I'm not," Ianto says. "But he thinks I am and for the moment it's kinder to go along with it."

"I never said before," Jack mutters as his strength begins to leave him. "You said it, but I never did, couldn't say it back to you-"

"I know,"

"No, you don't," Jack shakes his head as he takes Ianto's face. "It's all my fault."

"Nah, it's not," Ianto shakes his head. "Don't blame yourself, he- I wouldn't want you to-"

"Don't go-"

"Hey," Ianto grabs Jack's face, forcing him to look at him and Jack can't help but frown at Ianto's hair, greying now, his lined face. 

"Don't leave me-" He slurs.

"I won't," Ianto promises as he leans forward, capturing Jack's mouth in a kiss that doesn't feel the same as what he knows. It's different. "I'll never leave you 'cos I'll be there, always, in your memory."

Jack slips away after that; he stares up at Ianto's face, tears leak from the corner of his eyes. "I love you."

And then he feels nothing but hands pulling him tight, hugging him as he falls into sleep.

"Ianto loved you as well, mate," The man, not Ianto, different now, older, says above him. "He always did."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, jack was seeing the fam as the team
> 
> i have an idea later on for a follow up to this btw


	17. Dirty Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some light fluff because one, i'm tired from work, and two, they need some light fluff

Graham jumps the moment a bag of marshmallows lands in his lap with a sudden thud. He frowns down at the offending fluffy white goods. "To cheer you up and get you out of that sour mood, Graham," Jack sits down on the log that Graham is currently occupying. "You've done nothing but sit by the fire with a face on, we're sposed to be enjoying ourselves here."

"I'd rather be enjoying cocktails on a sunlounger-"

"Yeah, and the last time you picked somewhere we ended up in trouble," Ryan reminds them all with a look. "You're not picking anything, ever."

"I hate camping though," Graham grumbles as he opens the bag. "It's cold and wet; there are strange noises from the woods. Why couldn't I just stay in my room?" 

Jack shuffles himself closer towards Graham; he snatches the blanket draped across his shoulders and lays it over both of their shoulders before hugging the younger man. "Last time I went camping, some Welsh cannibals nearly ate my team and me-" He senses a sudden silence over the other three humans. "-what?"

"Please tell me that that was like on a different planet called Wales, 'cos if it's Earth I am never going to Wales, like ever-" Ryan shudders. "I like my body the way it is and not in a stew."

Yaz shakes her head before looking towards Graham. "There's nothing strange here, Graham," She reassures as she slides into one of the free seats next to the fire, hands pointing out and warming up from it. "Seeing that it's the TARDIS."

Ryan glances to her. "Any luck with her?"

Yaz shakes her head and looks into the fire. "She said she had some work she needed to do on the console."

"Lie," Jack states as he jams his hand into the bag, stealing marshmallows from Graham with a wink.

"Oi," Graham frowns at Jack who only shoves them in his mouth with a shrug. He rolls his eyes and turns towards Ryan. "You got any skewers, son?"

"Here," Ryan hands one over to Graham. "And gramps, Jack might've given them to you but you ain't eating the entire bag to yourself, give some here."

"But Jack threw it in my lap-"

"Not so you could eat them all," Jack points out. "Sharing is caring-"

"I'll give you caring, Jack-" Graham swivels his body to prod Jack in the side.

Yaz shakes her head and settles herself back into the seat, eyes watching the fire while the boys squabble about who gets what.

"Yaz?"

"Hmm?" Yaz blinks, gaze looking up to Jack who's holding the bag and a stick out to her. She reaches forward and accepts them half-heartedly.

"Still thinking about her?" Ryan asks, skewer and shoulders dropping slightly. "You try to distract yourself and you just can't, not when someone is like that, I get it, but you can't focus on someone who doesn't want to speak, Yaz."

Graham flicks his eyes to Ryan, hands twisting on the skewer, all motivation to eat gone from him. "She'll tell us when she's ready."

"Will she, Graham?" Yaz asks, not aggressive, but with frustration. "Because she's not saying anything right now."

Graham looks away. "Should we go back?"

"What?"

"Cos I guess I do feel kinda bad for leaving her alone-"

"Graham," Jack sighs as he stares into the fire. "She had a long time in that prison, and if she wants to keep what happened there secret, then it's her dirty little secret."

"Oi, you two," Ryan says, suddenly. He picks up two marshmallows from his lap and throws them at Graham and Jack. "We're meant to be getting away from all this, and you two are dragging the mood right down."

Graham chuckles before picking the marshmallow and lobbing it back at Ryan, hitting him square in the chest and leaving a powdered mark. "Fair enough, son." He looks at Jack and smiles. "It's two on one if we both throw them back, love."

Yaz can't help the smile that flicks onto her face. "Ain't you a bit too old to be throwing food around, Graham?"

"He started it-"

"And I'm, what is it, Graham? I dunno, something like forty years younger than you."

Graham narrows his eyes at Ryan. He leans towards his right, picks up the stick they were using to prod at the fire. He pokes at it, distracting himself somewhat. "What do you want to talk about then if you don't want to talk about that?"

"How about Bella?" Yaz teases with a wiggle of her brows at Ryan/

"How about your sister?" Ryan fires back, eyes flashing dangerously at her as he sticks up his middle finger. "All you have to do is give me her-"

"Alright, kids," Graham interjects, hands coming up and slapping against his knees. "How about I tell you a story before this ends in tears?"

"What's it about?"

"I dunno,"

"Brilliant, Graham, ten out of ten-"

"I never got that far yet, son," Graham protests with indignation. "Better than talking about your crushes anyway-"

"My crushes?"

"Yeah," Graham smirks. "Like a fish out of water."

"Oh, and you were better?"

Graham crosses his arms and grins smugly at his grandson. "For a matter of fact, yes I was."

"Was being the key part to that then-" Ryan mumbles under his breath for them all to hear.

"Oh, believe me, Ryan," Jack grins devilishly at the younger man. "He's still good, got a lot of stamina-"

Graham flushes a deep red, and he aims his eyes at the fire, unwilling to look into Ryan's eyes as the lad chokes on the marshmallow in his mouth. 

Yaz can't help but laugh. "That got you back for talking about my sister-"

"That's your sister," Ryan yells. "But that's Graham, oh man, now I'm gonna be worrying about stuff going on when I'm-"

"We don't," Graham mumbles quietly as he slowly looks up with a sorta smile on his face. "As I said, I was a bit of a heartthrob back in the day."

Yaz glances between the two before focusing on Graham. "Go on then."

"What?"

"Tell us," Yaz continues. "I want to know."

Graham looks at them both, brows creasing in thought. "I met someone once. There."

Ryan's eyebrows raise, and he purses his lips at Graham. "No offence, but that was rubbish."

"We had a good time together, and that was it."

Yaz leans forward, head resting on her hand. "When did you meet them?"

Graham faces Yaz, eyebrows knitting together in thought. "1985, summer, Blackpool, I was twenty-five, she was twenty-seven."

"That's precise," Yaz says.

"Yeah," Graham smiles, eyes flicking to the fire as he prods at it, sending embers and cinders into the sky. "It was."

"My first boyfriend was Danny Biswas,"

"And I stand by what I said before," Ryan points at Yaz with the skewer. "Even if it does accidentally pay you a compliment."

"Who's Danny?"

"An idiot-"

"Oi, if your nan caught you saying that about people she'd have your hide."

"No, Graham, for once Ryan is right about this, he was an idiot of the highest order."

"Fair enough then," Graham says. "Met a few idiots in my time as well, so I understand."

"1910," Jack says, surprising them all. "Gorgeous bloke, nice ass," He smiles fondly. "Then there was the roaring 20s, good time if you take away the great depression."

"I keep forgetting that you're like old," Ryan frowns at Jack. "Did you meet anyone famous that we would know?"

Jack leans into Graham, breathing in the warm scent of his jacket tinged with smoke. "Met quite a few famous people, bedded a few as well-"

  
"Like who?"

Jack shakes his head before he settles it against Graham's shoulder. "That's my dirty little secret, and it's between me and them."

"My girl was called Helen," Graham reveals. "We dated for a bit, but uh-" He shrugs his shoulders lightly, careful not to jostle Jack. "-never lasted."

"How come?" Yaz probes as she leans forward.

"She wanted a, uh, family," Graham decides on. "I didn't, went our separate ways, still stayed in contact-"

"So, you never wanted kids?"

Graham turns his eyes towards the fire. "No, not really, there were reasons for it, though."

"Like what?" Ryan asks this time. "You were eager to have me call you granddad."

Graham glances up at Ryan. "Scared, I 'spose-"

"What for?"

"Long story, not nice, involves my dad," Graham briefly explains. "Scared I'd be like he was, didn't want that for them, so never had them then life kinda passed me by and it was too late then."

Yaz shares a glance with Ryan, something that Jack spots. "Why don't we talk about something else, yeah?" He requests as he squeezes Graham's hand in support. "Because I think between Ryan, Graham, and myself here, we could spend the next week talking about our dads, or in my case, my brother, and no one would enjoy that, would they?"

"Nah, they wouldn't," Ryan agrees. He looks back towards Graham and nods. "One thing though, your dad, is he like mine?"

Graham frowns. "Uh, I 'spose so, times were different, but yeah, he was," He snorts. "Anyway, Jack is right, we're meant to be enjoying ourselves here, and we're not, so how about we do that?"

"Agreed," Yaz nods. "What do you suggest?"

"I got something," Ryan pulls out a deck of cards from his coat. "I picked up these at a market we were out-" He shows them all the packet. "-they changed the name to Card's Against the Galaxy which I guess makes sense-"

"How do I play?"

"I'll show you," Jack smiles at Graham. "This will be fun."


	18. Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another old story of mine because my head doesn't want to play today, it's from the alt list and is some doctor whump
> 
> I've changed it enough and added jack as well ;)

The forest the five find themselves walking through, look around in wonder because for once it looks so much like Earth, but just different enough to know that whatever planet they are walking on is Alien, even if it does just look like the Forest of Dean.

"You know what, fam," The Doctor says, capturing Yaz's attention. "I don't think this is the forested moon of Sorth," She says with her hands on her hips and a scrunched expression on her face. "Easily confused mine-"

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Graham mutters to Jack, earning a quick glare from the Doctor. He doesn't flinch, just sticks his thumb up at her.

"How come, Doctor?" Yaz wonders, eager to learn.

The Doctor turns to look at Yaz, eyes sparkling in the shaded light of the forest. "You always ask the right questions, Yaz," She smiles at the younger woman, but her eyes lock on Graham. "You should take a leaf out of her book."

"What did I do?"

"You know what you did," The Doctor waves a finger at him. "I'll take points from you-"

Jack rests his hand in the small of Graham's back. He leans in. "And I'll give them back," He whispers. "Later if you want-"

"Jack-" Graham reddens, eyes flicking around to the others.

"I ask questions, Doctor," Ryan chimes in, pointedly ignoring Graham and Jack. "Yaz just gets there first, innit," Yaz turns to look at Ryan with narrowed eyes, and she spots the smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. "It's true, you-"

"So, where exactly are we if we ain't in-" Graham cuts in, intentionally or unintentionally, Yaz isn't too sure, but she's grateful to the older man for saving her from Ryan's playful teasing. "Where did you say you were taking us again, Doc?"

"Pay attention, Graham," The Doctor says dramatically while the older man rolls his eyes at her. She points a finger at him. "Right, minus five points for rolling your eyes."

"Oh no, the points," Graham sarcastically replies to her threat with hardly any care. "What would I ever do without the points?"

The Doctor nods at him and purses her lips. "Right, glad we're on the same page again-" She says, turning around and marching into the distance while Graham rolls his eyes behind her again.

"You're winding her up," Jack smirks against Graham's face. "Why?"

"Long story, involves me losing my lunch."

Yaz jogs up to the Doctor. "You know Graham does have a point, Doctor."

"Does he?"

"I do?" Graham asks in a very puzzled tone.

"Yes!" Yaz says with exasperation at the pair of them. "About where we are if we're not on that forest moon."

"Oh, right, 'spose he did have a valid question," The Doctor points out. "Hmm, well-" She bends down and runs her hand across the soil. "Could be Morth instead, easy to mix them up," She says as she leans forward, her hand reaching out further across the soil. She inches her feet forward. "Hmm, maybe not Morth. Huh-" She shuffles along again. "-guys, there is definitely something-" Her last step is what causes her to stop mid-sentence as a little click is heard throughout the clearing. "That doesn't sound-"

Before Yaz or anyone can act, the very ground beneath the Doctor falls away. The last thing she spots is the woman falling down into a pit with a loud thud and then a quiet 'oof' and a groan.

"DOCTOR!" Yaz shouts, her feet instantly heading towards the hole, but they keep a safe distance. She hears a muffled groan again and looks over to see the Doctor, coat askew and currently wrapped over her head. The Doctor pulls it off and looks upwards, and Yaz spots the twigs in her hair. "Are you okay?"

The Doctor gives her a surprised look with her eyes squinting at the brightness, Yaz reckons, well she hopes so anyway. She feels the boys come up as well, and all of them kneel down and glance over.

"She alright?" asks Ryan.

"I'm fine, bruised ego mainly, but-" The Doctor answers with a scrunched face. "-on the bright side I was right, there was something here."

"Bright side?" Graham repeats. "You're down a hole, Doc, I'm failing to see the bright side here."

"You sure you're alright, Doctor? You took a big fall," Yaz reminds her while she looks down the hole. "Try not to move too much; we don't know what you could've damaged."

"The Doctor has fallen from higher places," Jack muses from Yaz's left.

"See, Jack is right, I'm fine, Yaz, no need to worry," The Doctor insists and much to Yaz's chagrin she starts to get up and quickly falls back against the inner wall of the hole, her left foot held aloft from the floor. "Oh, all right, maybe not fine, not exactly."

Yaz brain kicks into gear. "Is it your foot?"

The Doctor looks up, and Yaz spots the dirt smudged on her skin. "Ankle, I don't think it's broken though-" She informs before looking down and moving it slightly. She winces. "Not broken, just sprained." The Doctor looks up again. "I'll be fine; I heal faster than humans."

"Fine?" Graham repeats with concern now. "You're in a hole, Doc, and you've done your ankle in, how the bloody hell are we gonna get you out?"

Graham goes to lean forward, but Jack latches his hand around his jacket and pulls him backwards. "Don't," He says. "The last thing we need is you falling in as well, and you're not like the Doctor, Graham."

"Well, what are we going to do?" Ryan asks while moving back from the hole and looking around the forest before looking back to her again. Graham does the same.

"Did any of you bring your emergency rope as I told you before?" The Doctor calls out from the hole, voice slightly echoing. Graham rolls his eyes. "Graham, I can see that."

"I ain't doing anything."

"You're rolling your eyes."

"No, I'm not."

Yaz feels the beginning stages of a tension headache forming behind her eyes. "Right, how about we get back onto the topic at hand?" She snaps, making everyone look to her again. "Thank you!" She says, exhaling loudly. "We didn't bring any, Doctor, did you?" She asks while looking into the hole again.

There is a pause, then a shuffle, a sound of items being dropped on the ground and finally a groan of frustration. "No, I must have left it in my brown coat-"

"Brown coat?" Ryan mouths at them with confusion. Graham shrugs at him.

"She copied my coat-"

"I did not!" The Doctor yells up the hole. "He's lying-"

"Oh, really?" Jack peers down at her. "You met me when I had this sexy coat and then the next time I bump into you, you have your own, talk about stealing my style-"

"Seriously, guys," Yaz sighs. "Can we focus?"

"I don't have any rope," The Doctor says after some more rustling. "You'll have to go back to the TARDIS; it should be on the fourth shelf from the left in the Libary, next to the swimming pool. If you've gone past the stationary room and I mean stationary room, not a room with pens in. It's quite literally stationary. Anyway if you find that, then you've gone too far-"

"Doc, we ain't gonna remember that by the time we get back to the TARDIS," Graham says with exasperation.

Yaz looks over the surrounding area. There's not much dotted around, but- She frowns and gets up when she spots some vividly coloured leaves. Quite big ones as well, she remarks in her head. "Guys-" She calls over to the boys. They look up at her with questioning expressions. "Why don't we use these?"

Ryan gets up and heads over as well. He reaches down and picks up a bright blue one and pulls on it. He stares down at it in amazement. "Hey, you can't rip them." He draws on it again. "It's like the new fivers and stuff."

"Can you tie them together?" Graham asks as well as he pulls himself off the floor with a grunt. He makes his way over and looks down to them as well. "It's better than nothin', ain't it?"

Yaz shrugs and picks up two leaves, handing one over to Graham and then turning to try and knot part of her leaf together. She succeeds and pulls on it with strength. After a moment, she stops with a satisfied smile on her face. "I think we can."

"You guys still there?" The Doctor shouts from the hole, her voice having a small echo to it.

"How long do you think it would take for the Doc to notice if we up' ed and left?" Graham asks with a smirk, his thumb gesturing behind him.

"Graham, I can hear you, you are aware of that, aren't you?"

"I didn't say anything, Doc," Graham replies.

Yaz sighs and wonders if the team would get anything done without her around to keep them on track. "Let's just get these leaves tied together, alright?"

Ryan, Graham, and Jack nod. They set to work tying them together with Yaz. It's an awkward process, but they're successful in their task when they pull on either end and find that it doesn't come apart. They walk back towards the edge of the hole again, each one looking over but making sure to keep away from the edge.

"You still okay, Doctor?" Jack questions with a smile.

"Right as rain, Jack," The Doctor smiles up at him. "Well, you know." She says, waving a hand through the air.

Jack nods and scrambles away from the hole again. He pulls the makeshift rope over to it. "We've tied a log to the bottom of it; you'll just need to sit on it while we pull you up, okay?"

The Doctor nods and pulls herself over to the log, settling herself on it safely. Yaz leans over and checks her out again before heading back from the hole and looking to the boys. "We should loop the rope around that tree-"

"Why?" Ryan asks.

"We did it in a team-building exercise once-" Yaz replies, looking over to him. "Put it around a pole, or something strong and solid, and it's easier and safer for you to pull whatever you're pulling up."

"Makes sense," Jack nods along with her. "My team-building exercises usually ended in Org-"

Graham slams his hand over Jack's mouth, dragging him back as they scramble. Jack smiles under the hand, allowing Graham to grapple him. He mumbles the rest of his sentence through Graham's hand.

"Behave, Jack," Graham tells him off as he leans in. "Or you won't get what you want tonight-" He whispers. Jack's eyes widen, and he pulls himself free, saluting Graham as he goes.

Ryan ignores them and glances over to Yaz as he picks up the end of the rope and makes his way around the tree. "You learnt this?"

Yaz nods, and she can't help the blush that appears on her face. "My supervisor thought it was good for the station."

"Your supervisor would be correct, Yaz," The Doctor yells from the hole. "Remind me to take you all on an exercise course one of these days-" There is a pause from the hole. "I think Pluto has some great activities in the twenty-fourth century."

Ryan glances over to Graham and bursts out laughing at the less than pleased look on his face. "Oh, you gonna have to do that because it'll be hilarious seeing Gramps trying to do exercises-"

"Oi, I'll have you know that I was gonna be a footballer." Graham throws back. "And I would've been if it wasn't for-"

"The food?"

"Ryan!" Graham shouts.

"Oooh, you gonna let him get away with that, Graham?" Jack folds his arms across his chest.

"Boys!" Yaz snaps again, finally losing her patience. They all turn to look at her. "Can you focus on getting the Doctor out of the hole? Please, she needs to rest her foot, and we still have to make the trek back to the TARDIS, and I would like to do it before it gets dark."

They all share a glance at each other, smiling before focusing back on what Yaz is now directing them to do. Graham at the back as an anchor. Ryan and Jack in the middle pulling the majority of the weight, and Yaz at the front, making sure the Doctor doesn't get jostled too much on her way out of the hole. The going is slow but good, each inch going smoothly and with one final pull from the boys and a gentle grab from Yaz, the Doctor reaches the top of the hole.

"Graham, can you hold the weight while Ryan and Jack help me lift her from the edge?" Yaz shouts to Graham.

Graham nods, and with an effort, he plants his feet into the ground and ignores the growing burn in his hands. "Yeah, but be quick, won't ya?"  
Ryan and Jack, after checking that Graham does have a hold on it, lets go of their part of the rope and rushes to Yaz's side. They both place their hands under her shoulders, making sure they both have a good grip on her while they and Graham pull her over the lip of the hole and onto solid ground.

Graham lets the rope go when he feels the tension of its slack. He glances down at his hands and sees the friction burns across them and grimaces at them. "Don't spose you have any bandages in that coat of yours, Doc? Or that healing balm I used?"

The Doctor glances her head over to Graham and spots him looking at his hands. "Bandages yes, healing balm, no, oh and rope, also no. I really must get a rope, remind me to put it on my to-do list," She says as she reaches a hand into her pocket and pulls out clean bandages. "How are your hands, Ryan?"

Ryan glances down. "They're fine; I wasn't holding onto the rope like gramps was."

Jack has made his way back to Graham, lightly taking the core hand and bringing it mouth, kissing it on the back of his hand. "Made it better-"

"I mean, you didn't," Graham snorts. "But that was nice."

Yaz looks up from the Doctor's ankle and towards Graham. "We'll sort you both out when we get back to the TARDIS."

The Doctor looks suddenly saddened, face downtrodden. "I didn't get to show you the-"

Yaz turns back to the Doctor and smiles at her. "Once that ankle is healed up, and Graham's hands are better, you can show it to us then, and maybe when we're on the correct moon," She suggests with kindness. "You did say you heal faster than us humans, so it shouldn't be too long."

The Doctor nods and smiles back. "As long as we don't fall into any more holes." She scrunches her face as Ryan and Yaz loop their arms under hers and pull her up to her feet, well, foot with a slight groan. "I wouldn't recommend it."

There's a burst of shared laughter through the clearing as they all make their way back to the TARDIS with a new rule to follow. Holes are not to be messed with although that rule is mainly for the Doctor to follow.


	19. Grief | Mourning Loved One | Survivor's Guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> children of earth is an outstanding piece of television that I will never ever watch again

Locating Jack proved as tricky as ever. In Graham's opinion, it was like he never actually wanted to be found even though he left the damn note, which is fine, but it's also not because Graham has a sneaking suspicion he knows precisely why the flamboyant Captain Jack Harkness has retreated into himself.

And it's something to do with the toxin he breathed in and the faces he saw. Graham shakes his head as he continues towards his destination. He pulls his phone out to make sure he's still heading in the right direction.

Cardiff. He's been in many cities, but Cardiff is puzzling him with its little walkways and waterfronts, honestly, why couldn't Jack decide to go to London.

After popping his phone back into his pocket again he goes back to thinking about the man again, well he's spent most of his time thinking about Jack, to be honest. He wishes he would talk about that little incident, but frustratingly enough Jack seems to be like the Doc in that regard.

Course, he's not going to force Jack to tell him anything, they all have their secrets, but they're meant to be together, and he has spoken about Grace to Jack, the least he could do is talk about Ianto a bit more. They even went to her grave, chatted to her, maybe Jack only went to offer some support, but Graham doubts that. Jack is many things, people assume he just flirts and jokes, but there is a tenderness to him and something fragile as well, hidden.

Graham frowns to himself when he remembers the look on Jack's face when he first called him love. It was a cross between surprise and panic, like he never expected to hear someone say that. At the time he honestly thought he stepped right into it, messed it up before it even started, but Graham can't help with creating nicknames.

It's why the Doc is the Doc, it just works for him, and like, if the Doc told him to stop calling her 'Doc', then he would, but she hasn't, so for forever now she is the Doc whether she likes it or not.

Graham is also firmly aware he's just thought about her name to the point that it doesn't sound real in his head now anymore. He snorts to himself, disregarding the fact that people are giving the weird English man baffling looks as he goes through his face journey of thought.

Then again it's not like they know he's English, they might be giving him baffling looks because according to Jack and Ryan, he shares an extraordinary, strange likeness to that host Grace loved so much. Now, he doesn't much see it himself, but who is he to dispute it now that the Doc even agrees with them to the point she even offered to go on the show and give him a scan.

Ah, thinking about how he shares a likeness with a television host really isn't what he is meant to be doing right now. He's in a city he's never been to before with Jack on his mind, and now he's pretty sure he's lost.

He stops once again and pulls out his phone, frowning down at it.

"You all right there, mate?" Graham looks up when he hears the Welsh accent with a puzzled expression. "You look lost-"

"Oh," Graham nods. "I'm looking for a place, but this isn't exactly my manor-"

"I can tell by the accent," The man comes forward with a soft frown. "London?"

"Uh, Sheffield, well Essex, then Sheffield," Graham answers with a smile. "Moved around a lot."

"What are you looking for?"

Graham glances down to his phone. "This is gonna sound weird, trust me, but I'm tracking something-"

The man's eyebrow raises a fraction. "Tracking?"

"It's nothing bad, I got some tech from my friend, she's well good at this sort of thing, but it sent me on a bit of a wild goose chase-"

"Like a treasure hunt?"

Graham's brows furrow a tad. "Uh, yeah, I 'spose, look I can show you-" He turns his phone around and shows the ginger-haired stranger his screen. "-I don't know where this place is."

"That's Tiger-Tiger," The stranger answers for him, and Graham quirks an eyebrow at the strange name. "You're not far from it, mate, just head down there-" He gestures forward. "-take the first left, keep going, then take the next right, you won't miss it, but you hardly look the type to go-" He gives Graham a once over before shrugging. "-nevermind, have fun."

"Uh, thanks," Graham presses his lips into a fine line as the man wanders away. "Forward, left, then right, and you will have reached your destination, Graham, simple as that."

With the directions fresh in his mind, Graham begins the short walk towards the location marked on his phone.

And the moment he gets there, he realises why the stranger gave him a puzzling look.

"Jack," Graham shakes his head and walks forward with a huff. "I'm hardly the type to be in a damn club-" He glances down at himself, relieved that he decided to at least look like he's dressed for a night out. "-you couldn't pick a pub or a restaurant or something?" He sighs and joins the line, exhaling a breath he didn't know he was holding when the bouncers don't seem to care, which is a relief, seriously, clubbing passed him by a long time ago now.

"Now, if I was Jack, where would I be-" Graham murmurs as he looks over the crowded place. At least the music doesn't seem to be that loud, nor is it that busy. The early evening does that he supposes, not that he'd know. Seriously, when was the last time he was in a club? The nineties? "-drinks, he'll be getting drinks," He decides and starts making his way towards it, eyes scanning up and down the long bar, searching and eventually locking onto that tell-tale blue-grey trench coat.

Graham slowly walks up to Jack with concern on his face; he places his hands in his jacket pockets and watches the slumped form before exhaling and finally stepping forward. "Jack," he says, prodding the other man. Jack jumps at that, spinning to face Graham with far less swagger than he'd usually have. "What are you doing here?"

"Graham?" Jack slurs, wobbling on the stool. "How did you find me?"

"He's been here for a few hours," The bartender helpfully informs. "Thought it better he stays here than go wandering out in the city, the last thing we need is someone else falling into the bay."

"Ta," Graham looks her way with a smile. "I can take him off your hands now-"

Jack shakes his head and turns back to the bartender. "Not yet, I'm fine," he reaches around Graham and pulls him close. "This is my boyfriend-" Graham reddens. "-he'll have a-" Jack's eyes shut for a moment. "-cocktail, he likes cocktails-"

The bartender glances at Graham who sighs. "I'll just have a pint if that's all the same to you, cockle, someone has to have a clear head here seeing that he doesn't seem to want one." The bartender nods and turns back around again. "Jack, what are you doing here?" He questions him. "I woke up, you were gone, and all you left was a note saying you'd be back in a few days, what was I meant to do with that?"

"I was telling the truth," Jack mumbles as he sips at his colouring drink. "I just needed some time to think about everything-"

"Is this about what happened?" Jack turns his head to the bar, and Graham sighs again. "I'm not the jealous type, Jack-"

"I never said you were."

"I know, but if you think I'm upset about you calling me a different name when you saw his face then you're wrong 'cos I get it, I really do, you love him like I love Grace."

The moment he finishes his sentence, he gets his pint, he gives a nod to the bartender, passing over his card for the card reader. He picks his pint up and drinks it, savouring the bitter flavour before placing it back down.

"You would be better off without me, Graham."

Graham instantly locks his eyes on Jack's face. "And why do you think that?"

"Because the people I-" He shakes his head. "-the people I care about die, they always die-" Jack drinks greedily. "Ianto, Owen, Tosh, Suzie-"

Ah.

That makes sense considering the little trick that Jack has.

"Jack," Graham reaches forward and gently takes his hands in his own hands. "I said it wasn't your fault-"

"I shouldn't have taken Ianto into that damn building, shouldn't have goaded-"

"No," Graham cuts him off. "Cos if you start doing that then I'll start saying about all the things I should've done to stop Grace from going up that bloody crane," He counters with passion and truth. "The only people responsible for Grace and Ianto's deaths have been stopped, by the pair of us, you know what I did, and you don't say how you stopped it, but I've heard you talking in your sleep-"

"Don't," Jack says suddenly. "You'd hate me if you knew what I did to stop them, Graham, so please don't-"

Graham stares at Jack with a frown. "Why would I hate you?"

"Because you wouldn't do the same, you'd find another way, you're a good man, but I'm not, no man is good after doing that."

"Find another way for what?" Graham asks, and he wonders if he should. Jack is drunk, and Jack never gets drunk, well not unless he wants to, and this time, he so very obviously wants to get drunk. "Jack?"

"Would you do the same?" Jack says, puzzling Graham further. "If it meant you'd save every other child? That's the dilemma, your family or everyone else's family."

"I'm not following you, Jack."

Jack looks into his drink. "I lost Ianto the same week I lost my daughter and grandson, the latter two my own doing, the first as well, if you want to count that," Graham's blood chills for a second, all he can hear in his ears in the thudding of the music. "I had no choice, had to send the signal back with something that was on the wavelength, the thing is, the only way I could do that was by using a child to be that feedback loop-"

Graham locks his eyes on Jack's, and he knows what Jack is going to say next. "You used your grandson," He gets there first, saving Jack from the trouble of saying it.

"Steven Carter, born 1999," Jack supplies without thought. "He would've been the same age as Ryan now," He looks back down again. "Without Steven, Graham, people like Ryan and Yaz would be gone because they were children, made them repeat-"

"Hey," Graham takes Jack's head in his hands. "They wouldn't be here, I know that week, god I remember it," He reveals with horror. "I-" He looks away for a second. "-I never had kids, but I had cousins, back in Essex, who had kids, we-" Jack's eyes focus on Graham. "-they were gonna take them, Jack, all of them, we couldn't let them, fought back and tried to stop them."

There's a silence between them, both staring at one another with realisation.

"Ryan, he was-" Graham closes his eyes for a moment. "Ryan was safe I think, but I can't be sure," He frowns. "He had his mum and dad and Grace then, they should've been safe, but Grace never mentioned it," He opens his eyes again. "You know, the kids don't even remember it, maybe that's for the best 'cos it's not like we speak about it, but Yaz, god, she and her sister, her parents must've been terrified-"

"They weren't taken, Graham," Jack speaks, voice clear as day for the first time since Graham found him again. "We stopped them, me, Gwen, Ianto, Rhys, we all stopped them."

"But you lost your grandson," Graham stares at Jack with understanding. "I couldn't imagine-"

"I was responsible for that, Graham, don't pity me," Jack necks the reminder of his drink. "He died because I made the decision that ended his life."

"A decision that saved millions of other kids," Graham picks his own pint up. "It saved all the others," He drinks. "You asked if I would do the same with Ryan-" He flicks his eyes to Jack. "-and honestly? I can't answer that, Jack, I can't because-"

"You're scared you would put Ryan in Steven's place," Jack voices. "You're scared you'd do exactly what I did if it meant saving everyone else."

Graham drinks his pint instead of answering because he's not sure he'll like the damn answers that he could give. He swallows his pint in full and taps the bar for another before turning to face Jack again. "Jack," He reaches for his hand, holding it tight and pulling it up to his mouth. "I don't hate you for the decision you had to make."

"You should."

"And if I did, if I hated that you did what you had to do," Graham keeps his eyes on Jack's face. "Then I wouldn't have Ryan," He swallows, eyes aching with tears that he doesn't care that people can see. "Hakim and Najia, they wouldn't have Yaz and her sister, my cousins wouldn't have-" He can't finish the sentence, he kisses Jack's hand instead. "-I couldn't hate you for making the decision that saved their lives, how could I?"

"You're too good for me," Jack exhales as he wipes his free hand down his face. "I'm sorry I left you alone, Graham, but I had to-"

"I get it, mate, I really do," Graham releases Jack's hand. "But we're together, so next time you want to go running about-" He sniffles slightly, they'll talk about this more when they're both sober. "-doesn't matter, let's just drink, shall we?"


	20. Lost

The wind batters the mouth of the cave, whipping in snow, causing the occupants to scramble further back once again. The Doctor stands ahead of them; eyes narrowed as she looks out into the storm, coat billowing around her exposed legs.

"We're lost, aren't we?" Graham frowns at her.

"Not lost," The Doctor corrects. "Just-"

"Lost."

"Fine," The Doctor exhales. "We're slightly lost while this snowstorm rages. "But as soon as it's over we won't be lost."

"Aren't you cold?" Ryan asks as he huddles against his granddad, arms clinging to his arm.

"I'm colder than you, Ryan," The Doctor mentions before turning around and heading back over to them. "Storm is passing over the cave right now."

"Then what?" Yaz chatters next. She's sat against Jack, his coat carefully arranged around her shoulders. "We'll have to trek through who knows how deep snow in nothing more than our jeans and autumn jackets."

"She has a point, Doc," Graham murmurs, his head is nestled against Jack's shoulders, arm wrapped around the man's back. "We're already freezing cold; we don't know how long this storm is gonna last-"

"I know," The Doctor settles herself down. She reaches over to the damp wood they were trying to light. "If I could make a fire-"

"Wood is wet," Ryan mumbles. "We tried-"

"I know, but-" The Doctor rifles through her pockets once more, throwing items against the cold floor because she's sure she has something in them that can help. "Jack, do you have anything?"

"No," Jack answers, voice trembling in the cold. "It doesn't matter about me, by the way, just focus on these lot."

"I think it does," Graham counters in a low voice as he snuggles closer. "Even if you won't be hurt for good, you'll still suffer with us."

Jack smiles at that, and he rests his head against the top of Graham's, nuzzling his cheek against his silver hair. "You sure you don't have anything that can light it?"

The Doctor continues to pulls out objects, face creasing ever further into concentration. "Aha!" She yells, voice echoing through the cave and causing the four humans to jump in sudden shock. "I got it!"

"Got what?" Yaz probes, hoping for relief from the biting cold.

The Doctor shows them a small object like it means anything to them. "This will work-" She bundles the would into a pile and points the device at it, smiling brightly when flames spring forth. "See, told you."

The four humans instantly edge out to the fire like moths to a street lamp, hands reaching for it with relief. The Doctor looks at their hands with some remorse at how shaky they all are.

"Fire should last for a long while," The Doctor settles herself on her heels. "No smoke, handy, soon as the storm stops I'll head out and figure out which way the TARDIS is."

"The fire is warm as well, but not burning hot like a bonfire usually are," Ryan points out. "I might give sleeping a go, what about you three?" He looks towards the others.

"Yeah," Yaz pulls off Jack's coat and hands it back, frowning when he doesn't take it at first. "Seriously, Jack, the fire is going now, and I have a jacket, thin as it is, you don't-"

"Take it from her, love," Graham hugs onto Jack's arm. "Else she'd only throw it at you."

Jack rolls his eyes and accepts the jacket from her, eyes shooting to the Doctor the moment she takes her coat off and replaces Jack's with hers for Yaz. He smirks to himself before turning to Graham and raising an eyebrow at him.

"Shh," Graham whispers against his ear. "You didn't see that."

Jack turns back, leaning closer to him as well. "Oh, I did," He states. "And I will remember it."

"Uh-huh," Graham sighs and shakes his head with a smile. He kisses Jack's cheek. "Sleep."

"Right," Jack allows Graham to settle down as he turns towards the Doctor. "You joining us?"

The Doctor shakes her head. "Going to keep the fire going while keeping an eye on the storm, it's fine; you three go ahead, rest up."

"All right, if you're sure, Doctor," Jack nods at her before he settles down behind Graham. "Night guys."

Ryan grunts a response while Yaz speaks. "Night."

They settle off into sleep, the comforting sound of a crackling fire soothing and warming them as they slumber. The Doctor looks across the four of them.

Ryan seems comfortable enough; he's pulled his beanie over his eyes and is currently using something that the Doctor discarded as a pillow.

Yaz has taken off her thinner jacket and bunched it up into the shape of a pillow, she's hugging the Doctor's coat around herself, and the Doctor finds herself grinning at that.

The Doctor finally turns her attention to the older two, currently wrapped around each other and she might never tell them this, but she's glad they found one another. Both carry a loss on their sleeves, both still love that loss and will probably love them forever, but they have each other now, two forces joined together because of her.

She sighs contentedly before turning to look out at the snow again, watching it as it whizzes past.

"Goodnight, fam," The Doctor whispers more to herself. "Sleep well."


	21. Infection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was going to be something else and then it wasn't

"In, all of you in there right now," The Doctor shoves her tired friends forward, and towards a specialised room the TARDIS created for her. Secure, unbreakable, not that they know that and only a precaution if it all goes wrong, which it shouldn't, but she can't know that, so secure it has to be. "You'll feel better, and everything will be monitored-"

"Monitored?" Yaz frowns at her. "You never told us why you're secluding us away, Doctor-"

"Yeah," Ryan rubs his sleep from his eyes. "You just dragged us all from our beds; I was having a dream-"

"And you haven't said why Jack gets to remain outside," Graham looks disappointed by that development, he hugs his dressing gown tighter around himself. "He's human-"

"Ish, Graham, human-ish," Jack corrects, but there is an air about him, something off. "Different sort of human to you three."

Ryan glances between them. He leans down to Yaz. "Alien boyfriend," He remarks. "Who would've thought that out of the three of us it was bloody Graham who got the alien partner first."

"I can hear you," Jack locks his eyes on Ryan's face. "-are you jealous?"

"Of you?" Ryan smirks at Jack. "Never, don't know what my grandad sees in you, all flair, no substance."

"Oh, there's plenty of substance," Jack winks at him. "Graham can attest to that." He grins at Ryan before focusing back on to Graham. "I'd snog you, make it a proper PDA in front of Ryan, but I can't-" His eyes dart to the Doctor and back again. "I'll snog you when you're out of there instead."

"Yeah," Graham rubs at the back of his neck. "Do you know why the Doc is shoving us in here?"

"You'll be fine; sure it's nothing," Jack smiles at Graham, but it hardly touches his eyes, and that alerts the other man.

"It is something," Graham stares at Jack, his voice low. "You're not telling us, but I ain't one of the kids, you can tell me."

The Doctor steps back towards them again; her eyes focused on Graham's face. "We're safer if you're in there-"

"Why?"

"No time to explain," The Doctor motions for Graham to step back. "I'll figure it out, trust me, always good in a pinch-" She presses the button on the side and watches as her three friends are sealed away. "-I promise I'll fix it, Fam." She says to the window, knowing that they can't hear her.

"You can sort this out," Jack turns to her. "You weren't just saying that, were you?"

The Doctor watches Graham's face, his brows furrowed as he stares at her through the thick glass. "You and Graham," She turns and faces Jack now. "Have you-" Her face twists and she pulls at her coat. "-you know-" She smashes her hands together awkwardly.

"Are you asking if me and Graham have slept together or?" Jack quirks an eyebrow and folds his arms across his chest. "Because that's a bit of a personal question, Doctor, but if you must know-" There's a part of him that is enjoying this. "-then yes, we have."

"Okay, good, uh, yeah-" The Doctor's eyes close and her nose wrinkles. That's another few years of therapy to add to the list. "So, you've been infected, Jack."

"Graham ain't gonna like you saying that."

"No, I mean," The Doctor's brows crease. "You've been infected with what they have."

"So, why haven't you put me in there with them?" Jack's eyes narrow as he looks at her. "And what is it, all I know is you sent me a private message on my vortex manipulator, telling me to get Graham up and to stay away from him, why?"

"Because you're you, and they're them-" The Doctor gestures up and down Jack, she catches Graham's head tilting through the glass. He's joined by Ryan and Yaz now. "Fixed point in time, your body destroyed the infection because you're a fact, you can't change-"

"But they can-" Jack flicks his eyes to the three other humans. He offers them a smile, something that Graham returns. "-how bad is this going to get?"

The Doctor glances towards her friends. "Depends on how fast I figure out the cure-"

"And have you?"

"Maybe, quite possibly, but you might not like it," The Doctor admits as she turns away from the glass and begins walking into one of the side rooms. Jack follows closely behind her. She leads him up some stairs and into another room, a lab of sorts. There's another window, this time looking down into the room. "It's why you're here, Jack."

"What do you mean?"

"If I can get a vaccine from you, something in your blood, because yes, even though you are a fixed point, the infection could never take hold-"

"Get to the point, Doctor."

"Your body has fought the infection off, and it's done it multiple times, Jack," The Doctor explains. "I-" Her eyes dart around. "-Luckily, we never went back to Earth after Apahyda."

"And what does that mean?"

The Doctor runs her tongue over her teeth, slapping her lips together as she does it. "I should've realised, but the infection was dormant," She slaps her hands against her sides. "When we were walking through the deserted streets it was awakened-"

"Doctor-"

"I'm getting there, Jack," The Doctor presses a hand against the bridge of her nose. "Particles pushed into the air, dead skin flakes, we all saw the skeletal remains, but we should've left long before we got that far-"

Jack's eyes narrow, and he thinks back to the remains, how they each bent down to look at the weirdly human and non-human skulls at the same time. "Does this have something to do with Graham, Ryan, and Yaz being sick after we got back?"

The Doctor nods as she makes her way around to the main desk. "Did you feel sick?"

"I felt under the weather," Jack admits. "But Graham was throwing up, couldn't keep anything down-"

"That's the start, Jack," The Doctor looks back up to Jack. "The moment they breathed in the dormant particles, the infection took root in their systems."

"And what is this infection?" Jack questions, growing worried for his friends and lover. He looks down into the room, remarking at how empty it is.

"Rare, extremely rare," The Doctor leans down on the table. "They're going to change, and when I say change, I mean change, Jack."

Jack turns to the Doctor. "Are you going to expand on that?"

"Those skulls we found," The Doctor pulls out a picture, pushing it along the table towards Jack who takes it. "They weren't human and non-human," She spots Jack's eyes widen. "-they're all human, just-"

"Mutated," Jack slaps the paper down and rushes towards the window, hand pressed against it. "Are you saying they're going to mutate into those beasts we saw running in the distance when we went back to the TARDIS?"

"Not if I can stop it," The Doctor strides towards Jack. "And I need your help for that; if we start now, we can put a stop to it before anything happens to them," She exhales harshly. "Before they change because the moment they do, the kindest thing for them would be to drop them back onto Apahyda."

Jack latches his hand around the Doctor's arm. "You mean you wouldn't be able to-"

The Doctor pulls her arm free. "We don't have time, Jack," Her eyes pierce through him, flicking downwards to look into the room and back up again. "So, let us get this fixed now, shall we?"

She doesn't wait for Jack to reply as she pulls him over to a chair, pushing him down in it. "I need your blood."

"Take it," Jack nods at her. "What are you going to do?"

"Turn it into vapour, add in some mixtures, things that have been recorded to at least slow the infection, but it's your blood that will do the main trick," The Doctor lists off as she connects lines to Jack's arms. "Jack."

"What?"

"I'm going to need all of your blood for this," The Doctor looks him in the eyes. "It's going to hurt-"

Jack snorts at that. "Just give me something to bite down on then," He requests. "And don't feel bad about killing me, Doctor," He gives her a nod. "I'd die for you and them, always would."

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't be," Jack flashes her a brief smile. "Just save them, right?"

"I will," The Doctor nods. She hands over a scrap of leather, waiting for Jack to get ahold of it in his mouth. He nods at her, and she swallows thicky, hand lingering over the button. "I'm sorry, Jack."

She presses the button and tries to block out the agonising noises from Jack as she peers down into the room below, watching as the three humans chat, unaware of what could've happened to them.

But she pictures it.

Their eyes pitch black, bodies changed to resemble beasts rather than humans, faces elongated, teeth bared. Snarling.

Monsters intent on only killing and spreading the infection from one host to another.

She turns back to Jack.

If she didn't have him, then that would've been the fate of the three humans below.

And that sits within her like a lead balloon.


	22. Withdrawal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, these are all one-shots but this one is a continuation of day 14 'branded'

** Ryan **

Creak.

Ryan frowns and glances to the clock at the bottom of his computer screen.

02:24

Everyone should be sleeping right about now. He turns and looks at his door, his frown turning puzzled. 

Which means if he's hearing the creak, then Graham is up.

He should probably check, considering Jack has to run an errand somewhere or sometime. He turns back around to his computer again and quickly logs off from his game.

Right, check on him.

Worry about him.

Stepping from his bedroom, he glances around the dark hallway. It's no wonder Graham stepped on the creaky step, but he shouldn't have, they all know which steps creak and which don't.

He slowly makes his way downstairs, carefully avoiding the creaky step as he edges down, he peers down the bottom floor hallway and hums at the light shining in the kitchen.

"What are you doing, gramps?" Ryan whispers under his breath as he walks forward as quietly as he can. The door is ajar slightly, and he peeks through it, watching Graham searching through cupboards as quietly as he can.

There are piles of boxes, creams, plasters-

Ryan steps into the room, causing Graham to practically jump out of his skin at the sight of him.

"Why'd you do that for?" Graham snaps. "Damn near caused me to-"

"Why are you looking through nan's cupboard?" Ryan folds his arms across his chest and quickly unfolds them again so as not to draw attention to it. His eyes linger on Graham's shirt, undone partially, scar showing at the top.

"I have a headache," Graham mumbles defensively.

Ryan's eyes flick to the untouched box of ibuprofen. He reaches for it and holds it out for Graham who stares at it. "Aren't you going to take it?"

Graham snatches it from Ryan's hand far more forceful than necessary. "Yeah," He pulls open the tab and pops out a couple into his palm.

Ryan's brows furrow at Graham, concerned about him. "Does it-" He hesitates, unwilling to draw attention to the elephant in the room. "-you know-"

"It's fine," Graham grunts just before putting the tablets into his mouth and washing them down with a cup of water. He holds onto the side. "As I said, it's a headache and not the scar, that is fine."

"Right," Ryan remains unconvinced.

"Why are you up?" Graham faces him, blue eyes greyer, bags under them.

"I was playing a game-"

"It's gone two in the morning," Graham points out in a strange manner, short and irritable. "You should be sleeping."

Ryan's eyebrow quirks upwards at that. "I'm not a kid," He reminds, thoroughly puzzled. "And you're up."

"I said I have a headache," Graham retorts with a sour look.

"You're a bit grumpy," Ryan innocently says, meaning nothing by it.

"Yeah," Graham stares at Ryan, hand clenching on the side. "Right, well, goodnight," He shoves past Ryan.

"Yeah, night," Ryan says to his back. He shakes his head and sighs, thinking nothing more about it because it's a known fact that Graham can be irritable when he's hungry, so a migraine has to be far worse.

But it still leaves him concerned about the man who worked his way to be his grandad.

** Jack **

Usually, Graham is a sound sleeper, out like a light on most nights, but lately, and it's something Jack has most definitely noticed, is that he's restless. Tossing and turning, kicking the cover off, throwing them back on, getting up-

It's a huge list.

Jack sighs and peers over to Graham, lit in only the street lamp from outside. He has half a mind to climb up it and take it apart; it's been a pain in the ass ever since they installed it. 

Maybe that why Graham is restless in the night.

At least he's sleeping now, though, even if he does currently have the covers thrown off him, exposing his chest. Jack can see the raised skin shadowed by the street lamp shining through the blinds. He reaches out, brushing a hand very gently across them, pulling back when he feels how hot Graham is.

Jack shuffles away and pulls the cover back across them, frowning ever so slightly as he settles down to watch the rise and fall of Graham's chest.

It's cold, and don't get him wrong, he does love this area of the Earth, but it's bloody cold, and they've not even put the heating on yet, so why is Graham burning hot?

He drifts off into a light and uncomfortable slumber, one that is easily disturbed by the restless movement once again. His eyes open when he feels Graham pull himself up in a huff.

"Graham?"

"Go back to sleep, Jack," Graham grunts at him as he stands.

"You've been restless all night," Jack says gently. "Are you all right?"

"Fine," Graham replies after a moment. "Just hot-"

"Are you ill?" Jack asks with worry. "Or is it to do with your-"

"If you say my chest, then no, it's not," Graham responds quickly and suspiciously. "I'm probably just coming down with something," He mumbles. "It's that time of year after all."

Jack begins to push himself up from the bed. "I can get you something," He suggests. "Just get back in, I'll be your-"

"No, no, it's fine," Graham shuffles from foot to foot as he turns around to look down at Jack. "Promise it's fine, Jack, it's not-" He gestures at his chest. "-honestly, it's not, just coming down with something, Ryan might've mentioned I had a headache-"

"He said you were grumpy," Jack smiles briefly at him.

"Yeah," Graham returns the look, but it's off somewhat. "I'm just going to get a drink of water, all right?" He leans down and presses a kiss on Jack's forehead. "See you in a bit. I'll promise not to disturb you any more than I have."

Jack nods and watches as Graham leaves their bedroom. He'll ask Ryan again about what he saw the other night; maybe he'll even pop to the shops and get whatever Graham needs if he's sick.

But one thing for sure that is true, Graham didn't disturb him for the rest of the night. He came back calmer, slept soundly.

Huh, maybe he really did just need a drink of water.

** Yaz **

Honestly, some days she positively wonders about Sonya, and yeah they do wind each other up, but she knows when she's actually ill over when she's faking it.

And this time she really is ill, and it's the reason Yaz is stood in the pharmacy closest to their doctors, which is still a reasonable distance away by car or bus, looking through the pain relief, cold and flu tablets, nasal congestion, anything that she thinks might help her younger sister.

She's so focused on the task that she misses the man who enters, green and white slip clutched in his shaking hand. And it seems he misses her, judging by the fact that he walked straight into her.

"Oi," Yaz looks up, mouth already forming the words to tell him to watch where he's going and stopping when she realises who it is. "Graham?"

"Yaz?" Graham blinks down at her. She takes a good look at him. He looks drawn, pale with dark eyes. She's about to ask what is wrong and pauses when he sniffles. "What are you doing here?"

"Sonya is ill," Yaz mentions as she stands up. "Are you all right, Graham?"

"Fine-"

Yaz looks him over and spots the little green and white slip in his hands. "Been to the doctors, though-" She nods towards it and he slowly looks down before shoving it into his pocket. "-that's a prescription."

Graham shrugs slightly, and his hands follow the slip into his leather jacket pockets. It's done up to his neck, but she's seen enough to know what it's hiding beneath. "I probably have what your sister has," He mumbles, eyes avoiding hers.

Yaz nods, but her brows furrow in concern. "How did you get here?"

"Uh, bus."

"Bit of a walk to the bus stop, Graham," Yaz points out with a kind smile. "Why don't you get a lift home with me?"

"Uh, you don't have to-"

"Nonsense," Yaz reaches out and rests a hand on his arm. "We're going the same way-"

"Nah, you'll catch it-"

"Graham," Yaz rolls her eyes at him. "If Sonya has it, then I already have it, I expect it'll pop up when the Doctor is due back, making me ill on our travels."

Graham shuffles on his feet. "I don't want to put you out."

"We live in the same area, Graham," Yaz reminds. "It's no further for me, seriously, I don't mind 'cos we're family and family look after one another."

Graham nods after a moment and smiles ever so briefly at her. "I'll just get this then; you don't have to wait with me-"

"I don't mind," Yaz reassures, and she watches as he shuffles off. It's stiff, and she can't help but wonder why Ryan or Jack never offered to come with him. She has half a mind to text them right now because if Graham is as sick as her sister is then he really should be at home resting, not walking around Sheffield and getting on bleeding buses.

It seems the pharmacists know him, judging by the recognising looks on their faces, but what puzzles Yaz is the narrowing of the eyes and the looks shared between them. She walks forward, only by a bit, but she manages to pick up the tail end of the conversation.

"Mr O'Brien, you came in for this only last week-"

"I lost them," Yaz hears Graham say. "Left them on a bus-"

"And your doctor gave you this again?"

"Yeah, he said I have to more careful, but honestly, it's just 'cos I left them behind-" The woman behind the counter hesitates. "-I don't know what the issue is, the doctor, he gave it to me, so it's all legit, just give them to me."

Yaz's eyebrows raise at that; she's never heard Graham's voice take that tone before. She shuffles back to the aisle she was in, gathering the items she needed and standing to head over to the counter with an actual excuse to be there now.

Graham side-eyes her, shaking hand grabbing ahold of the counter to steady it. "It'll take them a bit to get what I need, cockle," He murmurs under his breath. "Just head home to your sister, she needs your help more than I do."

"Graham?"

Yaz begins to speak, groaning in annoyance when the woman from before comes back over again. "Here you go, Mr O'Brien, but we won't do this for you next time."

"Yeah, thanks," Graham snatches the paper bag from her. His eyes meet Yaz's. "See ya-"

"Graham, wait-" Yaz says, hands hurrying to put down the items held within them.

"A walk will do me good, Yaz," Graham calls out. "It's fine; I don't mind it."

And then he's gone, the door slamming shut behind him. "Damn it."

"You know him?"

Yaz snaps her head towards the pharmacist, eyes quickly reading her nametag.

'Anna.'

"He's the grandad to one of my mates," Yaz reveals to her. "I was going to give him a lift home 'cos we live near each other-"

Anna looks to be in two minds about something. "Have you spoken to him recently?"

Yaz frowns at that. "Yes-" She stops for a moment to think. "-sort of, something happened, he's been resting ever since, and I've been stuck at work, haven't been 'round as much as I should've been if I'm honest."

"I-" Anna sighs.

"What is it?" Yaz asks in an instant.

"I shouldn't say," Anna admits. "I could lose my job if I break patient confidentiality."

"Would it help if I said I was a family member?" Yaz suggests, intent on twisting the truth somewhat. "He's practically my grandad-"

Anna shakes her head. "I'm sorry," She admits with a look of worry and frustration. "I've already said too much-"

"Don't worry," Yaz smiles reassuringly at her. "I won't say anything, trust me, I'm a police officer, I know all about confidentiality and Graham won't put two and two together, I'll call it my intuition."

"Thanks," Anna exhales with relief.

"No worries," Yaz offers her a smile. "I'll just get this, and if anyone asks, just say I was peppering you with questions about my ill sister, it's the truth, she is ill."

"If you can, just check what he's taking, but-" Anna's eyes dart behind her. "People like him are good at hiding it."

Yaz frowns and nods, lost.

** The Doctor **

Okay, so she might not rest like the humans on her ship do, but she knows when they need rest and currently one is walking through the halls of her ship, alone and frazzled about something.

Oh, she really wouldn't be spying on them, but the gentle nudging turned urgent nudging from the TARDIS has made her watch what they're doing.

And she really doesn't like what Graham is doing, or more accurately, what he looks like and by Rassilon, how did she not see it before they headed out on this trip?

There are times when people have said, herself included, that she's not good at finding the correct things to say, which means they kinda assume she doesn't notice when something is wrong.

And something is most definitely wrong with Graham O'Brien.

She watches as he walks down a corridor, a hand clutched around his stomach, one arm pressed against the wall for support as he catches his breath.

"Where does he want to go?" She asks the TARDIS.

A light flashes on the console, and she walks over to it, pressing it once. Her eyes snap to another screen the moment it flashes on, and she exhales with a sharp breath.

She leans down on the console, mind speeding through possible reasons as to why Graham would be trying to find the medical bay and only stopping on the obvious.

But if it's the obvious then why has no one mentioned it?

Or spotted it for a matter of fact?

-Because Graham, when he puts his mind to it, can be a bit of a dark horse-

"Lead him to the medical bay," The Doctor instructs the TARDIS. "But remove all medicine from it, replace it with a placebo," She feels an affirmative rumble. "I'm going to make my way to the medical bay, lead me the long way around-"

There's that rumble again followed by worry.

"He'll be all right," The Doctor pauses to brush a hand on the console. "I know you worry about him because he cleans up after us-" She gets a warm noise in return. "-It might not be what I expect, but if it is, then we'll help him."

A hopeful rumble follows that statement.

** Graham **

It's the pain in his abdomen—the muscle spasms in his legs. His clothes are drenched with sweat, it's any wonder Jack didn't rouse from his sleep, but Graham has got very good at moving without disturbing the immortal man.

He's got very good at avoiding Ryan in the night by shuffling off to the bathroom, standing in there for a moment, giving it enough time before flushing the loo. It's in the time frame of the flush that he's already reached behind the radiator, shaking fingers grabbing ahold of the box.

His saviour.

And he always stared down at it, knowing he shouldn't, Grace always warned him of the danger of Codeine, about how she wasn't keen on prescribing it to him during chemo, but giving in in the end because the pain got too much.

Oh, how he wishes he could give it up like he could then, but he can't. There's an itch within him, and something has to give, over the counter stuff don't scratch it at all, neither does Codeine, but at least it makes it so he can manage a day.

He was stupid, should've thought about how long they would be travelling together, and he did, the Doc said they were only going on a one week trip, something to break the ice after the last incident that put Graham in the situation that he's in now.

But that week turned into two, stuck on some planet somewhere, the TARDIS out of reach, his supply of Codeine running lower and lower and then completely out.

His hand clutches around his stomach because if it doesn't, he's going to throw up and then questions will be asked, but if he can get ahold of that stuff, whatever it was that the Doc gave him then it'll be all right, he'll be fine.

Everything else can be dealt with when he gets back to Earth, course he'll have to go to a different pharmacy, maybe even a doctor because his current one is now getting reluctant to give him more.

Then there's the guilt that he's abusing the system to get his fix, but it's not bad, is it? It's not like he's buying drugs and smoking them, it's just over the counter, that's not illegal-

-That's naive stupidity, Graham, and you know it-

His rational side tells him instantly.

He decides to ignore it and continue onwards, sighing with relief when he finally finds the medical bay.

Graham walks in, sniffing away his runny nose as he strides towards the cupboards, hands ripping them open as he searches through them for the nectar he needs.

Yellow, purple, green, red-

He throws them all out on the side and moves to the next cupboard, repeating the process until his shaking hand wraps around the bottle filled with the blue liquid.

This is different to the Codeine because with them it's a matter of popping one out from the foil package, filling a glass with water and taking them or swallowing them dry. He places the bottle down and looks around the room, eyes locking on a syringe on the opposite counter.

Graham finds his feet moving there before he's even put a thought into it because nothing else matters, he needs it, just this once, then afterwards he'll try to sort out his issues, anything, but for now, all he knows is that this will help with the agony he feels in-

"Graham," His head shoots up, eyes snapping to the Doctor. "Put the syringe down."

Graham looks back at his hand and then the blue liquid over the other side of the room. He turns to the Doctor again.

"Don't," The Doctor steps further into the room.

"I was just looking-" He lies like he's done for the last few weeks. "I wasn't doing anything."

"Oh," The Doctor walks towards the blue liquid, and he sucks in a breath when she picks it up. "Why did you want this?"

"As I said, I was just looking at it, Doc."

The Doctor nods, mouth pressed into a thin line, eyebrows pointing upwards. "So, you won't mind if I do this then-" She drops the bottle, stepping back when Graham moves for it, hands missing the catch as it smashes to the floor.

Graham touches the liquid coating the floor, and he feels anger, red hot anger at the Doctor who took away- His head snaps up. "Why'd you do that for?"

"Butterfingers-"

"No," Graham stands, eyes boring into her. "You did that on purpose just to spite me," The Doctor blinks at that, surprise lighting up her face. He throws the syringe down, allowing it to clatter into the puddle. "I need-"

"Graham," The Doctor speaks, eyes matching his gaze and forcing him to turn away from her. "I think I know what the matter is-"

"There's nothing wrong with me," Graham fibs, unable to face the truth that there is something wrong with him. "I was just-" He flinches when he feels a hand touching his. "What are you doing?"

"Seeing, feeling," The Doctor murmurs, eyes closing and then opening in sadness and guilt. He yanks his hand away from her. "Graham-"

"I'm going back to-"

The Doctor steps forward. "Why haven't you told us?"

"Told you what?"

"No," The Doctor shakes her head. "Why don't they know out there, Ryan and Jack, they live with you, they would've known that you're addicted-"

"I'm not a bloody addict," Graham snaps at her. "Everything I do is legal; I'm not like- like-"

"Other addicts," The Doctor finishes for him. "I'm not judging you, Graham, I never would judge you."

Graham stares at her, the rings under his eyes showing the pain behind them, cheeks thinner than they were. "I can't-" He pulls at his hair before heading backwards and crashing into the wall. He slides down it, slumping to the floor. "I need it, Doctor, I need it like anything, it hurts-"

The Doctor hears the door fly open and she glances at it, spotting Jack, Ryan, and Yaz looking panicked. She shakes her head at them before turning back to Graham again. "I shouldn't have given you that dose, and I'm sorry I did," She admits as she comes and sits next to him. "And I shouldn't have let you go back, but I-" She stares ahead, ignoring the looks from the others aimed at her. "-I was ashamed that I let you get hurt the way you did, and that I couldn't heal the scarring-" Graham looks down into his lap, body trembling from his crying and withdrawal. "-but I can help you now."

"How?" Graham mumbles under his breath.

"First thing first," The Doctor nods at the others, indicating for them to enter now. "I think three people need to know-"

"I think I already know, Doctor," Yaz steps forward. "Well, this only confirmed it, but someone mentioned something to me, I never had the chance to check-"

Jack steps past them all and comes towards Graham, kneeling down next to him. He takes his hand in his, ignoring the clammy feeling. "I think, on some level, we all knew something was up with him, but he hid it from all of us-"

"Didn't mean to," Graham mutters. "I wasn't doing anything illegal."

"Never said you were, grandad," Ryan walks forward. "I'm not sure I follow what is happening."

"When you and Yaz left the medical bay a few weeks ago," Jack begins. He brings Graham's hand up to his mouth, kissing it gently. "I requested that the Doctor give him more of that pain relief-"

"And I did," The Doctor tacks on. "Even when I knew the side effects of it-"

"Graham," Jack soothes him. "This is all my fault; I asked the Doctor-"

"No," Graham finally looks up. He stares at Jack. "I told you to do it; I knew what you were saying-" He points out. "-I just-" His head hits the back wall. "-it was too much, the shakes, the aches in my limbs, I tried to sort it with over the counter tablets, but it did nothing to ease it, so I went with something stronger, it helped until it didn't, so I told a lie, said there was a pain in my lower back, my doctor had no reason to suspect, kept up the act, got what I wanted-" He sighs. "Until I ran out here, our last trip went on longer than I thought, didn't plan it right-"

"And how has it been since you had-" The Doctor frowns. "What have you been taking?"

Graham looks at her. "Codeine," He answers with a slight shrug. "Said it wasn't illegal," He snorts with faux amusement. "But to answer your question, it's been a few days, was hoping I could find something in the meantime, but I couldn't, so I came here to find that liquid again-"

The Doctor turns to look at the seeping liquid. "I knew where you were going, Graham," She admits. "Told the TARDIS to replace everything in here with a placebo," She turns and faces him again. "I can give you something-"

"Doctor?" Ryan frowns at her. "We shouldn't be enabling him, should we?"

"It's not enabling him, Ryan," The Doctor stares at the youngest member. "It's making it so he's not going to go through cold turkey," She turns back to Graham again. "But you need more than lowering the dose, Graham."

Graham looks down again, and he nods. "I know."

"And I can't have you here while you're going through that, because you won't mean it, you'll go looking for something," The Doctor states. "But that's not to say we're going to travel without you," She reaches forward which is rare for her, but this is as much her fault as it is Jack's.

She doesn't fault Graham one bit; they shouldn't have listened to the cries of a man going through severe pain.

"We'll be with you," The Doctor says. "Every step of the way, we'll all be there for you."

"Yeah," Jack squeezes Graham's hand. "Ain't gonna get rid of us at all, mate."

Ryan settles himself on the floor, he knows Yaz probably won't say much, but she's here with her support. "I had a mate, doesn't matter what his name is, but he went through something like this," He explains. "Got arrested for possession of a class B."

"What happened to him?"

Ryan glances towards Yaz. "Chose rehab, got clean, joined a group, perfectly safe, and no one judges you-" He looks back at Graham. "-we'll get through this together, and when you're better, then I'll get you in touch with him, all right? None of your mates has to know what you're doing, gramps."

Graham can only nod in response, lost for words for the most part at how understanding they all are, which makes sense, they're all good people. "Thanks."

The Doctor pats him on the knee before standing and heading over to a cupboard that wasn't there before. "Graham," She looks at him. "Only I will have access to this; the TARDIS won't let you in here again."

"I understand."

"Good," The Doctor nods before she heads off to fill up a glass of water. She kneels next to him again, one hand holding out the water, the other a small tablet. "It's going to be hard, but we're all here for you."

"I know, Doc," Graham breathes as he reaches out shakily to the offered items. He takes them without thought, swallowing it down and leaning back. "But I can do it, 'cos I have to do it," He exhales, eyes closing.

"Yeah, you can," The Doctor nods at him. "And I have the perfect place we can land, all the fresh air you'll need," She stands up. "Secluded, unsettled, safe, perfect for us."


	23. Found Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from the alt list because today's actual prompt is something that makes me go jfdslkfjklsdjkldjklsgjlkj;ja;jg;j;gjd;sj;
> 
> carries on from yesterday's prompt

True to her word, Graham wasn't allowed back into the TARDIS by himself. Anything they needed for their impromptu stay on this unsettled world, hidden in galaxies behind galaxies, lost to the ages, it's name forgotten, was fetched from the TARDIS by Ryan, Yaz, Jack, or the Doctor herself.

There were the obvious occasions when he was allowed back in, but it was always with Jack escorting him to the bathroom, staying with him.

And Graham will admit that it bothered him, the lack of trust, being treated like a prisoner or a child, or worse, what he actually is, an addict, but he knows that the Doctor was correct in her assessment judging by the first night that the withdrawal got terrible.

God, he thinks he yelled at Jack, condemned him and the Doc for everything. Course, they never blamed him; they just let him work it out of his system even though he knows they blame themselves.

But he still drove and twisted that knife in.

Ryan went with him into the TARDIS after that because just being around Jack made it difficult for the pair of them. They slept separately, Jack being in the TARDIS, him outside in the futuristic tent. His mood only got worse and worse and was all over the shop, mainly anger and frustration, begging for relief.

Crying.

And it still happens now, just not as much. Yeah, his mood is low, but is anyone surprised by that? He was the last person he ever expected to become addicted, and it really wasn't his choice, of course, his mood is low, they're not the ones dealing with it. To use something the Doc once said.

He's at the summit, alone.

Or something, he did give them the go-ahead to proceed with the IV, so it's on him, technically, but he was in tremendous pain, who could blame him?

There's a stream running over his feet, cooling them, grounding him. It's nice if not a bit uncomfortable, the rock he's sat on really isn't the softest thing he's ever sat on, but it's quiet here, and he's making the most of it for as long as he can.

Strange looking birds fly in the sky; creatures look at him from the other side of the stream. They drink freely from the water because they have no reason to fear humans.

It's nice.

Graham likes watching the horned animals potter about. The Doctor might've mentioned what they were called, but he probably wasn't listening.

He exhales and pulls his feet from the chilly water, shaking them off before pulling himself up and heading back towards their camp because as much as he doesn't want it to go, it's time to go. Graham hears Ryan before he sees him.

The lad has been good. He's been reading and reading, even messaging his mate, asking questions on behalf of him. It's great that he's trying, but even then, that just makes Graham feel even more guilty because the only reason they're here is because of him.

Yaz missed her family, Ryan missed all of his mates all because he couldn't be trusted in the TARDIS and he couldn't be trusted on Earth.

"Gramps," Ryan calls out. "Are you ready to go?"

Graham faces Ryan, sighing gently. "Yeah, 'spose so," He decides to say as he makes his way over to Ryan and Yaz. He joins them on the grassy floor. "Seen Jack or the Doc?"

"You're still not talking to them?"

Graham shrugs and picks at the grass around him. "Don't really see the need to, I said what I said to them, can't see why we need to say more."

"Graham," Yaz tries, and he glances towards her. "You need to talk to them."

"Why would they want to talk to me?" Graham finds himself saying. "I shouted at them, blamed them, why would anyone want to put up with that when this entire thing is my doing?"

"You are going through something-"

"That's not an excuse, Ryan," Graham stares at him. "I snapped at you before, never said sorry for that, too late to do it now."

Ryan shares a glance with Yaz. He indicates for her to move on, to let him talk to Graham alone. Graham watches her as she gets up with a frown. "It's just us now, Graham."

"She probably hates me as well for making her stay here when her sister is ill," Graham mutters darkly. "You're only putting up with me because you feel like you have to as a service to Grace, it would just be better if you let me carry on alone, so I ain't a burden."

Ryan rubs a hand down his face. "Is that you speaking, or is it something else?"

"Something else," Graham murmurs. "I know they don't hate me, Ryan, I know that, but I'm not a good person to be around because everything I've learnt about people like me makes me aware that we're not good people."

"You know that's crap," Ryan states. "You never hurt anybody," He reminds with a look. "Only yourself, in the long run, but you never stole anything to get what you needed and, let's say you did steal or hurt someone, we would still be standing behind you 'cos like it or not, we're all your family even if you're too pig-headed and stubborn to see it."

"Thanks," Graham replies sarcastically. "Makes me feel loads better."

"You know I never meant it like that, grandad," Ryan points out. "Why are you punishing yourself?"

Graham looks down and into his lap. He raises a hand and rubs it across his chest, fingers trailing across the scarred skin that started this off. "I- I don't know, Ryan," He looks up. "Jack hasn't spoken to me."

"Because he's giving you space, you have to admit that his presence made you worse in some aspects."

"Not because of him, though."

"No."

Graham exhales. "The Doc doesn't have me on anything now, but the itch is there, not as much, but it's there."

"That's good," Ryan nods at him. "You know we're heading back to Earth, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"Worried?"

Graham faces Ryan. "Extremely worried because what if I slip, give in and start it all back up again."

"We'll be there for you," Ryan gets up and walks over to Graham. He extends a hand down to the man. "And you have those groups that I arranged, give your thanks to the Doctor that she managed to sync my phone up with Earth."

Graham stares at the hand for a moment before reaching forward and allowing Ryan to help him to his feet. "Do I have to tell my doctor back on Earth?"

Ryan shrugs. "I don't know, gramps, really I don't, but they probably need to know, like, to go on your record and stuff 'cos the last thing you need is them prescribing it to you, othering that chance on a platter."

"Telling them makes it real though," Graham mumbles. "At the moment they don't know, it just exists on this planet-"

"It doesn't, Graham," Ryan says wisely. "Because it started back on Earth, you just went through withdrawal and rehab here."

"Which I'm still dealing with now," Graham reminds. "How does she know I'll be able to handle it back on Earth 'cos I'll have the option of going to a shop and buying it-"

"But you won't," Ryan side-eyes Graham as they make the trip back towards the TARDIS. "Because you're one of the strongest people I know-"

"I really ain't though-"

"Fine, you're an idiot as well, then."

Graham frowns at Ryan. "Hey-"

Ryan grins at him as he holds the door open to the TARDIS for Graham. "Just get in, go and find Jack, and I can't believe I'm the one saying this, but give him a kiss for god sake, if I have to see him pouting around the breakfast table anymore I'll end up kissing him myself."

Graham smiles at that and nods.

He knows the trust they're putting into him right now because Ryan is letting him walk through the TARDIS alone.

Even as much as he might want to go looking for the medical bay, he doesn't because Ryan is right, there is someone, well two people he needs to make up with, but one is far more important than the other at the moment, and that outweighs the itch.

He breathes out when he's stood outside the familiar door. His hand knocks against it before moving to the handle and pushing. He steps in and stares at the man inside. "Jack."

"Graham."

"I'm-"

Jack raises a hand and closes the distance between them. "You don't have to say anything, mate," He declares as he pulls Graham into a bone-crushing hug. "I know, believe me, I know what it's like for someone to go through this."

Graham leans into the hug, hands clinging against Jack's shirt, his nose breathing in his pleasant scent. "I need to say it though, 'cos if I don't, then it means nothing," He explains. "I'm sorry, Jack, for everything, I didn't mean anything I said to you."

"Accepted," Jack reassures quickly. He leans back and takes Graham's face in his hands. "You knew that, though."

Their eyes meet, both filled with barely contained emotion. Jack moves first, leaning forward and capturing Graham's mouth in a passionate kiss. It mirrors their first meeting; only Graham returns it this time, eagerly. Jack breaks it, his forehead now resting against Graham's. "I don't say it, you know I don't-"

"Yeah."

"-But you mean a lot to me," Jack continues. "Like everyone before-"

"And every one after me, Jack," Graham finishes for him. "You don't have to say it, but I want you to know," He stares into Jack's light blue eyes. "That I love you, and thank you, for being here even if I pushed you away."

Jack lifts his head and pulls Graham into another hug. He rests his chin on the shorter man's head. "We're your family," He whispers. "You could never push us away."


	24. Stitches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short fun one today from the alt list which i have used and abused

"Stop fidgeting, Ryan," The Doctor frowns up at the lad. "I can't stitch you up if you're fidgeting."

"I don't like needles-" Ryan complains. "-they make me feel weird."

"Your nan was a nurse."

Ryan looks down at the Doctor with an incredulous expression. "What has that got to do with me not liking needles?"

"I'm just saying that she was a nurse-"

"And Graham hates needles as well," Ryan counters with a raised eyebrow. "Just 'cos he married her, and she was my nan, don't mean we like needles, bet Jack dislikes them as well."

"Yaz is fine with them."

"That's Yaz, she's not us, is- Ow," Ryan glares at the Doctor. "You did that on purpose."

"I did not," The Doctor scowls back. "You were moving."

"I was not!"

There's an audible sigh that shuts Ryan's mouth the moment it closes. They both look towards Jack, stood in the doorway, arms folded. "It's just a cut on his arm, Doctor."

"It was bleeding a lot."

Jack rolls his eyes and saunters in. "I've seen worse-" He glances towards the Doctor. "Why didn't you just glue it?"

"You mean she didn't have to stab me with a needle?"

Jack peers at the cut. "Glueing would've worked fine," He pulls back. "That'll scar either way, which for you, Ryan, is a bonus because people dig scars."

"Shame you don't have any then," Ryan snarks at Jack. "I'll have everyone after me."

"I don't need scars to pull, Ryan," Jack grins at the lad, wolfish. "I already pulled your grandad."

"Yeah, well, that's not a reason to brag 'cos I bet Graham would sell us out to the Master for a cheese and pickle sarnie."

Jack bursts out, laughing at that. "I'm telling him."

"No, don't," Ryan frets in an instant. "I was just- Ow," He pulls his arm away from the Doctor, eyeing it. "You've just been poking me with a needle all this time!"

"I said you had to stop fidgeting, Ryan."

"Just glue it," Jack puts forward again. "Cos Graham and Yaz are wondering where you and the Doc got to."

"We haven't been gone for long-"

Jack lifts his right arm and stares at his watch. "It's been a few hours," He glances towards Ryan's arm again. "How did you manage to cut your arm in only a few hours, Ryan?"

"Long story," Ryan mutters as he stares at the Doctor accusingly.

"Uh-huh," Jack remains unconvinced. "Anyway, do as I say, glue it and then join us."

The Doctor nods and lays the sewing kit down. "Well," She looks sheepish for a moment. "I could just use that cream I have-"

Ryan slow blinks at her. "You mean you had it all this time?"

"Yes, but it's for emergencies-"

"You could've just used it on me like Graham used it for his rash-"

Jack's eyebrow quirks. "What rash?"

"Ages ago, he complained about this rash, we poked fun at him about where it was, really wound him up, but anything, the Doctor had this cream, healed it right up-"

"Doctor," Jack looks towards the alien woman. "Why didn't you use it?"

The Doctor shrugs. "Wanted to see if I still knew how to do stitches, turns out I do-" Her eyes flick to Ryan. "-If my patients remained still during it."

Jack sighs and turns from the medical bay. "Well, glad we got that sorted out," He shakes his head. "I'm gonna tell Graham-"

"Don't you dare, Jack!"

"I'm doing it."

"I hate you," Ryan yells after Jack's giggling retreat. "I bloody hate you, Captain Jack Harkness!"


	25. Disorientation

This should not have happened. She should've left when she realised the danger, but she had to get involved, had to try, had to interfere, and now they're locked in a cell. The Doctor sighs and leans down to check the sole other occupant lying next to her. She examines the wound above his eye again and frowns. "Come on, Graham, you should've woken up by now."

As expected, she doesn't get a reply. It's roughly several minutes later before he starts stirring, hands instinctively going towards the injury above his right eye. She bats his hands away lightly because she doesn't need him prodding it. "How are you doing, Graham?" The Doctor probes, concern for him evident on her face. "You've got a head injury, a nasty one, try not to move too much, okay?"

"Head injury?" Graham murmurs in response. "That's why I hurt then-"

"Yeah," The Doctor gently rests her hand on his shoulder. "Help will come for us."

"Help me up," Graham requests slowly.

"I don't think it's a good idea, Graham."

Graham groans and tries to look at her. "I'm gonna ache if I have to lie on this cold floor for very much longer. No, that I don't ache already."

The Doctor glances down at him and sighs. "Very well, but you have to tell me if you feel worse," She leans down and slowly helps him into a sitting position, intently watching as he staggers. "You all right, Graham?"

"Yeah, maybe."

His face is ashen, the right side covered in his own blood. Her own hands covered in his blood. The sinking feeling coming back to her, he's hurt because she didn't know when to stop.

"What happened?" Graham mumbles, closing his eyes for a moment to try and stop the room from spinning. "God, I feel sick."

"Are you going to be sick?"

"Dunno," Graham groans. "Where's Jack?"

"Just Jack?"

"You know, the others, uh-" Graham pauses. "-Ryan, yeah, and Yaz, her as well."

The Doctor lowers her head down a tad. She shuffles in such a way to allow for Graham to rest against her. She wouldn't normally get this close, and Graham would most definitely refuse to use her as a pillow under any other circumstance, but he hasn't, and that's concerning, so she'll bare it this time.

"Once we're back in the TARDIS, Graham, I'll have you sorted out in a jiffy," She looks at him. "I've stopped the bleeding, so that's good, but you've been unconscious for a while now."

Graham tries to nod and immediately regrets that poor decision, instead he settles for a weak thumbs up.

"Do you remember much?" Graham waves his hand in the air and hums in response. "Right, well, luckily Ryan, Yaz, and Jack weren't with us at the time," The Doctor informs him. "They're out there, which means they'll get us out."

Graham takes a moment to catch up to the conversation. "Wait, why aren't you-" He wavers. "-You know the-" Because the word is lost to him for the moment he decides to make the motion of the sonic with his left hand. "That thing."

Okay, head injury making him forget things, that's not good the Doctor decides. She really needs to get him back to The TARDIS. "It doesn't do wood, Graham."

"It doesn't do wood?" Graham repeats with surprise only to wince. He reaches a hand up to his face and feels dampness on his skin. He takes a look, and his brain takes a moment to realise its blood. 

His blood.

Oh, this is not good because now he feels woozy.

"Never thought about making- do wood. We do tend to end- cells." Graham slurs, his head now lolling down against his chest. "Don't- wood- stupid, no point."

The Doctor looks back down at him startled. "No, come on, Graham, stay awake, can't have you losing consciousness again. Come on, Jack is on his way to us right now, but I just need you to stay awake, can't have him kissing you when you're napping now, can we?"

"You hate it when we kiss, always pull a face at it like you're my dad, he hated it, hated me," Graham murmurs, weakly while lifting his head back up to lean on her shoulder again. 

"Graham?" The Doctor looks at him with sadness. "What do you mean by your dad hated you?"

"Gay, though not gay, hated me," Graham answers. "Mum was fine, stopped him, then it was just us, kicked me out 'cos he found out I had a boyfriend, great bloke he was, but my dad didn't like it."

"Oh, Graham," The Doctor stares at the older human, an elder by human standards, a mere child for her. She wraps an arm around him, shaking her head slightly at the fathering nature to it. "Been a dad before."

"You said," Graham speaks. "Maybe it's why I was a prick to Aaron, saw my dad."

"Doubt you were that, Graham," The Doctor says. "Difficult maybe, but not that."

"I don't remember, Doc, what hit me? Was it a bus? Feels like a bus." He rattles off, signalling he's switched topics.

"Well, when they started to arrest me, you thought it would be a great idea to mouth off at my rough treatment. They didn't take too kindly to it." The Doctor reveals. "This is all my fault."

"No."

"No?"

"No, Doc," Graham decides. "Not your fault."

The Doctor takes Graham's hand in hers; skin to skin contact is rare for her. "You're a good man, Graham," She squeezes his hand. "I would be proud to call you my son."

"But you-"

"Alien, Graham," The Doctor speaks like she's talking to a child. "I'm a lot older than you."

"Yeah," Graham agrees as he closes his eyes. "Jack tells me the same."

The Doctor smiles at that. "So, you like him then?"

"Course, I do, he's great," Graham replies after a moment. "He understands, Doc."

"About Grace?"

Graham hums. "Yeah, he lost Ianto, so he gets it."

The Doctor glances down to Graham. "Never got the chance to meet Ianto or Jack's team, saw them, should have checked in on Jack a lot sooner."

"Maybe, but he doesn't mind, Doc," Graham mutters against her. "I love him, never thought I could love someone after Grace."

The wheezing sound of the TARDIS causes Graham to shut up and the Doctor to blink at the bleeding of blue into their cell. As soon as it's solid, the door flies open, and Jack strides out, coat billowing out behind him. He ignores the Doctor for once, intent on only meeting Graham in a long kiss.

"Never do that again, Graham," Jack demands of him as he picks him up. "See you in the medical bay, Doctor, Ryan and Yaz are already there," He turns. "And fly us away from here, please, before I do something that I won't regret, but Graham will be disappointed about."


	26. Concussion

She digs and digs, hands raw with blood and grime. Fights off the people trying to help, screaming for her friends.

"They're alive; they're alive-"

Repeating.

A mantra.

"They're alive; they're alive-"

"Doctor-"

She feels strong hands on her arms, yanking her away and into a vice grip.

She pulls away, knees slamming back against the rubble and dirt and blood. "They're alive; they're alive-" She starts again. "They're alive; they're alive."

The person who grabbed who crouches down to her level, knees bent, hands tugging at her arms again, forcing her to look into his pale blue eyes. "Doctor, you need to stop-"

Her hands' clench.

"You're just hurting yourself here, come with me, we'll get you treated-"

"How can I get treated when they're under there, Jack," She snarls at him. "How can you act so calm when Graham could be dying-"

She knows she shouldn't have said that.

That it was a low blow, but how can he suggest she give up when they're-

"They're alive, Doctor," Jack breaks her monologue. "They weren't even in this side of the building."

"What?" She sags, strength leaving her. "But I saw them-" She frowns, head pinging all over with pain. "-no, the general, he taunted me, said he had them here-"

"He lied, Doctor," Jack reassures her. "It was a lie to bring you here, to make you rescue no one so that he could destroy the building with you in it."

She slumps forward, and Jack catches her. She feels him scoop her up and she has half a mind to tell him to put her back down, but she doesn't.

She clings to his coat instead as he takes her away from the debris and towards a different building.

There's a commotion in an instant, three pairs of voices yelling all at once, and she screws her eyes shut.

"Guys," She hears Jack's voice from above. "She's alive-"

"Oh, thank god," She exhales at the sound of Graham's voice, clear as day in the silence.

She feels Jack move again, and before long, she feels the softness of a bed beneath her.

Her eyes flutter open once, flicking across the four faces staring at her and all she can do is smile briefly before unconsciousness wins out.

And she drifts, voices on the edge of her awareness like she's underwater as they speak.

Eventually, it clears, and she cracks open her eyes, subtle, can't let them know she's watching them. Ryan is propped up against a wall, his body awkwardly sleeping in an ill-fitting chair.

Yaz has settled on the chair nearest her, and it seems Graham has decided to lay his brown leather jacket over her like a blanket. She looks peaceful if it's not for the little bits of dust clinging to her hair like static.

She turns her head in the other direction and onto a sofa. Graham has laid himself down onto of Jack, both sharing his coat as a cover.

"You're awake," She hears Jack whisper ever so quietly, careful as not to disturb the man sharing the sofa with him. "Can tell."

"Jack-"

"Shh," Jack interjects. "Just rest, Doctor, you look like you need it-"

"But what about the general-"

Jack smiles at her as one hand plays with Graham's hair. "Sorted," He tells her with a nod. "The Doctor way, not the Torchwood way-"

"Thank you, Jack."

"Just doing my job, Doctor," Jack smiles at her. "Seriously, though, we have it-" He pauses when Graham shifts. "-covered, all right?"

She feels the losing battle approaching and can only nod in response before she finds herself slipping away once more.

With one thought running through her mind-

_"They're alive; they're alive."_


	27. Power Outage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is hardly whump
> 
> well, maybe it's whump for ryan's mental health
> 
> because, oh boy, it's, uh
> 
> borders on the mature side

"Hmm."

"Hmm?"

"Yes, Ryan, hmm," Graham turns and stares at the lad, wincing at the torch aimed at his face. He knocks it away so it's facing the kitchen floor. "It's not our power that's gone wrong-"

"Are you sure?"

Graham presses a hand against the bridge of his nose. "Positive, Ryan, I did rewire the house, didn't I?" He mentions. "I am a trained electrician-"

"You are?" Graham squints at Jack, obscured by the darkness of the hallway. "What made you change from that?"

"Lack of a proper home life," Graham shrugs as he places the board back over the fusebox. "I wasn't one who went out to homes, I went out to factories, that sort of thing, so-" He glances towards his family with a soft smile. "-it wasn't exactly the maker of a great relationship when nine times out of ten I was in a crappy B&B when my boyfriend, girlfriend, whoever I was dating was at home."

"All right, fair point," Jack agrees, a smirk lighting upon his face in the darkness.

"Wonder if Yaz has power?"

"Why don't you go and phone her, Ryan?" Jack suggests with a nod towards his phone. "Me and Graham have it handled here."

"Ah, yeah," Ryan wanders off, taking the light from his phone with him.

Graham frowns after him before turning to where Jack was last. "I can't see anything now, Jack."

"Neither can Ryan," Jack whispers suggestively, and Graham finds himself being moved gently backwards and up against the kitchen wall.

"Oh, um," Graham flounders on the spot. "Jack, Ryan is here-" He mutters. "-he can find us."

"What?" Jack murmurs innocently. "I'm not doing anything."

"Oh, yeah, silly me," Graham rolls his eyes. "You just decided to press up against me by sheer accident, my mistake-"

Jack leans down, breath hot against Graham's neck. "Are you going to tell me to stop?"

Graham considers it for a brief moment. "No."

"That's what I thought."

-

"So you have a power cut as well?" Ryan questions over the phone.

"Ryan, we're probably on the same network," Yaz replies. "It's probably all of Sheffield."

"Yeah, but if it was all of Sheffield then we wouldn't have signal, would we?"

Yaz could facepalm, she really could. "The Doctor messed with our phones, remember?" She reminds as gently as she can. "If Sonya knew I had access to my phone she'd be begging to use it right now because at the moment she's complaining to dad about it."

Yaz hears Ryan laugh down the line. "What about you guys?"

"Graham checked the fusebox, said it wasn't the house, you confirmed he was right," Ryan answers her question. "I left them to come and phone you."

Yaz pulls her phone away for a moment to check the time. Hmm, she could, it's not that late. "Want me to come round?" She suggests. "I'll have more fun with you lot over Sonya moaning about her phone."

"Uh, sure," Ryan agrees to it. "I'll meet you halfway-"

"Ryan, you don't have to-"

"Nah, I do," Ryan says as a final line before she hears the line ending.

Yaz shakes her head with a smile. She stands and begins getting ready to leave, spotting her sister on her way out.

"Where are you heading off to?"

"Ryan's," Yaz answers just as she reaches the door. "We're just gonna catch up-"

"During a power outage?" Sonya frowns at her as she raises her signaless phone. "I don't think it's safe-"

"Sonya," Yaz says fondly. "I'm a police officer, and Ryan is meeting me halfway, it'll be fine."

"Okay," Sonya steps forward and rests her free hand on Yaz's shoulder. "Tell me if you stay over there so you don't worry me."

"I will," Yaz promises. "And I'm meeting Graham and Jack as well; they're there."

Sonya's eyebrow raises at that. "It's true, then?"

"What?"

"Ryan was complaining about your weird old friend and your other weird old friend; I was listening-"

"Why were you listening to?" Sonya smirks at her and Yaz rolls her eyes. "You're still not getting Ryan's number."

"I dunno, if it gives me a gay grandad-"

"He's not gay, Sonya," Yaz corrects almost instinctively. "You know he was married to Ryan's nan." Then she frowns at her sister. "Anyway, I'm not going to talk to you about Graham and Jack."

"Spoil-sport," Sonya sighs. "All right, fine, go and talk to Ryan, leave me here to listen to dad going on about this being a conspiracy."

"You're so dramatic," Yaz shakes her head as she leaves her flat.

It's not a long walk, and soon enough she spots Ryan walking her way, one arm waving to try and grab her attention.

"At least the street lamps are working," Ryan says the moment Yaz meets up with him.

"They work on a different system, I think," Yaz glances up at them. "Shame the Doctor isn't here."

"Yeah," Ryan nods as they both turn to head back towards his house. "She could make it so we skip this, seriously, I was gonna play Among Us with my mates."

Yaz laughs and shakes her head again. "We can have a chat instead, bet Graham has a bunch of snacks hidden away."

Ryan smirks at that. "Oh, he does," He glances towards Yaz. "And he thinks I don't know where he hides them."

"Where does he hide them?"

"Ah, now that would be telling, Yaz," Ryan taps his nose before gesturing for Yaz to proceed up his garden path. "Bet he's stuffing his face with them now." He decides as he unlocks the door and enters. "Follow me," Ryan whispers, keeping his voice as low as possible. "And I'll get the good stuff."

Ryan leads her towards the kitchen, one hand pushing the door open just as the lights flicker back on and it's in that moment that Ryan wishes he could do one of two things.

Actually reverse time.

Or-

Well, no, that was it really.

He supposes the other thing was he's never seen Graham move that fast or seen the biggest shit-eating grin on Jack's face.

And that is saying something.

"I thought you left!" Graham all but yells as he struggles to do whatever it is he's trying to do. His dignity packed it's bags and left the house for any of that to matter right about now.

Ryan has slapped his hands over his eyes like a nun witnessing sin for the first time ever in history. "I did, but-"

"Oh my god," Graham turns red the moment he spots Yaz just behind Ryan, eyes wide, expression leaning towards 'You are never living this down, Graham.' and he'd deserve it. "It's Jack fault, not mine!"

"Me?" Jack stares at Graham. "You hardly told me to stop, Graham, if anything you wanted me to-"

"I don't need to hear this," Ryan cringes. "I'm going to go and pour bleach into my eyes because-" He points at the dishevelled Graham. "-I will never not be unable to see this, so thanks for that 'cos you will be paying for my therapy."

"Come on," Yaz gently loops her arm through Ryan's. "Power is back on now, you can come to ours for dinner, while they find a better place to, yeah, um," She pushes Ryan from the room before looking Graham in the eye. "Seriously, Graham, you should know the kitchen is a place for eating-"

Jack can't help it, he sees his goal, and he just has to shoot for it. "Oh, he was going to eat something that's for certain-"

Ryan legs it to the sound of Graham spluttering in outrage, Jack roaring with laughter, and Yaz wondering if continuing a friendship with the Sinclair-O'Brien-Harkness household is worth it anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> graham has zero dignity remaining


	28. Accidents

"Step into the teleporter," The Doctor orders, pushing Graham into it along with Jack. "It's got enough power left for one jump-"

"And what about you, Doc?"

"I'll be along after you once Jack hands over his space hopper-" The Doctor reassures. "Ryan and Yaz are waiting on the other side with the crew; it's just us now-"

"Doc-"

"Graham, it's fine, honestly."

"Trust the Doctor, Graham," Jack says, eyes locking against hers. He removes his Vortex Manipulator and throws it to the Doctor. "I want that back," He says with a point. "The way it is now, all right?"

"Yes, yes," The Doctor promises. "Now go-"

Graham watches the Doctor with worry. He closes his eyes when he's engulfed by bright blue light, only opening them again when his feet hit solid ground. His stomach feels like he's eaten something that it absolutely hasn't agreed with. "Never doing that again, I feel all-" Graham pauses, frowning deeply because that didn't sound right.

"Graham!" Ryan calls out. "Yaz, they're in here," His voice carries through the building. "You had us worried there for a second, gramps."

Graham expected Ryan to grab him into a hug, or at least put a hand on his back, or something, but he doesn't; instead, Graham hears a surprised yelp, and he looks up, colour draining from his face in an instant.

Stood in front of him is, well, himself. Eyes wide and staring down at Ryan with a coy look. A look he recognises just as quickly, horror building when he sees his mouth opening-

"Jack, don't!" Graham all but shouts, dragging attention to him. "For god's sake, don't, not now."

Jack, well he hopes it's Jack anyway, looks over to him, coy look turning into a huge grin. "Well, this is new."

Ryan releases his body, confusing flickering across his face. "What is happening?"

"Jack?" Graham says, dreading the answer. "Please tell me that this isn't happening."

"Graham, it is happening," Jack responds, stepping closer and giving himself a once over. "Not bad-" He taps his own ass. "-still have it."

"Did you just flirt with yourself?"

"No, I flirted with you."

"You flirted with your body, though."

"True, but you don't ever get to see what you look like from the outside," Jack says as he continues to walk around Graham. "And I do look fine."

Graham spins, eyes narrowing at Jack. "What are you doing?"

"Checking out the goods," Jack replies. "I got some grey hairs on the back of my head."

"Yaz," Ryan mutters. "Please tell me you understand what is going on because Graham is not acting himself-"

"Honestly, Ryan, I haven't a clue," Yaz answers with a shake of her head.

There's a rip in the fabric of space and time, breaking apart the moment which is quickly followed by a groan of displeasure. "It really is like a space hopper, horrible way to travel."

"Hey, that's rude," Jack says, offended just as the Doctor takes off the Vortex Manipulator and throws it to Graham who fumbles for the catch. "Watch it, Doctor," He says, snatching the device from Graham and fixing it to his, well, Graham's wrist. "This cost me a lot of money."

"Graham, what are you doing?" The Doctor wonders, clearly puzzled. "That isn't yours, do you even know how to use it?"

Jack glances up at the Doctor. "Oh, I'm putting on my-" He trails away when Graham nudges him. "Oh, right, you don't know."

"Know what?" The Doctor asks, eyes flicking between all of them.

"Honestly, Doctor, me and Yaz have no bloody idea either," Ryan informs. "They just started acting weird-" He frowns. "-weirder than normal that is."

"You!" Graham snaps.

"Me?" The Doctor frowns. "What have I done?

"Your stupid teleporter messed up!" Graham yells. "And now Jack is parading around in my body and slapping his own ass-"

"I don't parade."

"Oh, you do, mate," Ryan states.

"You're not my fav anymore."

"I wasn't your fav anyway," Ryan points out, eyes flicking to a flustered looking Graham. "Might've been in the beginning before you and him got together and-" He pauses, frowning. "I'm not going to finish that sentence."

Yaz pats him on the back, offering him a smile in sympathy. "Best not to, Ryan, we don't need a repeat of last time."

The Doctor points at Jack's body. "Graham?"

"Yes!"

"Ah," She nods. "This is a pickle."

"It's more than a bloody pickle, Doc, I am currently in Jack's body-"

"Graham, please, you're making me look hysterical," Jack says, sitting back against a nearby console. "The Doctor will figure this out," He smiles. "I once spent time as a-"

"I don't need to know," Graham interjects before taking a deep breath. "Can you fix this Doctor?"

"Probably, maybe," The Doctor replies with a shrug. "Need to figure out what was done first."

"The teleporter is a good start," Jack points out.

The Doctor nods once before bending a pulling out her sonic. "I'll download the data and compile it on the TARDIS."

Graham sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "You can fix this though?"

"Yes."

"Soon?"

"Uh, yes."

"Want to try saying that with some confidence?"

The Doctor spins to face Graham. "I don't know what happened, Graham, I need time to look the data over."

Graham sighs and runs a hand down his borrowed face. "Okay," He says, shoulders slumping. "I trust you, Doc."

"I will figure this out; I promise you that."

Jack walks up behind Graham, bemused that he's staring at himself through Graham's eyes. "Come on," He tugs on his own coat, dragging Graham away. "She'll figure it out, and I have a lot of ideas, this is a once in a lifetime chance, Graham, think about all the things we could do?"

"She better," Graham replies, frowning as he turns to face Jack. "What did you have in mind?" He whispers.

"Ah, you keep frowning like that, and you'll make my face stay like that permanently," Graham smiles reluctantly, eyes flicking down. "That's better, now-" Jack leans in, lips hot against his ear as he whispers a suggestion.

A suggestion that causes Jack's face to blush scarlet.

But one Graham is very invested in.

_Very invested._

* * *

For this one, you get some of my art that I did for it!


	29. Shot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> carries on from yesterday

It has been a few months since the Doctor told them that she could fix this and guess what?

She hasn't.

Graham still gets up in the morning and smashes his head into one medicine cupboard in the bathroom.

Jack gets up more times in the night, complaining about how much Graham's body needs to visit the toilet. It's not Graham's fault, and he has told Jack to not to drink so much before bed, what else is he meant to do?

Then there's the fact that they've learnt more about each on a very personal level, maybe that's made them closer in some aspects. Still, they would at some point like to get their original bodies back instead of being bogged down in the TARDIS and back home in Sheffield.

No matter how hard Jack tries, he just can't quite get Graham's accent down, and Graham's friends have noticed he seems a bit 'off' so to speak. 

They blame Jack for that.

But none of that matters right now because Graham and Jack have a far for serious problem on their hands, one that involves guns being aimed at their heads.

"Captain Jack," The leader, whoever the hell he is, says as he stares at Graham in Jack's body. "You thought you could get away from us after you stole our ship-"

"Uh-" Graham flicks his eyes towards Jack. "You have the wrong person." He hears Jack sigh.

"Wrong person?" The leader scoffs just as the gun jumps to Graham's face. "I remember that mug anywhere."

Graham lowers his hands and decides to take on more of a Jack Harkness approach. "Fine, you have me-" He smiles, causing Jack to raise one of Graham's eyebrows at him. "-I was just finishing business with this guy here, let him go, we can proceed-" Graham catches Jack's eyes widening.

"Nah," The leader shakes his head. "I think he's a bit of a loose end if you catch my drift-"

"No, not a loose end at all, promise, he's great at keeping his mouth shut," Graham lies, frowning ever so slightly at how easy they come now. "He won't say a thing."

The leader glances up and down Jack, eyes narrowing. "Why are you with this asshole?"

"Asshole?" Graham repeats.

"You, shut up-" The leader demands with a glare at Graham. "-I'm talking to him."

Jack relaxes a tad, shoulders lowering. "Like he said, we're just finishing a deal," He decides to play along with Graham's plan. "That's all."

The leader hums, his gun swinging between Graham and Jack. He's got the right mark, just not the right person inhabiting the body. "Sorry," He says after a moment before raising his gun to Jack's borrowed head and shooting. "Nothing personal, but I can't afford people hanging around to blackmail me-"

Graham flinches and rushes forward, grabbing his falling body and lowering it to the floor in horror. His hands clench around Jack's arms, eyes locked on the bullet hole in his skull. "No," He mumbles, bile raising from the fact that this is the second time it's happened, and he's been powerless to stop it. "You didn't have to kill him!"

"He was important to you?" The leader smiles. "Then good, because it's what you deserve, Harkness," Graham's eyes close when he feels the same barrel pressed against Jack's skull. "You'll be seeing him again soon enough, though."

Thoughts briefly flicker through Graham's head.

Will he come back like Jack does?  
Does it hurt?

He keeps his eyes closed, and before long, he too feels the inky blackness pulling at him, a brief moment of pain before never-ending darkness.

\----

"Doctor-" Yaz yells. "I found them-"

The Doctor skids to a halt and sprints in the direction of Yaz's voice, Ryan's hot on her coattails. She rounds the corner and slams on the breaks, hearts skipping a beat at the sight before her.

Two bodies.

Entangled in their blood and one another.

Yaz stands aside, horrified, eyes filled with tears that begin running down her face. "Are they dead, Doctor?" 

The Doctor can't move, feet locked against the ground like they're in concrete. She barely feels Ryan shove past her, silent, scared.

She finally moves forward, knees crashing down against the pavement, one hand reaching out to necks even though she knows there to be no pulse. Her mouth opens and closes as she stares at their slack faces, lips turned blue from the cold. "Don't touch-" She jumps back in shock when Jack's body gasps awake, breaths turning to coughs. "Graham-"

"No."

The Doctor pauses, hands extended towards the body they've been calling Graham for the last few months. "Jack?"

Jack nods, shuffling himself so he can scoop Graham's body into his grip, hugging it close even though it's beginning to stiffen. "We must've-" He flounders, cheeks wet. "-I-" He feels Ryan next to him, one arm wrapped around his shoulders. "-I'm sorry, Ryan, it's my fault-"

"It isn't," Ryan shakes his head, eyes avoiding looking at the still Graham in Jack's arms. "We'll stop whoever did this, Jack, we'll find them, and then we take our-"

Ryan's sentence ends abruptly when Graham, who was still, unmoving, dead, jumps awakes, hands grabbing at anything and everything, chests heaving with breaths, eyes wide in fear and terror-

The Doctor is at his side in an instant, sonic out and scanning him.

"Doctor," Yaz speaks, dragging her attention towards her and then back again when the Doctor looks to where she is pointing. "He is healing."

Jack glances down, and he spots the uncomfortable expression on Graham's face just as the bullet is pushed from his skull. He grabs it, eyes wide. "Doctor-"

"I-" The Doctor focuses on Graham, frowning. "That-"

"What happened?" Ryan is asking; the question flies over the Doctor's head. "Doctor?"

"I don't know, Ryan," She finally looks up and into the lad's eyes. "I have no idea what just happened."


	30. Wound Reveal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're carrying on from yesterday friends
> 
> CW: like kinda self-destruction in a way without spoiling what happens

"How much blood do you wanna take from me, Doc?" Graham scowls at the alien woman, forcing the expression onto his face because the other option is fear and he can't have that. "If you're gonna take anymore I'm gonna start calling you Dracula." He tries for a joke, but his voice isn't into it.

"Shh," The Doctor orders as she draws more. "I need it."

"Why?" Graham asks again. "I feel fine," He lies, panic barely hidden in the wavering of his voice.

Ryan shifts on his feet, one hand pressed against his mouth, the other wrapped around his midsection. "You were-" He finds himself stuck on the word. "-you were shot, Graham, we saw you- you-"

"And I'm okay now," Graham interrupts, trying to reassure his grandson, but it's obvious he's not all right, body language twitchy, stressed.

"Graham," Jack pushes himself away from the wall he was leant against. "Just let the Doctor figure this out, all right?" He requests, eyes shifting between Graham and the Doctor. "That shouldn't have happened, Doctor.

The Doctor doesn't respond.

Graham looks down, hand clenching on the bed frame. "I know," He mutters. "But I'm trying to- trying to-" His breath hitches. "-I'm trying, oh god, Jack, I-"

"Hey," Jack moves to his side. "Doctor?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I be alone with Graham? Because I think we both need it right about now."

The Doctor pulls back, removing the last vial of blood from Graham. "I should have enough here," She inhales and nods. "Yaz, Ryan, come on-"

Yaz looks towards her, face still harrowed somewhat. "Okay," She begins following after the Doctor. "Ryan?"

Ryan stares at Graham and only turns when the older man gives him a nod. "See you later, gramps."

"Yeah," Graham replies, eyes locked on their retreating forms. The sound of the doors swishing close makes him exhale and lean forward. "Jack-"

"You going to need to breathe, mate," Jack rests his hands on Graham's shoulders, thumbs rubbing a soothing pattern into them. "I know what it's like."

"I was-" Graham begins. "Oh my god, Jack, I was dead, but-"

"Breathe, Graham," Jack says again, driving his point home again. "I'm here for you."

Graham breathes, lungs pulling in needed air. "I felt it."

"I know."

"How did you cope, Jack?" Graham shakes, and soon enough he feels Jack's arms around him, steadying him and offering some form of grounding. He leans into it, takes it willingly.

"Alone," Jack answers with complete honesty. "But you're not alone; you have me, the Doctor, Ryan, and Yaz, we're all here," He feels Graham in his arms, heavy, scared, crying. "It's just us; you can let it out."

And Graham does. 

He's terrified.

Jack's hand snakes through his hair; his head rests on Graham's and before long Graham finds himself being laid down with Jack climbing up on the bed behind him, hands never once leaving him as they cling to him like a lifeline.

They lie together, one petrified of the future, the only feeling the beginning stages of guilt for dragging another through death. At some point, Graham drifts into a fitful sleep, dreams running rampant.

He doesn't notice when the door opens again, revealing the Doctor walking in slowly, her eyes connecting with Jack. She indicates for him to follow her, much to his displeasure. He untangles himself from Graham as gently as possible and follows her out into the hallway.

They stare at one another, two old souls stuck in bodies that betray their age, and Jack can see it on her face.

And it's enough for him to conclude why she wanted to speak with him.

"He's like me, isn't he?"

The Doctor looks away, confirming it.

"How?"

The Doctor returns her eyes back to Jack's face. "You, Jack."

"What?"

"Your body marred his soul; your soul corrupted his body," She answers without sugar-coating it. "If I could've figured out a way to switch you back before, then maybe it wouldn't have mattered, but you were stuck like that for months, and you're a fact, Jack, both your soul and your body, if we call them that, are, they made the most of the thing that inhabited them and the thing that they inhabited."

"You're saying this is my fault?"

"No," The Doctor shakes her head. "I should've been able to figure this out-"

"There's not much point in thinking that now, is there?" Jack's retort is biting somewhat. "Are you sure he's like me?"

"I ran his blood through every test I could, Jack," The Doctor informs him almost unwillingly. "Every time I damaged it, it fixed itself, but that's not just it, Jack," She rubs her hands down her face. "It's changing, markers that should've showed his age are lowering."

"Forever?"

"No," The Doctor shakes her head. "How old were you when it happened?"

"When what happened?"

"When you first died?"

Jack shrugs because he's lost count. "Thirties, I think, maybe not, I don't know, Doctor."

The Doctor opens her mouth to speak, clamping it shut the moment the doors swish open. Her eyes lock on Graham.

"If you're talking about me," Graham speaks, low, tired. "Then at least have the decency to include me, Doctor."

The Doctor looks Graham over, frowning at the sight of him. He looks younger.

Jack follows her gaze, his eyes widening when he spots it. Fewer lines on his face, hair only showing on the bearest hint of grey. Jack walks towards him and cups his face in his hands, thumbs moving over his cheeks and all he can do is cry. "I'm sorry, Graham, I never meant for this to happen to you as well."

Graham hugs Jack, pulling him close and breathing him in. "I heard what you were talking about," He mutters through Jack's coat. "I'm like him, aren't I, Doc?"

"You feel the same as Jack, Graham," The Doctor admits, struggling to keep the disgust off her face. "You feel like he does, like you shouldn't exist," She stares into the other man's eyes. "You've changed, you're not what you once were, you're different now."

Graham nods. "Then I suppose this calls for an experiment-"

"What?" Jack finds himself shoved back, the weapon from his holster stolen. "Graham, what are you doing?"

"A test, Jack," He explains. "You're sure I'm like Jack, Doctor?"

The Doctor raises her hands. "Put the gun down, Graham."

Graham flicks his eyes between them; both look ready to move. "Answer my question."

She sighs. "When I look at you and Jack, I sense the same feeling from the pair of you," The Doctor says. "You're wrong."

"Thanks," Graham mutters. "Then I guess this won't matter, will it?" He moves the gun.

And Jack jumps forward, hands missing the weapon by inches. He flinches when the shot is fired, hands grabbing at Graham's falling body again, blood running out from the wound in his head.

"Doctor-"

The Doctor doesn't move; her eyes are aimed at Graham's body, and she doesn't flinch when Graham gasps awake.

Jack shoves Graham off him, anger flashing upon his face. "Why did you do that?" He all but yells at the other man. "You didn't have any proof!"

"I had proof, Jack," Graham snaps back as he pulls himself up and into a sitting position, wincing when the bullet drops from his skull again. "I felt it like you did," He rests his head back against the wall. "I feel it in my body; my knees don't hurt when I stand, my back is pain-free, I can see better-" He stares intently at the other immortal man. "-and the Doctor confirmed it."

There is a pause between the three immortals, one Time Lord, two facts.

"I'm immortal," Graham finally says. "I'm bloody immortal."


	31. Altered State

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did it
> 
> i actually fucking did it

Ryan's head snaps to the door along with Yaz's the moment they both hear that telltale sound of a gun.

A gun going off in the TARDIS can only mean one thing.

"Jack."

They both say at the same time as they sprint out of the door, heading down any old corridor because they have faith that for once, the TARDIS will lead them to where they need to be. They skid around the corner and realise it's the one that leads to the medical bay, but that's not what keeps their attention.

It's Graham, sat on the floor, covered in blood, Jack's gun beside him and Jack over the other side, anger and rage manifested on his face.

"What the hell happened?" Yaz snaps out of their joint shock first. "We heard the gunshot and came running."

Ryan shoves past her and strides towards Graham. His eyes rake over his body, searching for a wound that he can't find. "Graham, are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Ryan, it was nothing."

"Nothing?" Jack spits from the opposite wall. "That was nothing?"

Ryan spins and faces Jack, eyes widening at the look aimed at Graham. He turns to the gun next and back again. "Did you shoot him?" Jack flicks his eyes to Ryan's as he stands. He moves forward and shoves Graham aside to grab his gun away from him. "Jack, I asked you a question."

"I heard, Ryan," Jack holsters his weapon and stares at Ryan now, steal expression written into his features. "He shot himself as an experiment, ask him about it."

"What?" Ryan backs down in an instant. He faces the Doctor next. "Is that true?"

"It's true, Ryan," The Doctor grunts out before she focuses on the older man sat on the floor. "Never do that again, Graham."

Graham stares at her in defiance. "It's not like it bloody matters anymore, does it?" He spits. "I could go and play in the middle of the M1, or jump off a bridge, or- or-" He runs his hands through his hair. "-Jack, what does this mean for me?"

"Figure it out yourself, Graham," Jack shouts. "Because you seemed determined to shoot yourself to prove it, so you can figure out the rest." He glares at him. "I did."

Graham watches as Jack stalks away, feet stomping down the corridor and then out of hearing range. "Jack-" He shouts before groaning. "I was always going to be okay!"

Ryan removes his eyes from where Jack went and locks them on Graham instead. "What have you done, Graham?" He gestures his question. "Jack has never brushed you off like that, so you must've done something grand to piss him off."

"Jack said Graham shot himself, Ryan," Yaz gently says, but there's nervousness in her voice betraying how young she truly is. "We only heard one gunshot, and Graham is covered in blood."

Ryan exhales and slowly turns to face his grandad who remains on the floor, knees pulled up to his chest, hiding the blood. "Is this true?"

"The Doc already saif it was, didn't-"

"No," Ryan's hand cuts through the air as he interjects. "I want to hear it for you."

Graham hugs his knees and stares at the floor. "It doesn't matter; it's not like it hurt me."

Ryan stares for a moment before he darts forward and pulls Graham's knees away. He grabs his shirt, feels the wetness from the blood there coating his hand. "Then where did the blood come from?" He demands. "And why aren't you injured?"

Silence follows that question and Ryan finds himself looking at Graham who refuses to meet his eyes and the Doctor who can't even attempt to try.

"What's going on?" Ryan asks, trying a different approach. His hand drops from Graham's shirt and rests at his side.

"Graham," The Doctor finally speaks. "He's changed, Ryan, he's not the same anymore."

"Changed?" Yaz asks this time. "What do you mean by 'changed', Doctor?"

The Doctor meets Graham's eyes, lip curling in distaste unintentionally from the wrongness to him. "He's like Jack."

"What?" Ryan frowns. "But he's just a-"

"Son," Graham whispers, dragging the lad's attention back towards himself. "I shot myself because the Doctor confirmed it, and I did it to prove it, that's why I'm covered in blood," He lifts his hand and shows the bullet. "This just came out of me."

"Wait-" Ryan leans away, brows creased together. "You took Jack's gun and shot yourself to prove something that-" He rocks back onto his heels before standing up quickly. "-you killed yourself, didn't you?"

Graham remains silent.

"Didn't you?!"

"Yes," Graham shouts as he gets up, anxiety, anger, fear, terror, all coming to the forefront. "Have you woken up to find out that you can never die?" He continues, voice raised. "We've all seen Jack die, well, guess what, guys, that's me-" His hand slam into his chest to drive the point home. "-the Doctor can't even look at me without disgust on her face-"

"That's not fair, Graham-"

Graham spins to face Yaz. "Isn't it?" He demands. "She called me wrong, wanna know who the last person to call me wrong was, Yaz?" He knows he's not being fair, but life isn't fair, and he's scared, oh so scared. "My own bloody father when he found out I had a boyfriend, yeah, so that's why-"

"Oi," Ryan snaps, hand reaching out and grabbing Graham, forcing him to turn and face him. "Leave her alone; you're the one who shot yourself in front of Jack of all people, you selfish prick, and now you have the nerve to have a go at Yaz when she hasn't even done anything to you?"

Graham stumbles back at that, lost for words for a moment. "I-"

"We were both there when nan died, but you-" Ryan jabs Graham's in the chest, shoving him back by an inch. "-you watched her die, and you inflicted that on Jack, made him watch you die again when neither of you knew for certain that you would come back!" Ryan turns and rubs his clean hand down his face. "No wonder he was so angry at you because I'm fucking angry at you!"

Graham's mouth opens and closes as the realisation at what he did settles within him. "Fuck," He swears before turning to face Yaz. "I'm sorry, Yaz, that was completely uncalled for-"

"It's fine-"

"No, it isn't," Graham shakes his head. "I shouldn't have lost it at you, or did what I did," He explains with horror. "I'm just scared, but that isn't an excuse."

"I never meant to make you feel like you were wrong in that respect, Graham," The Doctor speaks quietly. "You're a fact, Graham, you shouldn't exist, like Jack shouldn't exist, but you do, and that goes against everything I sense from you, that's what I meant."

Graham exhales and rubs a hand over his face. "I need to go-"

"Where are you going?"

Graham strides past Ryan. "I need to find, Jack, I need to make this right with him because I'm like him, son," He stares into the lad's eyes. "And I can't do this alone."

\----

Finding Jack proved about as easy as finding a needle in an immense haystack.

But find him he did.

"Jack-"

"What do you want, Graham?"

Graham steps into the room, and he takes in a deep breath. "To say how much of a prick I was," He admits. "What I did back there, I never took your feelings into account during it; I was selfish."

"Yeah, you were," Jack agrees as he turns around. "You didn't know, and you still shot yourself."

"The Doctor-"

"No," Jack walks closer. "You, Graham-" He sticks his hands in his pockets. "-you didn't know you would come back for sure."

"But I did."

Jack sighs and shakes his head. "And what if you didn't?" He asks as he steps closer again. "I would be holding you in that hallway, explaining to Ryan why his pigheaded grandad decided to shoot himself," Graham looks down ashamed but finds his head pulled back up again. "God, if I didn't love you, I would be out of that door, but-" His eyes close. "-I do because I'm stupid and you're an idiot, and maybe we're just made for one another."

"You're not stupid," Graham counters. "I shouldn't have done that, I wasn't thinking straight, Jack, my head is all over the place 'cos-" His eyes fill up. "-god, Jack, how am I meant to do this?"

Jack exhales and pulls Graham close, breathes him in. "You don't," He whispers against his ear. "You live with it; you watch people you love die, you keep the pain in because dealing with it is worse, and then you start again and repeat the process."

"You're wrong," Graham clings to Jack. "There's a difference this time, Jack," He points out. "I'm not alone," He pulls his head away and looks into Jack's pale blue eyes. "And you're not alone now; we're the same, aren't we?" He leans forward and kisses Jack fervently. "Together, forever."

Jack smiles into the kiss after a moment because as much as he is livid with the other man, he does have a point. " _Together_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so i dunno how many are reading this really, but if you are, thanks!
> 
> and i just have to make graham immortal because jack is
> 
> anyway, they travel together, live together, and basically, they never have to worry about the other one leaving them
> 
> because that 'jack is the face of boe' nonsense doesn't exist in my canon


End file.
